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My Time Working at Stripe

jondlm.github.io

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#311

Post by dlevine »

Reading this, I do get the impression that the Partially Meets Expectation was given to get more work out of this guy. It's the worst kind of manipulation - spinning something that was an unqualified success into a "failure." Especially because the boss clearly already had an internal narrative, and it sounds like they cherry-picked feedback from coworkers to support that narrative.

Having had something somewhat similar happen in the past, it seems like this is common at high-growth tech companies. Everyone pretends to be your friend, and there are definitely some genuine people, but getting ahead is clearly number 1.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#312

Post by kelnos »

AbstractH24 wrote: post #148
wkjagt wrote: post #92

There's a lot of comments on the "10% more vulnerable" part of the post in here that amount to "I just owe the company work hours, and they owe me money", and a strong aversion to showing anything resembling human connection going slightly further than "how are you", "fine". One commented even called the question by the manager "abuse", and suggested the manager should be fired. But if on most days we're spending mos…

Unpopular opinion, but this is the problem with work from home. Reduces people to output. And if that output can be done cheaper by someone in another country or automated away, why even hesitate to change out the things that generate the output anymore than a lightbulb?

As much as I am a huge WFH proponent, I do agree that forming social bonds with coworkers is harder in that environment. An unsurprising consequence of that is managers having less personal attachment to individual employees.

On the other hand, I do know of a few companies that manage to team members socially engaged, mostly in ways that don't feel like forced "mandatory fun time". It's not easy, and it's a cultural value that needs to permeate everything. But it can be done.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#313

Post by kelnos »

ryandrake wrote: post #192
fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

The way I conquered burnout was by having a life outside of work that isn't computer related. In my early twenties, the only notable attribute of my life was work and computers. I'd wake up in the morning, go to work programming things, then get home and either do programming side projects or play computer games, then I'd go to sleep and repeat it the next day. I had no hobbies, no friends or acquaintances outside of…

Yup, avoiding burnout is all about having rich alternatives for your time. If you find yourself working yourself to the point that you don't have the energy to do anything else outside of work, you need to cut back.

If you do get burned out, the only remedy I've found is time away, sometimes many months of it. That's really tough (or impossible) for many people's financial situations, though.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#314

Post by kelnos »

3vidence wrote: post #56
fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

Commenting to save this for myself. Of the many many hours I've spent on this website, this comment probably made me feel more relaxed than anything else. Please continue your kind and helpful words on the internet:)

Meta: if you click on a comment's timestamp, you'll get a "favorite" link that you can use to bookmark a comment.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#315

Post by kelnos »

fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

Incredibly well said.

It feels flippant to say, "stop caring so much about things", but it's actually great advice.

We should think of ourselves as having a limited "caring budget", and be judicious in how we spend that budget. Part of the trick is figuring out what that budget is, since it can be different for different people, or even different for the same person at different times in their life.

I think framing burnout in this way is helpful: you get burned out when too much is too important to you, and you've overextended your emotional ability to give a part of yourself to each of those things, for too much time.

An important thing about that to me is that it doesn't at all consider whether things are going well or poorly with all those "too important" things. Certainly things going poorly will increase stress, but even caring too much about too many things that are all going well can burn you out.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#316

Post by SergeAx »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

> If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable

So it seems to me that it was voluntary, right? You could be okay sharing nothing, author felt better going proposed path.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#317

Post by a123b456c »

ValentinA23 wrote: post #229
cpursley wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s pretty nuts, putting out your dirty laundry in public is a surefire way to self sabotage - especially in a work setting. In American culture, there’s a lot of “positive self help” talk about being open about these things. But the reality is - it actually just provides drama and ammunition to people who might not have your best interests at heart. Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and f…

This happened to me. The result: - secret slack room to help me overcome my depression (wasn't invited of course, I just spotted it several times while looking at my colleagues' screens) - lowest paid member in the team, while also being one of if not the most productive. 12x: verified. 30x: speculated if I had control over the architecture. - 70h/week, no vacations, for 3 years. No paid overtime of any form. - Doubl…

I mean no harm, but I want to caution that you may have just over-shared in public again. I wish you well.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#318

Post by ausbah »

gorgoiler wrote: post #166
DeathArrow wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>What you are experiencing is the symptom of working in a large company where no matter how well you perform, you can not significantly move the needle yourself. You can't move the needle unless you are part of management and learn how to do politics. Large companies mean lots of politics being done. And you want to position yourself on the part of the winning team. Also, people skills always trumps technical skills.…

I agree and this is good advice that works well. My counterpoint is that if you are very good at: finding things that could be better or tools that should exist but don’t, and that if materialized would solve multiple problems at once instead of just one; and explaining why that’s important in a way that everyone can buy into and dealing with naysayers who’ll want to cut you down and doomers who will say it’ll never…

first i think what you’ve presented is a fiction, in most environments such large projects are surely going to involve multiple people if not multiple team. and then why? unlikely you’re be financially compensated for all the impact you’re really delivering. anything less is just exploitation

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#319

Post by snapcaster »

kev009 wrote: post #304

Of course we only see one side of the story here, but as written the original manager sounds like a maniac. Letting someone complete a major and well received project and then sniping backward at how they did it with a performance review reeks of incompetent tyrant. Where the hell was the feedback and mentoring when it mattered? If you are worth your salt as a manager your reports should know exactly where they are g…

I've always admired stripe as a user and follower of tech news but yeah both of these managers give off really bad vibes

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#320

Post by swampdonkey64 »

superultra wrote: post #189
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

I am the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I grew up in a familialy dishonest context so being open and transparent has been my default. That attitude is a liability at work and I’ve learned the hard way. We’ve all heard the phrase don’t shit where you eat. In modern workplace cadence that means don’t use your workplace as your source of therapy or friends or certainly family. The way we present yourselv…

^ This. This x 100.

You choose your friends because you have shared interests and you make each other feel good. You have family because they brought you into the world and you have shared qualities and bonds. You chose your job because it pays you. You do it for the ducats. Don't get it twisted.

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