31–40 of 111 posts
> But other people, as it turns out, actually aren't thinking about us quite as judgmentally or intensely as we tend to anticipate. Not nearly, in fact. ^This... I'm European and when I've visited USA / Silicon Valley (w/o knowing many people there) I have gone alone to hackathons, clubs, meetups, conferences, and many other places... and I've enjoyed it even more than other times I've gone out with friends. Doing th…
I often find myself doing things alone. I took a trip alone to New Orleans and went to have brunch at this popular restaurant. The line was pretty long and lots of people waiting outside. I went up to the host and she asked how many people were in my party, I responded, "just me." She said, "follow me this way." So one thing I've come to realize is that when you go to a restaurant alone there's usually zero waiting t…
It has taught me so much about how to fearlessly socialize with strangers in a completely non-needy (not to mention non-creepy) way. Also, all of the bullsh*t that you have to deal with just in terms of getting into good clubs (at least in NYC, where you have to promote girls into the door just to get in) makes normal work challenges seem trivial.
It is not for the faint of heart, but in case anyone is wondering it will pay DIVIDENDS in terms of life skills (and the short-term "benefits" can also be good :).
When I first moved to SF 17 years ago I was going out to eat alone quite a lot, this was before the smartphone so instead of technology I took a book instead.
I have a lot of friends so it's not a question about that. It's just that solitude brings out some interesting perspectives on life.
Can't say that this has been my experience. I moved to the other end of the country 2.5 years ago and still haven't really formed a social group. I started off heading out and doing stuff on my own, but it gets pretty depressing pretty quickly, and definitely isn't as fun as doing the same things with others. I now don't really do public things on my own at all.
I think "rolling solo" as a guy doing cold approach pickup is one of the most badass learning experiences you can have. It has taught me so much about how to fearlessly socialize with strangers in a completely non-needy (not to mention non-creepy) way. Also, all of the bullsh*t that you have to deal with just in terms of getting into good clubs (at least in NYC, where you have to promote girls into the door just to g…
The first man, I decided, was waiting for someone and was very clearly uncomfortable with the idea that he was sitting alone in a public place. His right leg was shaking rapidly (my right leg started doing the same thing as I watched him) and kept giving off signals that could only be interpreted as a mixture of anxiety and outward gestures to let people know that he was waiting for someone. He also kept taking out his phone, fiddling with it, and putting it back away. I was behind him, so I noticed that all he was doing was compulsively flipping back and forth between the home screens on his iPhone. Sure enough, a woman with whom he seemed well-acquainted with showed up five minutes later to join him, and he calmed down.
The second man had no scheduled guests beside his waiter and was calm as could be. He just sat, unoccupied, and enjoyed his meal and coffee alone while mildly observing his surroundings. He even noticed me glancing at him and offered a smile as if to say that he knew what I was doing. I smiled back.
The reality is, and this was one of the points of the article, that I hadn't even noticed either of them until I had intentionally given myself a reason to.
I'm a big fan of solo bar meals. Anecdotally and informally, I'd say at least 1/3 of the time a stranger or group will initiate conversation with me. Overall it turns into an active social occasion for me >50% of the time. Even without active social interaction, I find people watching to be very enjoyable anyway.
I'm a big fan of solo bar meals. Anecdotally and informally, I'd say at least 1/3 of the time a stranger or group will initiate conversation with me. Overall it turns into an active social occasion for me >50% of the time. Even without active social interaction, I find people watching to be very enjoyable anyway.