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How to Make Online Dating Work

nytimes.com

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Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#31

Post by volaski »

Thiz wrote: post #24

I have a humble idea not tried yet in match making, no profiles, no personality tests, just one simple fact I won't disclose. I don't need money, I can do it all myself, what I need is users. How do I get users once my MVP is ready? Perhaps a cofounder expert in marketing is the right solution?

You may not want to believe it but getting users is 90% of what it takes to succeed with dating apps. It's much more severe than any other types of services out there due to the nature of what it does. To succeed you should either have: 1. a plan to succeed at getting critical mass of users; 2. a plan to make it work even with a small set of users. If your clever idea doesn't involve any of those, you will fall into the trap of what tons of other unsuccessful dating app entrepreneurs fall into

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#32

Post by beachstartup »

elorant wrote: post #11

The main problem of online dating is that men usually are looking for sex while women for long-term relationships. Add to that the fact that in most dating sites the analogy of men to women is at least 3 to 1 and you realize pretty soon that it's a lose-lose game for most people.

> The main problem of online dating is that men usually are looking for sex while women for long-term relationships

this is an out-dated, stale, and dare i say sexist interpretation of modern gender relations.

there are lots and lots of men looking for relationships and completely failing to even get a date, much less get laid. there are also plenty of women who just want to hook up with hot caddish guys and have no interest in a LTR any time soon.

you don't need to look any further than tinder or reddit to find plenty of examples of both.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#33

Post by beachstartup »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #16
jacques_chester wrote: post #10

Some problems aren't really solvable. All you can do is move the suckiness around. Here's the problem: attraction is highly asymmetric. Many are attracted to few. Shrink a pool of heterosexual individuals to a pool to 3 men and 3 women -- the outcomes will still be asymmetric, with the majority of participants not getting who they preferred. No scheme, no twist, no app, no idea can change this, until the cyberpunk vi…

...until the cyberpunk vision of affordable beauty is a reality. That vision is here - it's called eat right, exercise and act like a man/woman. The outcomes will be asymmetric but the inequality will be lower. The current situation is tall hairy muscular guy dating pretty skinny blonde, while short fat bald guy is lucky to get fat brunette ugly girl. The delta in utility between the latter couple and the former coul…

> it's called eat right, exercise and act like a man/woman

absolutely. many men have been taught to act like women all their lives, and tacitly encouraged to neglect their physical health and appearance.

much of the male 'self improvement' industry focuses around de-brainwashing men of this ridiculous notion that they should suppress all their masculine traits/desires, and the notion that women are somehow not turned on by masculine physical health/development (muscles, grooming, well-fitting attire). things like facial attractiveness and height are actually secondary to these things in the real world.

money/success can help, but if you're a schlubby fat rich guy, the type of woman you will attract is probably not ideal.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#34

Post by nadams »

I have experiences and opinions on this but to keep it short:

It should really be split into several phases:

1) Take away profiles, pictures, zodiac signs, advanced algorithms and just put some basic constraints and have a blind chatroulette type system. Algorithms could be used for matching people like determining if they both like the same movies or something. It might be good to give them a mutual topic to talk about (same school, movies, games etc) - otherwise every chat will start with "what is your favorite movie?"

2) Then let them decide if they want to share more information like sharing their profile, pictures, zodiac signs.

3) If they still want to continue - have each independently check boxes of if they want to see a movie and/or dinner and what movie/restaurant they would be interested in (also include possible locations) and figure out a mutual date based on those selections.

Much better than a cold approach and you know instantly that you are talking with somebody on the other end (verification might be an interesting feature).

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#35

Post by somberi »

I am married and one thing I hear from many of single Male friends is that, dating is expensive. I am talking from a narrow PoV of Manhattan, NYC.

A significant majority of dates end up by the man picking up the tab for a dinner / drinks. This normally runs to $100 a night, if not more.

If the social custom of having to meet in a nice, but not necessarily swanky place, takes a back seat, and if both pitch in for a reasonable meal, I think more relationships will flourish.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#36

Post by lnanek2 »

nadams wrote: post #34

I have experiences and opinions on this but to keep it short: It should really be split into several phases: 1) Take away profiles, pictures, zodiac signs, advanced algorithms and just put some basic constraints and have a blind chatroulette type system. Algorithms could be used for matching people like determining if they both like the same movies or something. It might be good to give them a mutual topic to talk ab…

That would be fine for men, but women would just be flooded. They already get thousands of messages on dating apps. They aren't going to go for something that doesn't let them weed people out without a conversation first. That just doesn't scale.

Genetically men have evolved to get as many women pregnant as possible, women have evolved to be picky and decide which is best to spend 9 months having the baby of. You aren't going to get a successful dating site only appealing to men like your design where everyone is forced to have a conversation before they can be picky.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#37

Post by laurieg »

reinhardt wrote: post #19
elorant wrote: post #11

The main problem of online dating is that men usually are looking for sex while women for long-term relationships. Add to that the fact that in most dating sites the analogy of men to women is at least 3 to 1 and you realize pretty soon that it's a lose-lose game for most people.

Any evidence that the "men looking for sex / women for LTR" hypothesis, to the extent it is true, is more prevalent in online dating, as opposed to dating in general? I think it mostly comes down to anonymity and low cost of rejection. Men online are just less embarrassed to express thoughts and desires that they wouldn't to a dating prospect that is, say, friend of a friend due to the increased social cost of coming…

I have to say that, as a man, 0 investment in the interaction from the start is the only real way to play the game. The chances of any given person getting back to me on tinder is so low that I actively try to avoid reading profiles and getting interested before swiping right. Even after a 'successful' match the chances of meeting up in real life are so slim that it just feels like a game. "I don't know this person, we'll probably never meet so I've got nothing to lose".

Social networks are important to making a dating system work. Facebook is the most successful dating app in the world by far.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#39

Post by nether »

tasqa wrote: post #23
nether wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Add to that the fact that in most dating sites the analogy of men to women is at least 3 to 1 I've never actually seen this proven. Did you scrape profiles? OkC staff have repeatedly claimed that the ratio is around 50/50 for major metro areas: http://cdn.okcimg.com/blog/older_lover/Age-Distribution-With... https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-male-female-ratio-on-big-f...

Heads up I'm not familiar with these kind of sites. But to quote the Adultfriender hack article of last month: Among the 26,939 users with a UK email address, for example, there are just 1,596 who identified as female: a ratio of one woman to every 16 men.[1] [1] http://www.channel4.com/news/adult-friendfinder-dating-hack-...

Well AFF is unique in that it's explicitly a hookup site, and that might naturally skew men. I'm not sure an even gender balance would even help anything. With 1,000 men and 1,000 women, you'd still have the most attractive women flooded with messages.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#40

Post by FLUX-YOU »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #16
jacques_chester wrote: post #10

Some problems aren't really solvable. All you can do is move the suckiness around. Here's the problem: attraction is highly asymmetric. Many are attracted to few. Shrink a pool of heterosexual individuals to a pool to 3 men and 3 women -- the outcomes will still be asymmetric, with the majority of participants not getting who they preferred. No scheme, no twist, no app, no idea can change this, until the cyberpunk vi…

...until the cyberpunk vision of affordable beauty is a reality. That vision is here - it's called eat right, exercise and act like a man/woman. The outcomes will be asymmetric but the inequality will be lower. The current situation is tall hairy muscular guy dating pretty skinny blonde, while short fat bald guy is lucky to get fat brunette ugly girl. The delta in utility between the latter couple and the former coul…

>act like a man/woman

Meaningless bullshit, the definition of which is often shaped by advertising for the purposes of getting you to buy their stuff to temporarily assuage your insecurities. Just find some genuine interests and a passion or two, even if that means you're a bodybuilder doing crochet.

Everyone physically capable should eat right and exercise though.

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