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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#301

Post by karmelapple »

akhilcacharya wrote: post #255
karmelapple wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m so glad I had parents who encouraged in me what you are encouraging in your children. I was accepted to a very prestigious university, and as my friends, their parents, and other adults (including some family) found out, there was mostly encouragement to just go there. The attitude was, “why wouldn’t I want to go there? Just think of the opportunity!” They we’re shocked I was thinking of attending a state school…

I always am bothered by these stories because they seem to imply the person matters more than the school. I had mediocre grades and stats (#2 in class, 1500/1600) but I didn’t get into a prestigious school and went to my state school. The fact that I couldn’t even get into a top school appears to bode pretty poorly for my future if this is the criteria!

Which part of my story bothered you, and what criteria?

If we're talking whether someone will be generally happy and successful in life regardless of where they attend school, yes, I 100% think a person very much does matter more than any school they may attend.

And if we're talking whether someone is more "worthwhile", or will have a better life, if they get accepted into a prestigious school, I don't think that at all.

I think some circumstances I had no influence over, including going to high school in a less-populous state that likely had many fewer people even applying to prestigious schools, probably had a big part in me getting accepted.

> The fact that I couldn’t even get into a top school appears to bode pretty poorly for my future if this is the criteria!

What is the criteria you think would bode poorly for you? If you're a hard worker, spend lots of time to learn your chosen career skills, and spend lots of time becoming a clear and empathetic communicator, I think you can be very successful in your chosen career path, regardless of your GPA or standardized test scores from high school.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#302

Post by trustfundbaby »

lalos wrote: post #261
Bakary wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who also follows the rules well like your sibling (but isn't gifted), the more time passes the more I understand it to be a serious character flaw.

Why/how did you come to that conclusion? I'm surprised to see that self-reflection and conclusion of following rules is a character flaw.

yeah me too. fascinated for the answer.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#303

Post by georgewsinger »

I'm reminded of a quote from a very good book:

> "What important truth do very few people agree with you on?" — is difficult to answer directly. It may be easier to start with a preliminary: what does everybody agree on? “Madness is rare in individuals — but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule,” Nietzsche wrote (before he went mad). If you can identify a delusional popular belief, you can find what lies hidden behind it: the contrarian truth.

Tally up the number of people here vigorously (and defensively) arguing for "being happy", "being interesting", "being encouraging" (or anything but "being great") is all that matters, and you will get a very large number.

It's really, really hard to make an outsized contribution to humanity. So the consensus response to this is "well, but it doesn't really matter: just be happy". This cultural meme is extremely harmful to us all. People shouldn't be shunned for trying to do something great and failing. But we shouldn't go too far and say "well, as long as you're happy, you're not blameworthy". If you have a gift, you should use it for good. Your comfort is not the only thing that matters.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#304

Post by ken »

microtonal wrote: post #287
nihalot wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm working remotely but living like a nomad. A month at most in different villages across India. I now miss the city life, and am also considering moving to Europe, perhaps a small city in Germany. Can you share more about these smaller cities? What was your criteria for choosing the city you are in presently?

What was your criteria for choosing the city you are in presently? We lived in Tübingen (Germany) for five years. But the city was just a tad too small for my taste. There are only few stores (outside tourism-focused stores) and it there is fairly little to do in terms of concerts, etc. It is part of the Stuttgart metropolitan area, so there are a lot of work opportunities. I loved the scenery of Southern Germany, bu…

> It's really a drag that you can't do groceries on a Sunday,

In America I can buy groceries any day of the week, but as someone who often works odd hours, I find it a drag that almost none are open past 10 or 11pm. The buses don't run after midnight~1am, either, so if I need a dozen eggs at 3am, I have to get in my car and drive.

I feel that's not the sort of behavior that a city with aspirations should be encouraging. If you want interesting things happening in your city, you need people working at all hours to make it happen, and many will be on wages that don't support living downtown. You don't want every worker driving a car. It's simply not scalable.

> people expect you to pay with cash everywhere

I'm the opposite. I only pay by card or check for regular pre-planned purchases (like rent, or insurance). It's well established that people buy less when they pay with cash! I'm disappointed by all the trendy new shops that are card-only.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#305

Post by karmelapple »

akhilcacharya wrote: post #260
throwayEngineer wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The whole prestigious school thing means little imo. After you meet a few dunces from a top school and the rare genius who went to CC, you really stop caring. College is what you make it. If you aren't networking a top school, I don't see the purpose, we all learn math.

This isn't accurate, for instance the data structures/algorithms courses at top schools are significantly more attuned to how industry hiring works than mediocre schools like the one I went to, where you need a lot of external practice in order to be able to pass interviews.

I suppose it depends on what industry, and also where you're hoping to get hired?

My undergrad courses might not have gotten me totally ready for an interview at a FAANG company (though it's been over a decade since I graduated!), but that also wasn't a goal of mine.

And my undergrad courses did totally prepare me for a few interviews at very highly-respected companies, complete with job offers, without needing a lot of external practice.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#306

Post by nugget »

Consultant32452 wrote: post #299
nugget wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would argue that as University education has scaled up and become commoditized, the value of a generic degree as a signaling function has decreased, and that in response the value of matriculation to a top school has only increased. Schools are just brands and become an extension of the personal brands of their students and alums. Unless you're studying a hard science or similar, I'd bet that the value of lower ran…

I think education is going to radically change in the next decade or so. Online education is going to come up to par with the greatest of institutions. The missing link is the actual credential. The signal of the end of education as we knew it in the past is when a wealthy/powerful person comes out and endorses one of these things in a real way. For example, if Elon Musk comes out and says SpaceX considers a cert fro…

Generally I agree with your view, but there are real hiring problems that have to be solved first.

>if Elon Musk comes out and says SpaceX considers a cert from $NetflixOfEducation as equal to an engineering degree from MIT on a resume... then it's all over.

If 50 developers apply for a job and 3 of them are from MIT and 47 are from lesser known schools, using the MIT signal as a filter is efficient. If $NetflixOfEducation is too accessible and half of the applicants have it, then it loses its value as a hiring signal. Of course there are other filters too. Previous employers is an important one. You can create comprehensive professional examinations like they do in medicine, where a passing grade is a major achievement. But these don't scale well because the more they scale the easier it is to cheat, especially if the risks of getting caught cheating are minor (i.e. there aren't previous barriers that must be overcome via investment of time in other institutions first).

The other dynamic of top schools is the networking effect. There is real value in concentrating thousands of the "best and brightest" together in one place and bouncing them off each other. It doesn't scale, which is both a problem (for qualified people who are excluded for whatever reason) and a benefit (for those who participate, there is value in the scarcity).

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#307

Post by ppseafield »

BjoernKW wrote: post #89
S_A_P wrote: post #17

One of the first articles I remember reading on HN was back in 2009. The gist of the article was that you shouldn’t praise your kids for being smart, praise them when they work hard. Rewarding hard work will better serve them in the long run since being smart will plateau at some point. I have a 9 and 11 year old and I still bristle a little bit when my mom says y’all are so smart.

Hard work in itself isn't necessarily valuable. Smart work is. It's vital to learn early on that you have to put in the work if you want to achieve anything at all. Merely being gifted or naturally good at something certainly is not enough. However, I'd say it's just as important to understand the purpose behind any kind of work and to be able to question how things are usually done. Achieving the same or better resu…

I would make a small change: hard work isn't sufficiently valuable. Smart work without hard work doesn't achieve nearly as much.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#308

Post by 0815test »

turk73 wrote: post #62
augustl wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more. I'm currently beta testing a new optimization - I'm only allowed to play WoW Classic after my todo-list is done. One if the items on the todo-list is "do something productive for 30 minutes" (and currently, there's no shortage of things to fill those 30 minutes with). Maybe I can use the extreme gravitati…

You should throw out all the games. I'm serious. I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man. Now I'm managing younger guys who can't put down the controller. Last fall I had to fire someone who was clearly staying up all night playing video games and was never prepared for work nor doing an adequate job at it. Sadly, his own sense of privilege prevented him from being able t…

It's weird that this comment has been so controversial. It's like we've all forgotten that old wise saying - play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#309

Post by dfilppi »

Being 'gifted' can make you lazy, because you can be. It's a temptation for anyone above average. If you can coast and get praise, why kill yourself? Depends on your underlying personality I guess. This phenomenon is also why it's hard to progress a lot farther than your parents level: there's a diminishing level of praise for higher levels of achievement.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#310

Post by jdefr89 »

CyanBird wrote: post #195
bitexploder wrote: post #74

One of the worst things you can do, as a parent, is tell your kid they are smart. I have two kids and one of them is obviously “gifted”. The other is still pretty far ahead. Smart is a bad word in my house. Gifted is not something that is ever uttered. We (as parents) work very hard to instill a sense of hard work, effort, and purpose into our kids lives. They do BJJ, a martial art that is very hard, even if you are…

I wonder how would it be possible to teach young children to not value "being smart" and make that stick as they grown into rebel teenagers, deception is certainly not the way to go, as they will obviously notice it over time. Telling them "it doesn't matter" I don't think that's sticky enough, probably just being upfront and saying to them the reasons behind it, why it doesn't matter

I think "being smart" like anything else, has diminishing return. It should be we teach children that you can be very smart, but without work ethic/motivation/passion to go alone, you may not go half as far as you would imagine.
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