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The benefits of staying off social media

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Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#301

Post by throwaway2037 »

GDC7 wrote: post #179
ketzo wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And, to wrap around to the original topic, I think social media can really enforce a particular vision of what that ideal conversational partner “”should”” be like, making the disappointment stronger.

Oh for sure, but social media doesn't enforce anything, it just shows rare shit that has always been there. Point is it was hidden or not as visible. It's a very rare thing for Victoria Secret's models to be the ones start making small talk, and yet Brad Pitt or Leonardo di Caprio are on the receiving end of that. That would happen regardless of social media, but somehow a paparazzi or a photographer is there to immo…

Wow, this is such an eye opening post. Thank you. You specifically point out "rareness". I never considered how much of a draw is rareness to human beings. I admit that rareness is like catnip for my discovery-addicted science mind. ("How is that possible? What are the chances? etc.")

On YouTube, there is a whole category of silly (but fun) videos that are nothing more than incredibly rare events (some funny, some scary) being caught on film. Example: Freak waves

A more thoughtful version of this would be a "supercut" which was quite popular about 10 years ago. Someone with a LOT of free time would find a particular actor/actress or view or pose in 25 to 100 different films, then curate a very short, but impressive video.

Wider: Many of the posts you have made here today are very thoughtful. Keep up the good work! :)

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#302

Post by throwaway2037 »

MeinBlutIstBlau wrote: post #251
GingerMidas wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you considered the target age hasn't changed, but you're just a decade older now?

Yes and no. Reddit is nothing what it once was. I do wholly recognize that reddit has typically had a younger audience. But it was not as "we need a socialist revolution, hyper-progressive moderatism, 1 letter top comment"-y as it used to be. On a post about a guy who ran a company and sued himself, I couldn't find the TL;DR until like 15 comments in. All the preceding comments were like "genius!" or "It's perfectly…

Real Question / Zero Trolling: What forums do you like these days? I have been reading HN for a few years now. I am still consistently impressed once a day by comments I read here. The community works pretty hard to self-correct. An imperfect social science, but they try. ( @dang)

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#303

Post by jnaddef »

nobody9999 wrote: post #271
micromacrofoot wrote: post #258

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The "launching point" is often the scary part . If I knew that every remark from a stranger was just a remark and I could say thanks and move on with my life I'd feel much better. Instead it's a tightrope walk. You have to be appreciative but not too appreciative, you need to be disinterested but not too disinterested. Sometimes it doesn't matter and you lose anyway. Appear too appreciative and you're hounded by some…

>The "launching point" is often the scary part. If I knew that every remark from a stranger was just a remark and I could say thanks and move on with my life I'd feel much better. >Instead it's a tightrope walk. You have to be appreciative but not too appreciative, you need to be disinterested but not too disinterested. Sometimes it doesn't matter and you lose anyway. You don't have to do anything. A polite nod and w…

This exchange is a very good illustration of what happened with the #metoo movement: a woman explains the toll that street harassment has on their life, and a man that has never experienced that brushes it off with a #notallmen.

While I agree that having small talk with strangers once in a while could be very healthy, I also try to remember that a woman has to unwillingly interact tens of times a day with male strangers just by walking in the street, sometimes with very scary outcomes, and being like "yeah but I am different" is not an appropriate response.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#304

Post by GDC7 »

raxxorrax wrote: post #295
GDC7 wrote: post #272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Again success, dominating the room, being at the center of the attention at parties, people being receptive when you go talk to them, after the aforementioned positive reception also showing openess for a second encounter.

But when you get caught in curating the environment that leads to a "win", it would probably hit strongly the other way. I disagree about the win/loss theory in general though. I think it is really a dissonance about what people expect and value in in or out groups. Someone afraid to speak up in certain groups might be quite outgoing in another. So there isn't really an absolute level of success. There are also very…

> But when you get caught in curating the environment that leads to a "win", it would probably hit strongly the other way.

Everybody curates their environment, people just do so unconsciously and without realizing it. An American movie star might dominate the room in Los Angeles...but they'd find a hard time even speaking to people in Iran, and if they are recognized people would be hostile towards them.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#305

Post by mateo- »

hintymad wrote: post #266
redisman wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow sounds like you really got enlightened by all the right wing talking points they’re pushing on social media to get people enraged. Maybe try turning that off too and see how you feel in a month

That's the problem of the left or you: labeling. You don't like a piece of information, then it's right wing, it's racism, it's whatever you call. I just want to know if something true. Did CNN report say "a mostly peaceful protest" in front of a burning building or not? Did Joy Reid's guest say "black mouth running white idea" or not? Did Seattle government tell its employees that white people are racists or not? Di…

he labeled your talking points as right-wing. And he'd be correct. Your thoughts are not your own.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#306

Post by TurkishPoptart »

Isn't HN social media, too? I scroll, open up 4 different tabs of articles to read, skim them, browse the comments, rinse and repeat. It still rewards that dopamine cycle of craving, seeking, reward, boredom, and desire to repeat the cycle again and again when facing an irritation or uncomfortable stimulus. I guess this text-based portal is just a "lite" version of social media, and even though I don't use FB or Insta, etc, this still seems to scratch the same itch.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#307

Post by nobody9999 »

jnaddef wrote: post #303
nobody9999 wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The "launching point" is often the scary part. If I knew that every remark from a stranger was just a remark and I could say thanks and move on with my life I'd feel much better. >Instead it's a tightrope walk. You have to be appreciative but not too appreciative, you need to be disinterested but not too disinterested. Sometimes it doesn't matter and you lose anyway. You don't have to do anything. A polite nod and w…

This exchange is a very good illustration of what happened with the #metoo movement: a woman explains the toll that street harassment has on their life, and a man that has never experienced that brushes it off with a #notallmen. While I agree that having small talk with strangers once in a while could be very healthy, I also try to remember that a woman has to unwillingly interact tens of times a day with male strang…

I don't, as you put it, "brush it off" at all.

What, exactly, do you suggest I do about it?

That's not a rhetorical question.

I have no control over the "crazies" or the "Entitled assholes."

I only have control over my actions.

So please, do tell. What is it I'm supposed to do other than treat those around me with courtesy and respect?

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#308

Post by trutannus »

watwut wrote: post #253
trutannus wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think that's what they're getting at. My understanding of this was that "people who actually care about you will find a way ". Someone who does not actually care about you won't bother. So chances are, if the person was only in contact with you because you're on Facebook, they don't really care about you in the first place. Cutting off someone who can't be bothered to get in touch with you is pretty normal.

So basically you are setting up the friendship test by deliberately making it harder to reach you. And then you guilt people who don't jump over obstacles you create.

This is a bizarre interpretation. Where exactly do you see that I guilt people? This isn't some "test", and the fact that you see it that way is somewhat baffling to me. It's a personal choice made based on personal preference. I don't like social media, so I won't use it.

I provide people who I want to be in contact with the means to do so easily. Be that over email, phone, text message, or even physical meetups. If sending me a text, or sending me an email, is too high of a barrier for communication for someone, that's not my problem and likely indicates that the friendship was not particularly valuable in the first place. That's not a "test", that's simply how things are.

If I don't want you to be able to contact me, you won't be able to. I'm not obligated to make myself available to anyone who may wish to contact me. I'm not sure why this needs to be explained.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#309

Post by nobody9999 »

jnaddef wrote: post #303
nobody9999 wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The "launching point" is often the scary part. If I knew that every remark from a stranger was just a remark and I could say thanks and move on with my life I'd feel much better. >Instead it's a tightrope walk. You have to be appreciative but not too appreciative, you need to be disinterested but not too disinterested. Sometimes it doesn't matter and you lose anyway. You don't have to do anything. A polite nod and w…

This exchange is a very good illustration of what happened with the #metoo movement: a woman explains the toll that street harassment has on their life, and a man that has never experienced that brushes it off with a #notallmen. While I agree that having small talk with strangers once in a while could be very healthy, I also try to remember that a woman has to unwillingly interact tens of times a day with male strang…

I'd also point out that commenting on the quality of the chicken noodle soup while on line at the supermarket (that's small talk) and randomly walking up to someone and tell them how sexy they look and suggest they sit on your face (that's harassment) are wildly different things.

Or do you believe they are exactly the same thing?

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#310

Post by supernovae »

tayo42 wrote: post #264
supernovae wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I sort of raged on twitter the other day that what we call "community" (while online) is sick. I'll take my example of Astrophotography - the "online community" is soul sucking, competitive and not nice at all - sort of hundreds of assholes all competing to be the biggest asshole... Yet, the astronomy clubs that meet in person that are shrinking in numbers and dwindling over the years (the comet just a little while a…

Where did you find an astrophotography community full of assholes? I'm fairly new and haven't seen much problems. Feel like online it's been fairly easy to find info and ask questions

Everywhere... Discord, Reddit & Cloudynights. It seems to be a community that has major GAS (gear acquisition syndrome) and everyone is rushing to one up each other and certain people in the community just get away with dominating the discussions and being assholes.

The people that are good at it and help the community seem to go through massive burnout too, love some of the youtubers but there are times they disappear to get away from it all.

I was not expecting it to be competitive.. was not expecting to find you only made friends if you spent a lot of time and money on something.. it's kind of "suffer with us and you may be accepted"...

they use racist frogs and memes for everything... can't tell what is real and what isn't... most people seem anti-social - makes sense, i am too - but not to the degree as some..

it was just a lousy community compared to in real life astronomy clubs where no one cared if you came with a plastic telescope.

If i was 30 years younger, there were some discords with kids that were fun... i got a laugh out of them - but fun in the sense of lol i can't believe you just said that to him not fun as in "this will be enjoyment"

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