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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#301

Post by ProllyInfamous »

bigmealbigmeal wrote: post #298
mmooss wrote: post #241

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

To be honest, I apologise if the following appears a bit terse; I’m just really frustrated with what you’ve said and this is the best I can describe why that’s the case (without watering it down) We don’t need to step back and work out the fundamental nature of sex and gender in order to have a functional conversation about them. I don’t need to provide a definition of a chair before I can tell you that ones with thr…

Among my favorite Paul Graham essays:

https://www.paulgraham.com/heresy.html>

>For example, when someone calls a statement "x-ist," they're also implicitly saying that this is the end of the discussion. They do not, having said this, go on to consider whether the statement is true or not. Using such labels is the conversational equivalent of signalling an exception. That's one of the reasons they're used: to end a discussion.

>If you find yourself talking to someone who uses these labels a lot, it might be worthwhile to ask them explicitly if they believe any babies are being thrown out with the bathwater. Can a statement be x-ist, for whatever value of x, and also true? If the answer is yes, then they're admitting to banning the truth.

----

Please don't try to end our constructive discussions, mmoose; people (men and women sure fine) have a tough enough time without having to get the language police involved.

[this will be my last response to this thread, as I continue hoping somebody learned anything, today]

Re: I rebooted my social life

#302

Post by 2f0ja »

owyn wrote: post #171
einsteinx2 wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What’s a timeleft dinner?

It's a "meet 5 random people for dinner/drinks" app. Actually sounds like it could be fun.

It is fun!

Of course tables are hit or miss - but learning how to carry a dead table is a fun challenge in and of itself. My city has a fairly extensive WhatsApp group for timelefters, usually all of the various tables meet up after for drinks and more socializing.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#303

Post by delayedrelease »

fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

I honestly don't enjoy hanging out with people who don't have kids anymore. Our lives have diverged so much that we rarely have much in common.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#305

Post by cadamsdotcom »

legerdemain wrote: post #289
cadamsdotcom wrote: post #102

Yep, build community - by organizing get-togethers for the most interesting people you know, not just yourself. It’s work, it doesn’t come naturally - but you get the privilege of curating who’s there.

This is backwards. You have the privilege of curating who's not there, by not inviting them. The fascinating people you do invite aren't obligated to show up.

Yep! - what you say is true, and that doesn’t make what I said false. Which is great!

Re: I rebooted my social life

#306

Post by lelandbatey »

levocardia wrote: post #292
fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

Part of it is the uncomfortable fact that it is not very much fun to spend time with people who have small children -- it's hard to have a real conversation for more than a few minutes, and if you yourself don't have kids, what their life revolves around right now (daycare, finding a kindergarten, etc) is just not going to be very interesting.

Kids are at least as interesting as having to take care of any other living things. As strange as it may seem, if you can ask questions about someone's multiple aquariums, their cats or dogs, their horses or cows, then there's at least, probably more to ask about their children. I don't understand how raising a child can be anything but interesting. Every parent I speak to about having kids has such different philosophies, values, goals, and they're so interesting to learn about. Once the kids can talk, they themselves have so much to say!

Raising kids has to be one of the most interesting things someone can do.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#307

Post by thepryz »

eitally wrote: post #69
btrettel wrote: post #59

I've thought about starting my own community group, but I am pretty skeptical that I could find many folks interested in what I'm interested in. I think this is a real barrier to many. Any advice? To elaborate, in the US, existing groups tend to be narrow and uninteresting to me. In most places I've lived, it's basically a mix of sports/fitness groups, art groups, "tech" (i.e., programmer; traditional engineers like…

Personally, I've found that running clubs attract diverse groups and tend toward activities that create ample opportunities for smalltalk and meeting people with shared interests outside of the sport. This doesn't hold true for most other sporting activities, in my experience.

My experience was sadly quite the opposite. When I moved to my current city two decades ago, I started attending a run club because I wanted to train for my first marathon and figured it would be a great opportunity to meet new people. Unfortunately, the group was extremely insular and eventually realized I was wasting my time expecting the group to engage with me in any meaningful way.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#308

Post by ball_of_lint »

squigz wrote: post #33
littlecranky67 wrote: post #31

Working remotely taught me a similar lesson as the author. The most important part that I think people get wrong in general is that online friends, or your good friends from uni or your childhood youth that you only see in person once or twice a year, can't replace an active local friends group - or community as he calls it. Cutting the daily interactions with other humans by no longer going to an office every day ma…

Why can't you have an online community? littlecranky, put your reply back please; it was a good one.

Touch is nice. And important for making social bonds.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#309

Post by OGEnthusiast »

delayedrelease wrote: post #303
fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

I honestly don't enjoy hanging out with people who don't have kids anymore. Our lives have diverged so much that we rarely have much in common.

Yeah, there's really not much that a single 45-year old guy has in common with a 45-year old whose married with kids. Maybe on paper they may appear to have similar jobs, live in similar places, etc. but they are on vastly different life paths with completely different interests (personal, political, social, etc.).

Re: I rebooted my social life

#310

Post by EE84M3i »

alexfoo wrote: post #27
yakattak wrote: post #2

My partner and I were discussing our need for “third spaces” this week. We’re homebodies, and enjoy being home. However mundanity of wake, work, hobbies, sleep in the same place every day is getting to us. It’ll be a slightly different approach to the other though. For me, I want to start playing some tabletop games (war games and/or RPGs) at my Friendly Local Game Shop. I think these types of interactions are import…

My wife and I go to co-working spaces a couple of times a week (on separate days and different co-working spaces), despite both working fully remotely. This is our solution for a "third space". This gets us out of the house, gives us some time away from each other and kids, and gives us some interaction with some other people (who work for completely different companies) but are kind of like colleagues in terms of ge…

If you go to these co-working spaces to work, then that's a second place, not a third place.
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