How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

As a son of Asian immigrants, here is what I can share from my parents' own experiences 30 years ago.

1) It's really hard. My parents have been in USA for 30 years now, I can't say that they have fully assimilated. They largely stick to Asian neighborhoods with Asian friends. 2) Make friends through activities. Males tend to bond around an activity/hobby, we don't get together just to get together. Activities gives us something to talk about, something to do together and something learn from each other. Maybe it's hacking electronics, gardening, etc. 3) Find something to work at to boost your own self-confidence. It's a cycle, the better you feel about yourself, the more people are drawn to you, which helps you feel better about yourself. The internet typically recommends exercise, but find something you think is a weakness and work at it. For me, it's swimming in open water, which I find absolutely terrifying, but every time I swim a little bit further, I feel a lot better about myself. 4) If you need to get a roommate, get a roommate. Sounds like you are still in college if you are in an internship. When you go back to school, embed yourself into campus life. It's far easier to make long friendships in college than at work.

Tech meetups are not the best choice for meeting people. Try movies, museums, hiking, etc. Meetups where there is a built-in social component of perhaps one where conversation is the whole point.

So I wanted to reply here so you'd see this. Language seems to be one of your main concerns, but your writing is fine. Have you considered taking language/diction classes? You don't need to change your accent, but part of the problem with spoken communication may be that you aren't hearing the difference between two words that people are saying or you are, but when you speak the words come out incorrectly (per American pronunciations at least). I had a professor in college, for instance, that always pronounced "robot" as "rabbit". Once we knew this it was easy for us to understand (by context, rabbits had no place in the discussions), but we could never convince him that he was doing this. A diction coach or language teacher may help you with this aspect of your conversation skills. Similarly, risk embarassment and find a colleague that you get along with decently, and ask them to critique your speech. You may not like what they say, but if you can get past the emotional boundaries and accept the criticism as constructive it may help you to improve.

Also, to work on your vocabulary, you may consider reading novels that's where the bulk of my vocabulary comes from. Also, consider enrolling in a community college writing course (not basic composition, but something like creative writing). This'll get you out of your home, around other people, and deliberately practicing your language skills (at least in the written context, which paired with practice ought to improve your spoken language skills).

EDIT: And something to remember. You may find the class embarrassing, because you don't feel up to the task or on par with your classmates English skills. Don't fret it. It's an exercise for that as well, getting over the mental barriers around embarrassment. Accept that you'll make mistakes, make them in public, and then move on with your life. One of the best things about doing this in a class? Other people will make mistakes too. And when it's over, you don't have to see them again if you don't want to. But hopefully after a term together you'll have a couple of friends from the group.

Hello,

I’m not sure I fit into the conversation because although I have lived the last 2 years in exile in order to finish my university (in 3.5 years I might a Pharmacy degree at hand). Let’s say that I was on a mission and it payed back.

I’m not an introvert. In my town there are more people than I could count that would wanna hang out with me. I have a girlfriend, a sports-car, etc.

The things I do when I wanna get “connected” in a totally foreign area are the following:

1. Go to the gym, take some special courses (could dancing classes, or kick-boxing. I’d go for the dancing classes any day of the week). The gym is an excellent way to get fit and meet new people. Go to a popular place, not the one that is closest to your area but always empty. Get there the after-work hours that the gym is full (in Europe that’s 18:00 to 21:00 PM).

2. Get haircuts as much as possible. Like once every three weeks. It’s not so much about the hair, although aesthetics are extremely important too, it’s about becoming friends with the most notable chit-chat in your area. Pick a place which is full of females. Don’t go to a ‘mens place’. These hair-dressers (or whatever they wanna call themselves), like to chit-chat more than anything. Try to open a conversation. If you find the right place, they will open the conversation not you (so it’s easier for introverts).

3. Except from the gym, try outdoor activities. What you’re good at? Hacking? Try to find a local hacker-space. You’re into chess, try to find a chess club. You’re into ballroom dancing, go for it. If you’re not into anything, then try to find something that you’d like to do, and go for it. The easiest way to meet people outside of school/job/university is doing activities together. If you can afford it, learning an instrument is also another extremely good way to get connected :-)

4. Try to be active on social media. Connect with the people you are in the gym (not stalk, just connect). Will help you extremely to have their facebook/twitter account and follow/comment/share.

5. Organize: Once you go out with a friend or two. Try to organize something your self and invite them to join you. Be pro-active (“Do you wanna go to the movies next week guys? There’s this great film!”).

A couple of notes about conversations with people you don’t know:

    * Never answer with ‘yes’ or ‘no’. If you do, always come back in a question. 
    * Try to look the eyes of the person you’re talking too. Makes you look strong and straight character. It also gives you the advantage to read ‘extra signals’.
    * At the beginning try not to express a negative opinion about anything (politics, specific tv shows/characters). Try to get the other party to express a definitive opinion. If you don’t agree, let them know but very smoothly and never in absolute ways.
    * Try not to move your heads when talking. Avoid grimaces. Let the other’s do them.
    * In all this, try to be yourself. Never say or do anything you can’t back-up.
    * Try to be funny, but not too much.
    * Try not to get early prejudices. Takes time to get to know each other. Things might be different from what the other guy/girl is letting you know.
    * Remember to always... SMILE :D

As a last note. Improve your style

The ancient Greeks had a saying that is extremely deep, IMHO. It’s not absolute but goes a long way: “mens sana in corpore sano”. A healthy mind lives in healthy body. But the meaning is not healthy as in 100%-gym fit.

Being fit, stylish and well behaved will give you a head-start as a choice of friend/partner. By stylish I don’t mean expensive clothing, I mean ‘stylish’. Don’t wear very old shirt if you can get a new (cheap/expensive depends on your financial status) shirt. Treat yourself better and you’ll be treated better. Try never to smell bad. If you smoke for example, try always to clean up your clothes and hair. Make sure you never stink of sweat or anything else. If you can’t get a car, get a second hand vespa for example and paint it, to make it look 'like a new one'. Being stylish (as the Italians know) is not about money it's about ideas.

If you don’t know anything about fashion, gyms, style in general… Well the internet is here to help you. Remember that with a ‘classic’ look you’re always acceptable, don’t take any risks. By being fit I don’t mean an having musces, I mean not being overweight. Being clean (haircut, nails, clean teeth, clean clothes, use a fragrance daily, etc.) is the most important of all things. People would stand next to you if you’re cleaned up, and won’t even if you are their relative if you are not.

Hope you find what you’re looking for quickly :-)

good luck!

ps. Topics like this one mixed with extremely technical make me think that this is the best community, I’ve been part of.

I consider myself an introvert, and I believe it has less to do with your ability to make friends than it does the level importance you place on socializing and making friends. I've had periods of my life where I've felt it was important enough to be social and reach out to people that I didn't mind as much putting myself in uncomfortable situations. But it is rewarding an you gain confidence. I knew it was something I would have to do to enjoy certain aspects of college, enter into a career and start a family.

Just be careful not to try to be somebody that you are not. Be true to who you are. It is easier to make friends naturally by joining a community with the same interests as you. They are out there!