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The benefits of staying off social media

durmonski.com

311–319 of 319 posts

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#311
People choose to be offended or not, it doesn't matter if it's conscious or unconscious, it's still their decision and there nothing we/I can do about it. I could be having a good day to the point of verbalising it and a person next to me who happens to hear it can be extremely offended or not.

Thus since it's completely out of my hand I do my best to just not worry of think about it. What I do think about is how I would like to see people interacting with me, due to my physiological configuration I never received any compliments and because of that I've been trying my best to give as many genuine compliments as I can muster, I give them with only good in my mind.

Sadly some people still get offended to the point where they feel the need to express they don't appreciate the compliment.

Which makes me think what kind of a life they must have lived and are living, to be in a state where you first start looking for negativity before anything else...

I don't have social media accounts except the one for Facebook's Messenger. There are benefits of course, mostly in decrease of induced sadness but it is annoying not having accounts because I made the Messenger one to be able to speak with classmates, but now that I've switched classes my new classmates are using Instagram's Messenger... I decided to just not participate in that messenger as all of the important things are supported via mail. I do wonder what will the kids use after Instagram though, since from what I can see they prefer using Instagram over Facebook and Twitter because there's less reading and you get pictures, but what's next?

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#312
post #16

I am now off popular social media (Facebook, Instagram). The void is now replaced with other forms of social media (Reddit, Hacker News). Reddit, arguably, is more toxic than my version of Facebook - but it is strangers being toxic, and zero FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) which is prevalent on Facebook and Instagram.

If you use Facebook the old fashioned way (an actual network of friends) it's probably very pleasant. If you start joining "Groups" which are similar to subreddits, it's the most toxic thing I've seen. I never really was a real Facebook user with a network in the first place, but one day on a whim I went to the FB site where I still had my account and decided to join some random suggested groups. That's where it beco…

What nomdep said, but also the friends-of-friends problem. I cut a lot of people out of my life based on who else they associated with.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#313
post #12

> A futuristic dystopia. A place where the real world sucks. Where people consider talking to someone a chore. Connection, closeness, ambition are replaced by detachment and dogmatic slumber. Society is satisfied with shallow thoughts and the pursuit of artificially created stimuli in an imaginary world. Beautifully written top-notch orwellian poetry. Seriously inspiring. Also as someone who has only ever used social…

Social media reinforces the idea that artistic success is a single, worldwide, objective hierarchy. It's harder than ever to return to the idea that art should be a pursuit that is social and subjective — one validated by the people that the artist directly cares about.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#314

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This exchange is a very good illustration of what happened with the #metoo movement: a woman explains the toll that street harassment has on their life, and a man that has never experienced that brushes it off with a #notallmen. While I agree that having small talk with strangers once in a while could be very healthy, I also try to remember that a woman has to unwillingly interact tens of times a day with male strang…

I don't, as you put it, "brush it off" at all. What, exactly, do you suggest I do about it? That's not a rhetorical question. I have no control over the "crazies" or the "Entitled assholes." I only have control over my actions. So please, do tell. What is it I'm supposed to do other than treat those around me with courtesy and respect?

You say that you don't brush it off at all, but just before you said "But IME, those folks are few and far between.". Your experience does not really matter here if you are not a woman that experiences that type of harassment.

What the person you were replying to was trying to tell you is not that the problem are men who start the conversation with "hey pretty girl, can you sit on my face?", but rather people who start with a polite conversation, and if they feel they are met with a warm reaction think it opens the door to more.

It might be only a small percentage of guys who follow up with inappropriate actions, but when as a woman you get 20+ men a day starting to make small talk with you, you end up with a high probability of having at least some of them being weirdos.

On the other hand if the woman answers coldly to the small talk tentative, some people may take it in a bad way. The line you have to walk to not appear too warm to weirdos and not too cold to easily offended people is very thin.

If you can't understand that under these circumstances some women become anxious at the idea of men starting small talk with them, well that's too bad.

As for what you can do, maybe start with asking women you know how they feel about it. Maybe they are all fine with it. It is also very dependent of where you live. If you live in a dense city women get harassed way more often than in a suburb area, it's kind of a number problem.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#315
post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh for sure, but social media doesn't enforce anything, it just shows rare shit that has always been there. Point is it was hidden or not as visible. It's a very rare thing for Victoria Secret's models to be the ones start making small talk, and yet Brad Pitt or Leonardo di Caprio are on the receiving end of that. That would happen regardless of social media, but somehow a paparazzi or a photographer is there to immo…

Wow, this is such an eye opening post. Thank you. You specifically point out "rareness". I never considered how much of a draw is rareness to human beings. I admit that rareness is like catnip for my discovery-addicted science mind. ("How is that possible? What are the chances? etc.") On YouTube, there is a whole category of silly (but fun) videos that are nothing more than incredibly rare events (some funny, some sc…

> Wider: Many of the posts you have made here today are very thoughtful. Keep up the good work! :)

Hey Thanks :)

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't, as you put it, "brush it off" at all. What, exactly, do you suggest I do about it? That's not a rhetorical question. I have no control over the "crazies" or the "Entitled assholes." I only have control over my actions. So please, do tell. What is it I'm supposed to do other than treat those around me with courtesy and respect?

You say that you don't brush it off at all, but just before you said "But IME, those folks are few and far between.". Your experience does not really matter here if you are not a woman that experiences that type of harassment. What the person you were replying to was trying to tell you is not that the problem are men who start the conversation with "hey pretty girl, can you sit on my face?", but rather people who sta…

You're the worst kind of person.

You assume bad faith and evil from everyone except yourself.

You read what you wanted to read into my comment and ignored anything that contradicted your view that I'm ignorant/oblivious/probably an evil harassing rapist.

I live in the most densely populated city in the US, and was born, raised and have lived here most of my life.

I am acutely aware of the situation and the issue, but you assume you know know better than anyone else. Which is a bunch of entitled (although entitlement of a different kind than I mentioned in the comment to which you responded) bullshit from an entitled, self-righteous asshole. That'd be you, in case there was some confusion about that.

So, as I should have said (which was my initial impression, given your deliberately obtuse and clearly bad faith response to my comment), fuck off jerk.

Which is what most women I know will say to entitled assholes like you.

Edit: It occurs to me that I didn't explain myself clearly enough. As such, I will. And I'll use small words so you'll be sure to understand.

>If you can't understand that under these circumstances some women become anxious at the idea of men starting small talk with them, well that's too bad.

Who said that? Not me. In fact, I said just the opposite.

>As for what you can do, maybe start with asking women you know how they feel about it.

Who says I haven't? I'm sure I've had more conversations about stuff like this than you have. But you seem to be so wrapped up in how sensitive you are to even imagine that someone else could have been there long before you.

>Maybe they are all fine with it. It is also very dependent of where you live. If you live in a dense city women get harassed way more often than in a suburb area, it's kind of a number problem

I am quite aware. But small talk isn't harassment. That you equate them says more about you than it does about the very serious problem of harassment.

Given that you've decided that anyone who doesn't explicitly mirror your talking points, they're obviously idiots, evil or both, shows exactly how disrespectful, self-centered and entitled you are. I definitely wouldn't leave any woman alone with you.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone complimented my hat in the subway today. I mentioned I got it back in Toronto, and we chatted about how disappointed we are in the Leafs. What is so unenjoyable about that? How can one spend 50 years on this earth and find human conversation, something we literally evolved to do, so uninviting? I just don't understand.

I can literally go weeks without speaking a word (I have), and I am totally comfortable with that. I would have made a great monk with a vow of silence. I am very comfortable in my own skin and don't need interaction with other people to maintain good and positive mental health.

That's very interesting - we really are all different

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#318

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You say that you don't brush it off at all, but just before you said "But IME, those folks are few and far between.". Your experience does not really matter here if you are not a woman that experiences that type of harassment. What the person you were replying to was trying to tell you is not that the problem are men who start the conversation with "hey pretty girl, can you sit on my face?", but rather people who sta…

You're the worst kind of person. You assume bad faith and evil from everyone except yourself . You read what you wanted to read into my comment and ignored anything that contradicted your view that I'm ignorant/oblivious/probably an evil harassing rapist. I live in the most densely populated city in the US, and was born, raised and have lived here most of my life. I am acutely aware of the situation and the issue, bu…

Wow, that was a very measured response to my comment.

From what you wrote it looks obvious to me that you completely missed the point I was trying to make, but I share the responsibility for that at least as much as you do, it is not easy to get points across through HN comments, especially when you have no clue who you are talking to (+ I am not an english native speaker in case that was not obvious yet).

I could try to re-explain things better, but you have shown that you are not in a state to take in anything that I say anymore, so I hope you will eventually find a friend who can explain it to you better than I did (and that you will refrain to insult them just because you feel attacked).

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#319

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're the worst kind of person. You assume bad faith and evil from everyone except yourself . You read what you wanted to read into my comment and ignored anything that contradicted your view that I'm ignorant/oblivious/probably an evil harassing rapist. I live in the most densely populated city in the US, and was born, raised and have lived here most of my life. I am acutely aware of the situation and the issue, bu…

Wow, that was a very measured response to my comment. From what you wrote it looks obvious to me that you completely missed the point I was trying to make, but I share the responsibility for that at least as much as you do, it is not easy to get points across through HN comments, especially when you have no clue who you are talking to (+ I am not an english native speaker in case that was not obvious yet). I could tr…

> could try to re-explain things better, but you have shown that you are not in a state to take in anything that I say anymore

Don't. I understood you perfectly well.

It's not that I'm unable or unwilling to "take in" what you say. Nor am I angry or upset. I just don't suffer fools gladly[1].

>I hope you will eventually find a friend who can explain it to you better than I did

I understand the issue just fine, thanks. It's you who didn't understand me. I'll chalk that up to you not being a native English speaker.

>and that you will refrain to insult them just because you feel attacked

I didn't insult you because I felt attacked. I didn't intend to insult you at all.

Rather, I called you out for your nastiness and bad faith. Because you deserved it. And I stand by that assessment.

Your self-righteous[0] tone is unwelcome here (and in most places).

[0] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-righteous

[1] https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/does...

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