Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

So you've played the game of life and at the end when we all believed education lead to success we realise we have been bamboozled. The "feeling lost" is because of this, you felt somewhere on a subconscious level that if you achieved this thing then it would secure you potentially financially or more so directionally as in it would lead you to the next step.What is evident is that it hasn't and the reason why or part of the reason is that we have not taken the time to truly get in touch with our true self the self that wanted to be a artist but through social pressures or the need to conform like a pre commenter put we have ignored that sentiwnt skill shouting within saying our true desires until it became a whisper and then a faint cry.This was reinforced by the fact that in school we know in X months time we will receive a result dictating our progression to the next level or path this gets repeated a fair number of times if you add up each exam each year up until college (your equivalent to university) so we develop a carrot and stick approach believing that the next thing will be better / progression and thus drawing is closer to this ever elusive victory. It's a lie the wizard is just a man being a curtain.In deadling with the going back to school premise you mentioned I wouldn't if the reason was based on fear I.e scared of not wanting to be a jobless person and so we go to what we have known all our life that being education.If after months of mulling you honestly thought that this would allow you to feel fulfilled and was your calling then by all means go back to school.

Being more than a 9-5 ---------------------- Being more than a 9-5 that emotion your feeling is your inner self the one you quieted earlier in your life (for those that jumped to here please read prior to this it's mentioned above ) that knows what you want and has always known.You are more but you've played a game which teaches you to compete,quiet this type of self reflection and expressiveness ,not be creative and not to go against the system which churns out people that are meant to think a certain way. Your emotions are powerful they are actually indicators to whether your flowing with life or against it ,the true nature of humans is joy when I code or solve a problem or workout or write an observation I feel joy I don't feel resistance.The resistance your feeling is your inner senses telling you that something is not right we are not flowing.

So what are you trying to tell me?That I can dodge bullets? ----------------------------- Lol excuse the title I know when I get on a prose like this it can come across stoic and impractical so I just took the matrix quote as neo was feeling the same thing when answering Morpheus.

What I would do or better yet what I have done ...the first year of uni I felt the same thing lost and I was just staring at my impending doom.So what I did is this: -Be grateful you finished a huge degree and maybe through your humility (which I respect)you didn't mention the joy or thankfulness of completing that .When your constantly grateful you rarely feel jealously or hate as your just grateful with being/existing.

-Don't give this a heavy weighting.This is just a situation no different than breaking a nail because it involves your life you may feel overwhelmed and therefore make rash decisions so treat this as anything else a momentary situation that has a solution that will come to you as the observation of something missing is the first step to finding it.

-Get honest with yourself what are you about do you like business or did you just do it as the prospectus of a reputable company sounded good? it sounds like your a very social person who wears their heart on their sleeve so maybe there's a talent you can leverage.Whatever it is find it.

-Take some time out anytime you feel lost its just a sign that we may be off track from our inner compass so maybe 2 weeks away if not possible then maybe a weekend away with just yourself.The reason I stress just you is because you need to get in tune with yourself which is achievable in quiet space so that you can hear that inner murmur of what you want to do turn into a roar.Note this isn't running away from the problem the problem exists within you,your going away to break the habitual ways of your life which have potentially got you into this chasing the elusive carrot activity.

-Remove the ego now there's people who are lawyers my because it was their God given talent but because it "paid well" this is ridiculous understand the need for pecuniary stability but for me to do something that's not aligned with what I believe to be my calling is not only fake but ridden with stress and unfulfillment and you can see that with 1 in 5 multi million dollar CEOs being depressed.So kick the ego if your inner self says you should be a dog walker then be a dog walker walk dogs with grace and poise and I guarantee you won't feel judgement or even care for what people say as you will be fulfilled you have a business degree so maybe you can make a business out of It why not .Taking a pause from social media may help you during this phase as social media flashes information that not only can trigger you to keep up with the Jones' but also harbours a competitive mindset which will have you doing things you don't want to do just to appear a certain way to your peers.

-meditate for 15 minutes twice a day the reason for this is that you need to still that mind I can imagine right now it's busy telling you all sorts of lies like people think I'm a failure in lost ,I wasted my life all these are lies and it's just the self which has always had a carrot at the end of the year waking up to find that there's no carrot coming this time as education is over.In stilling the mind your able to gain connection back to the inner self which is the true self.

-exercise more or start this is just the ying and yang ,night and day to meditation tiny Robbins says fear which you may feel is a physically thing so get the body fit as well as the mind.

Finally I would urge you to consider this most time we feel lost or stressed or self defeating its because we have attached our self to a thing ... Take this, you eat a banana but you would never say you are a banana as that is ridiculous,but look at this you meet people and the first thing they say is I'm insert your job here and Pause for admiration.You are not your current situation the fact that you feel lost only once finishing your degree is potentially down to the fact that during your degree you was a student you associated with being a business student and it gave you a blanket and some direction till all you was ,was a student .Now your not a student you have lost that and hence feel lost but the truth was you wasn't a student that was just what you were doing it wasn't the entire being that is you.

I am not saying be nothing and go the Himalayas and meditate for 15 years.Have goals it's fine my goal is to grow spiritually physically and Mentally in all ways possible I'm no fool we live in the weatern world so some goals cater to the ways of this society but above all I have spiritual goals to ensure whatever I attain I feel fulfilled and counter intuitively can live without as just being gives me joy.Start tuning into your self and as you pay attention to your self through )taking care of the self through the methods above )then the self will communicate more clearly with you and I know for sure the path will be clear.

Most of the comments in this thread are based on romantic ideals of first-world societies (Work less, stay in the present, be altruistic, travel, etc.). These principles only work in the right context.

If you have zero motivation and no life goal, then traveling won't do you shit. You won't magically find some inspiration on a tropical island. At the end of the 3-month (or god forbid, year-long) vagabonding journey, you will find yourself still empty, still goalless, and even more penniless.

If you don't know where to go in your career, having less stuff and doing things for other people won't do you any good. That is dancing around the problem. That is the equivalent of starting to meditate when there is a fire next door. That won't cut it.

Of course, meditation for emotional stability and investment is worthwhile (and advisable). For the third time I repeat, the context is important. If you don't know where to go and have no motivation, start working on exactly that: find your way forward.

I am not you, I don't know your life, so you should probably get advice from someone you want to be like, knows you well, and has no ulterior motives. But those people are hard to come by, so I will try to lay down the system that worked for me.

1. Befriend death.

Imagine a sniper shooting a bullet aimed right between your eyes, and time stops just when the bullet is a single foot away from your skull: What will your expression and thought process be like? Will you regret anything? What will you think about?

I will assume you have done that sufficiently terrifying imagination. Then think about that very moment, but when you will actually die. What will you want to have accomplished?

The most dangerous question of all: Why do you live?

My personal answer is, to enjoy life and go through peak experiences[1]. Life is a festival. I want to check out every attraction it offers. Your answer might vary, but the important thing is to fit the following steps based on your answer to this question.

The answers may not be generally applicable, but questions are.

2. Work your way downward from death.

Once you have defined your life's meta-objective, start making it more specific. To give an example (and definitely do not follow my examples word for word, that is the point!), I want to "Become a Polyglot (8)" and "Run an Ultra-marathon." Those would be my go-to peak experiences to work towards.

Of course, this is not a bucket list, so career things like "Positive Technological Shift" or personal things like "Become a Great Dad" matter as well.

It's okay if these change. They should change. But remember, the more specific a goal is, the more it's bound to change. But usually, the general, meta-objectives tend to be stable for longer.

3. Prioritize your goals. Then prioritize your prioritization.

So now set a number to them to be able to say which is most important for you. Numbered lists are infinitely better than bulleted lists.

4. Decompose a goal into multiple projects.

Decomposition, decomposition, decomposition. Take the abstract and complex goals and make them specific and digestible.

5. Decompose a project into multiple tasks. These tasks should take less than 5 pomodoros (25 minute blocks) to complete. If not, decompose further.

Check out the Pomodoro technique. This alone might help with lack of motivation.

6. Start working on those tasks.

Like goals, the projects and tasks should be numbered as well. Prioritize prioritization. Do number 1 first, number 2 second, etc. Cannot overstate how important this is.

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I must be honest, I got slightly angry. Putting this on paper (edit: bits) helped. So this was perhaps more therapeutic for myself, than helpful for you. But the world runs on compassionate egocentrism, so I do not feel guilty.

There are some tools that help with this:

1. Pomodoro Technique[2]

A lot of people (i.e. my past self) think the 25/5 is the important part. NO. The important part is getting rid of all potential places for distractions. Put your phone on Airplane mode, lock the door, use Freedom (the app), and get yourself into flow.

2. The Five Minute Journal[3]

3. The Productivity Planner[4]

Also, I have commented on this, but FightMediocrity's video on How to Stop Worrying and Start Living[5] is helpful, if worry is getting to you.

If you have career-related problems, then 80,000 hours by William MacAskill[6] is great. If you don't know what your "passion" is (hint: no such thing exists), then check them out.

Shit advice is mental masturbation. You read it, and go "Yeah, I will do that tomorrow!" But nothing fucking changes.

Good advice requires work and execution on the recipient. It's tough, but things actually change.

Good luck.

[1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peak_experience

[2]: http://lifehacker.com/productivity-101-a-primer-to-the-pomod...

[3]: https://www.intelligentchange.com/products/the-five-minute-j...

[4]: https://www.intelligentchange.com/products/the-productivity-...

[5]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UYYzbzGk6s

[6]: https://80000hours.org/

It might take some work, but it seems possible to me.

"Do things that'll get you beaten up, killed, or thrown in jail. And if you are lucky, you'd end up with a lot of money and sex, and a clear idea of what you want"

Bought the book, also. An interesting thing to keep in mind is that we are products of both nature and environment then we can change ourselves at least partially by changing our environment - moving, new friends - and letting it change us.