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I deleted my social media accounts

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Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#301

Post by kelnos »

JavierFlores09 wrote: post #288
jahsome wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a firm believer being loosely connected to so many people isn't the fix many seem to think it is. I find shallow connections, which is about all social media can support IMO, are worthless at best and detrimental at worst. YMMV, but my quality of life increased in ways I can't even begin to describe by severing all the dozens or perhaps hundreds of shallow connections social media was encouraging me to cling to.…

This kind of comment always makes me wonder, are the people doing this doing well financially to afford cutting off all those "loose" connections with people like that? Because I couldn't imagine just destroying these relationships for no reason when I myself have benefited vastly from keeping them alive, even if barely communicating at all with these people. I think this advice is generally harmful to networking as…

I don't think this discussion is about professional networking. It's about personal and social connections. If quitting Facebook makes you un-/under-employed then I think you're Doing Life Wrong.

GP mentions "severing" those connections, but I think that's even too strong a phrasing. There wasn't really anything there in the first place, so there wasn't anything to sever. Simply not reading someone else's social media posts anymore, when you didn't really interact with them outside Facebook (or for some people even inside Facebook) isn't really severing anything.

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#302

Post by austin-cheney »

monssooon wrote: post #296
nindalf wrote: post #38

This advice to quit social media is always a hit on HN. When I was 10 years younger I read the same thing on HN, was thoroughly convinced and quit social media. I even followed the advice of trying to stay in touch by email. Sure. Turns out that a lot of people I knew posted huge life updates that I completely missed out on. I asked them why they didn’t tell me and they were confused. They said the posted it on socia…

I also quit social media . I did not have this experience. I had no problem following what went on with friends and acquaintances?! I don't know why you had this experience. I'm sorry you felt like that. but for me the info that is important always gets to me. And I enjoy emailing and using the phone and meeting people for social events in stead. And when I miss some post on face I always hear it from someone else...…

It’s a matter of perspective and trade offs. If you are a person who experiences anxiety from missing things (FOMO) you are much more likely to notice this. I know since deleting my social media accounts I have missed out on a lot, only because my wife keeps up with stuff, but I cannot say how much I have missed because I really don’t care.

The other side to this is how aggressively a person is willing to take deliberate action to maintain personal relationships in the absence of social media automation. If you are that social butterfly who really owns that aspect of life you are likely to never miss any aspect of social media. Most people aren’t that good at taking dedicated action regularly reach out to people outside their most immediate circle though.

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#303

Post by kelnos »

jahsome wrote: post #220
anxoo wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

also in the old days, your friend bob would have told cory, "hey, did you hear alice's dad died? we should all go out for drinks". but we live in the bowling alone era, where we're increasingly isolated. quitting social media is not, on its own, going to fix your social life. and being on social media can make you more connected, or more miserable. the responsibility is yours

I'm a firm believer being loosely connected to so many people isn't the fix many seem to think it is. I find shallow connections, which is about all social media can support IMO, are worthless at best and detrimental at worst. YMMV, but my quality of life increased in ways I can't even begin to describe by severing all the dozens or perhaps hundreds of shallow connections social media was encouraging me to cling to.…

Couldn't agree more. I haven't deleted my Facebook account, but I no longer sign into it (I kept it because of event invitations, but at this point no one I know uses it for that anymore either). I have a little over 1,000 "friends" there. Back when I scrolled my feed multiple times per day, I read so many things about so many people who I hadn't interacted with outside of Facebook posts for years and years and years. I read so many things about so many people who I didn't even interact with on Facebook, let alone outside of it.

I don't miss any of that. Those connections were beyond shallow, and weren't adding anything positive or useful to my life.

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#304

Post by kelnos »

vFunct wrote: post #189
slg wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>if you mattered, you would've gotten a direct message or call from them. That ignores the asymmetry of a lot of life events. For example, if a parent died, I'm not going to call everyone in my life to tell them, I would have more important stuff on my mind. I might post it on social media and then the onus is on other people to reach out to me. And if someone doesn't reach out, it will hurt the relationship a little…

Indeed and in the olden times a lot of these life events would have been announced in the local newspaper. But these days, I don’t even know where to even buy a newspaper, let alone make sure everyone is reading it and keeping up with local news. So social media it is, which sucks because they’re extremely edited and filtered out by the algorithm.

For the people who you care about, you can contact them directly and set up a time to meet to catch up. Or catch up over text or email. Or start a messaging group with mutual friends and keep each other up to date that way.

My feeling is that if you only get updates about someone's life via their blasts on social media, you're not really friends. So why do you need to hear about all that stuff?

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#306

Post by austin-cheney »

slg wrote: post #186
hypeatei wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Turns out that a lot of people I knew posted huge life updates that I completely missed out on This doesn't really seem that important if your only method of knowing this was a post blasted to hundreds (or thousands) of people. Or, to put it another way: if you mattered, you would've gotten a direct message or call from them. I'd argue that social media has normalized keeping up with people who aren't supposed to b…

>if you mattered, you would've gotten a direct message or call from them. That ignores the asymmetry of a lot of life events. For example, if a parent died, I'm not going to call everyone in my life to tell them, I would have more important stuff on my mind. I might post it on social media and then the onus is on other people to reach out to me. And if someone doesn't reach out, it will hurt the relationship a little…

> I would have more important stuff on my mind. I might post it on social media and then the onus is on other people to reach out to me.

That seems so bizarre. Just 20+ years ago this sort of sympathy seeking broadcasting action was associated with mental health illness, like Munchausen Biproxy. Yes, back in the day if tragedy happened people would take deliberate effort to call each other.

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#307

Post by rafaelmn »

vasco wrote: post #277
asdfasvea wrote: post #239

Remember, the most important step in quitting social media is telling everyone on social media you're quitting social media.

And immediately feeling smug and better than everyone still in it. That's the best part!

But how will other people know about this after a while ? If only there was some tech platform where you get to pretend you're better than other people to people that don't care about you. This is the problem we set out to solve with Bluesky.

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#308

Post by labster »

Intermernet wrote: post #291
labster wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In 1999 we had obits and mail, just like in 1899. Of course now all of the newspapers are gone (what’s black and white and dead all over?), so notifying the local community is much harder than 25 years ago. Also some people back then would brag about not having a TV, the same way vegans still do today.

I didn't know not having a TV was a vegan thing...

See sibling comment lol

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#309

Post by kelnos »

veunes wrote: post #262
hypeatei wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Turns out that a lot of people I knew posted huge life updates that I completely missed out on This doesn't really seem that important if your only method of knowing this was a post blasted to hundreds (or thousands) of people. Or, to put it another way: if you mattered, you would've gotten a direct message or call from them. I'd argue that social media has normalized keeping up with people who aren't supposed to b…

But it’s also nice to know what’s going on in people’s lives without needing a deep connection...

But why, though? If all you have is a shallow social-media connection with someone, why is it nice to know what's going on in their lives?

We have a finite amount of time and energy to maintain connections with people. Even shallow connections eat into that. I'd rather spend that time and energy on deeper connections. And while it's customary to say "but sure, I guess other people have different views on this, so to each their own", I... well, I honestly believe it's unhealthy to obsessively try to maintain all these sorts of shallow connections. I think this is a part of why I read about how so many people are lonely these days and have trouble forming friendships and keeping them going.

Re: I deleted my social media accounts

#310

Post by bugtodiffer »

nindalf wrote: post #38

This advice to quit social media is always a hit on HN. When I was 10 years younger I read the same thing on HN, was thoroughly convinced and quit social media. I even followed the advice of trying to stay in touch by email. Sure. Turns out that a lot of people I knew posted huge life updates that I completely missed out on. I asked them why they didn’t tell me and they were confused. They said the posted it on socia…

> I have a few close friends and that’s it.

That's enough :)

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