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Who Americans spend their time with, by age

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Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#311

Post by doitLP »

an_opabinia wrote: post #293
frakt0x90 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I experienced this first hand when I visited my wife's family in Vietnam. All 10 or so of them live in homes side by side on the outskirts of Saigon. Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other. Every day was like a little party. It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. I have never experienced anything like that in the US. Of course having family literally at your doorstep has its…

> Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other I am not passing judgement here. The women woke up in the morning and cooked for everyone else. > It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. People have written about this in books that are now almost four decades old. Everywhere women entered the workforce in a highly compensated way, this arrangement came to an end, the number of childre…

I see the point you’re making but cooking for others is one of my greatest joys —- I don’t consider it “crappy” work. And independence has its downsides. Sterile, impotent loneliness is not a future I look forward to. Everything has trade offs.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#312

Post by e40 »

selestify wrote: post #289
e40 wrote: post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's even worse than that. Every set of new parents gets no shared knowledge on how to best raise a child. I mean there are a literal ton of books on the subject, but they give wildly different advice. I have a single kid (turned 20 recently). I can tell you it's totally crazy figuring it out on your own. I approached it more methodically than most (IMO), and I don't think I made too many mistakes, but here's the thi…

How do we decide what shared body of knowledge to pass on when, as you say, all the books give wildly different advice?

I personally think we need to value the idea of that body of knowledge, as a culture. Then, we can start to compare and contrast styles, etc.

The whole tiger mom/dad routine is so horrible for children. The lack of autonomy can have dire consequences later in life, and I think we're just starting to see that.

I know my tendency is to treat this like a problem, which needs data and analysis, refinement and tuning. But, if we were 10 generations into that process, I feel we'd have something to show for it. As is, every generation starts from zero (I think most people generally wing it).

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#313

Post by irrational »

burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

I spend so much time around people right now (middle aged man with coworkers and kids) that I long for the days of solitude and being alone for extended stretches. Maybe at some point that desire will wane and I’ll want to reintegrate with society.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#314

Post by giantDinosaur »

nitrogen wrote: post #277
CalRobert wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Arguably the country was shut down by cars decades ago. You experienced it reopening, in a sense. Hate that we call it "closing the street" when we stop letting drivers terrorize people walking on them.

Mobility, flexibility of schedule, and portable privacy+storage are far too beneficial to just give up. If there's a problem with the current way those goals are achieved, then we need to solve that, not abandon all our technological progress.

Ill-health, loneliness, road deaths, pollution, ultra-expensive infrastructure: if 'technological progress' is the city designed around the car, I want none of it.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#315

Post by irrational »

an_opabinia wrote: post #293
frakt0x90 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I experienced this first hand when I visited my wife's family in Vietnam. All 10 or so of them live in homes side by side on the outskirts of Saigon. Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other. Every day was like a little party. It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. I have never experienced anything like that in the US. Of course having family literally at your doorstep has its…

> Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other I am not passing judgement here. The women woke up in the morning and cooked for everyone else. > It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. People have written about this in books that are now almost four decades old. Everywhere women entered the workforce in a highly compensated way, this arrangement came to an end, the number of childre…

Is cooking crappy work? I’m a man, but I would love to spend a lot more time cooking. I do all the cooking on weekends and holidays/vacations because it is so much fun. I love it when I have my six week sabbaticals since I can cook everyday.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#316

Post by [deleted] »

ip26 wrote: post #308
an_opabinia wrote: post #293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other I am not passing judgement here. The women woke up in the morning and cooked for everyone else. > It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. People have written about this in books that are now almost four decades old. Everywhere women entered the workforce in a highly compensated way, this arrangement came to an end, the number of childre…

Two working parents, two kids. Well compensated, both. My god do we envy friends who have family nearby. We both prefer to work, but it's still incredibly hard. As a culture we have to figure out a better way that allows everyone independence & freedom to either work or stay-at-home parent, while providing a support network.

[deleted]

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#317

Post by irrational »

FalconSensei wrote: post #221
Swizec wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My mom always said ”Move far away enough that your parents can’t visit in their slippers, trust me you don’t want that kinda meddling” I moved to USA. “Damn it I didn’t mean that far” ~ mom My sister lives with her boyfriend in his mom’s house. There is indeed a ridiculous amount of meddling even though they’re technically separate households.

> ”Move far away enough that your parents can’t visit in their slippers, trust me you don’t want that kinda meddling” What I always heard was something like: ”Move far away enough that your parents can’t visit in their slippers, but not far enough that they have to packs their bags to visit"

My in-laws live 3 hours away and my parents 14 hours away. We have seven kids so it would be useful to have them nearer on occasion, but my wife and I agree that 3 hours is the minimum we want to live away from other family members.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#318

Post by irrational »

cgriswald wrote: post #259
felipemnoa wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I imagine that the only way to truly set boundaries would be for the daughter to move away.

The underlying problem is the lack of boundaries. Moving away does not solve that problem. Only setting and enforcing the boundaries will solve the problem.

Moving away solves the problem if you move far enough away that they can only visit rarely. You don’t have to answer the phone and text messages can be easily blocked.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#319

Post by nomdep »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #287
rootusrootus wrote: post #241

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is both fascinating and sad to watch. My family has split along political lines, with half despising Trump and half worshipping him. Each side hates the other sufficiently that we just avoid talking anymore, so it's like having two distinct families. I don't know the solution other than everyone agreeing not to talk politics, ever. And even better, actually deciding that politics is pretty insignificant and only s…

> And even better, actually deciding that politics is pretty insignificant Unless you think civil liberties are at stake. The Supreme Court will be tilted to a way I believe is harmful for my children’s future, and personal health, and so I consider politics to be very significant.

The media has make you believe things like that to make money from your fear and anger. Nothing will be so dramatic.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#320

Post by pavlov »

irrational wrote: post #315
an_opabinia wrote: post #293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other I am not passing judgement here. The women woke up in the morning and cooked for everyone else. > It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. People have written about this in books that are now almost four decades old. Everywhere women entered the workforce in a highly compensated way, this arrangement came to an end, the number of childre…

Is cooking crappy work? I’m a man, but I would love to spend a lot more time cooking. I do all the cooking on weekends and holidays/vacations because it is so much fun. I love it when I have my six week sabbaticals since I can cook everyday.

You have the choice to do something else and were not reared since early childhood for a lifetime spent cooking and cleaning after others.
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