Earlier quoted context omitted.
So you should really drive to central america, I guess?
They probably have computers on the outgoing checkpoint too. Maybe walk across Rio Grande or something. Or just go to Florida and swim for a really long time.
Does the US have outgoing checkpoints on its land borders? I thought you only dealt with the Canadian/Mexican customs agents on your way out, and only dealt with US CBP on your way back in. (I haven't crossed a US land border since a road trip to Canada when I was a kid, so I could be very wrong.)