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Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

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Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#301

Post by joenot443 »

tsss wrote: post #259
kakacik wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You reduce massively this complex topic into having kids = more happiness. Divorce rates, marriage counseling intensity and just looking around paints a very different and much more realistic picture. Most marriages either fail or keep it up in semi-miserable fashion (for kids, money, insecurity and so on but never due to actual strength of the bond or any love remaining). That comes from married father of two - the…

In fact, the data points into the opposite direction: Children and money problems are by far the most destructive things for a happy marriage.

Marriages where the couple had children together are considerably less likely to end than marriages without children. A recent Canadian poll showed an effect size of ~60%. [1] Table 1 covers this nicely.

I’d be curious what data you’re citing to suggest children are by far the most destructive thing for a happy marriage. It seems like the kind of redditism most popular with people for whom it doesn’t apply :)

https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/89-652-x/89-652-x2024001...

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#302

Post by owebmaster »

dombiscoff wrote: post #279
owebmaster wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When someone tells me they are smart in person the first thing I check is how healthy/fit they are and their social capabilities. Most nerds aren't smart.

Wouldn't this only check their social and health related abilities?

Which can both be optimized if the person is smart enough. The feedback loop even helps with learning.

We spend 24h/day in our own body and interacting with people.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#303

Post by ifwinterco »

phyzix5761 wrote: post #260
n0on3 wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> _An intelligent person can convince themselves of anything_ I think it might be just the opposite: convincing yourself of things relies on exploiting limits for which very intelligent people have much higher threshold they might as well not have them. When it comes to happiness, it’s kind of a superpower which I think very intelligent people just don’t have because it fights against their intelligence by definition…

People choose to believe what they desire and all desire eventually leads to disappointment and dissatisfaction. So, no, even if you could choose to convince yourself of whatever you want you're still not going to be happy. Also, people tend to pick the worst case scenario as a defense mechanism in most cases. If you really want to be happy you need to let go of your preferences; your desires and aversions.

The buddha figured that part out 7000 years ago but people just don't want to hear it for some reason

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#304

Post by alexpotato »

annzabelle wrote: post #107
dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework), and I let that label stick with me for far too long. I took some pride in how I could get the top score in a class without studying, and didn't realize that studying itself was a useful skill. I let this whole mindset drag me down through undergrad (especially once I hit the point where I really ought to have studied), an…

Also fell into this bucket for a short while.

In hindsight, I realized it was b/c I hadn't found subjects in high school that really resonated with me (although HS science was cool).

When I got to college I majored in computer science (academics) and discovered paintball (physical/social) and threw myself into both with abandon. I would do my CS homework as soon as it was assigned b/c I just loved solving the problems so much that I couldn't stop myself.

For paintball, it became an obsession that eventually turned into a job after college. Again, it was something I loved so much that it just seemed like a natural thing to work really hard running big tournaments. Why wouldn't I work hard on something that resonated with me so deeply.

This reminds me of a quote from Joe Rogan (who I know is somewhat controversial) that encapsulates this perfectly:

"In high school I thought I couldn't focus. I realized I can't focus on things I don't care about. I can focus for hours on things I'm into."

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#306

Post by sethammons »

sublinear wrote: post #214
GMoromisato wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The thing about having children is that you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them. And then, of course, it's too late. I'm convinced that I would have been happy without children. I would have lived a wonderful life, maybe with a spouse, maybe alone, traveling the world, working on my interests, and generally doing whatever I wanted to do. You don't miss what you never had. But now that I…

> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them While it's less common now, I don't think anyone who grew up in a bigger family under one roof could agree with that. Nothing divine is gatekeeping this experience. It's the socioeconomic climate we've created doing that. It makes perfect sense that you value your family so deeply, but you might want to reconsider where you anchor your pride. It…

My wife is one of seven. Her five older brothers nearly scared her off of ever wanting a son. Our kids are not like her siblings' nor their kids.

You might have an idea that there is no mystery. You've only seen a glimpse yet, even if you were changing your siblings' diapers. There is much more of that mystery iceberg.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#307

Post by psd1 »

Quarrelsome wrote: post #244
HDBaseT wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That seems like some gatekeeping egoistical hi-ground. I refuse to believe the average person here is any more intelligent than the average person on the street.

> I refuse to believe the average person here is any more intelligent than the average person on the street. This is a website of words. The average person looks almost exclusively at moving pictures. I'd suggest we're at least top 5% of some key things that make up intelligence: like curiosity and intellectual bravery.

I directionally agree, but i suspect your 95th-percentile anchoring is wildly optimistic.

Embarrassing admission: I'm probably much closer to the middle of the open-mindedness chart than i pretend. (I wish i was Bertrand Russell.)

Indictment: so are very many commenters here.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#308

Post by mandarinclips »

wseqyrku wrote: post #296
mandarinclips wrote: post #289

Interesting article. But here's my situation: I'm not smart, and I'm also not happy. So where does that leave me?

You can be angry all the time. I do this and it works out great since I don't have to explain myself anymore, everyone can totally just fuck off.

Staying angry all the time can trap you in a state of anxiety, which can then manifest as physical symptoms — like panic attacks. So, don't get angry.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#309

Post by simgt »

GMoromisato wrote: post #208
bittercynic wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a single and childless person, I don't like the implication that those are marks of a less fulfilling life. I know some people married with kids who seem very happy and fulfilled, and some profoundly miserable and trapped. I may be missing out on some good things, but I'm also avoiding some extreme misery, and generally do feel content and fulfilled.

The thing about having children is that you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them. And then, of course, it's too late. I'm convinced that I would have been happy without children. I would have lived a wonderful life, maybe with a spouse, maybe alone, traveling the world, working on my interests, and generally doing whatever I wanted to do. You don't miss what you never had. But now that I…

> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually

Is probably true for all life changing event. Extreme poverty, wealth, loss of a parent, etc. There's nothing special in that regard about having children.

> if you have even a slight feeling like maybe you want to have kids, I would absolutely do it

Nah, that's just being egocentric. Have children if you're pretty sure you can raise them in the best conditions possible for them to end up being happy, if not, better keep on hesitating.

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