Here's the thing about being not nice: you can usually get away with it if you're really exceptional, but if you ever misstep, nobody will want to help you out, and some may gleefully put the screws to you. Just in the last couple of years, a couple of acquaintances that had a reputation for being not nice have stumbled career-wise, and unsurprisingly no one was there to lend a hand. Honestly, I was shocked how little time it took to catch up to them.
Be Nice Or Leave
31–40 of 108 posts
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#32Some time ago I was involved in founding a company and two VCs were working together to fund us. They'd come up with a term sheet and we needed to alter some of the parts of it. So, we sat down with them and the CEO of our company laid things out by running through all the parts that everyone agreed on and framing the discussion as "and there are these two provisions that we don't, so we're really close". The rest of…
This seems more like an example of framing/presentation. Not to say they werent nice people :)
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#33"We know that some of the most successful entrepreneurs in tech have been difficult individuals who did what they had to do to get ahead." , "We know that a lot of investors, VCs included, will do what is required to make a buck." , "It's conventional wisdom that being nice is a bad idea" , followed by a singular anecdotal data point arguing otherwise. I'd posit that it depends on the actual business domain. Some are…
I like to think the article means to say: be nice and fair, including to yourself.
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#34Sounds very American; like the server in a resteraunt being overly nice, making those of us who aren't used to the wallmart greeter style uncomfortable. Cut the bull; I would rather people be more honest than be more nice (and if they are trying too hard, it's easy to tell). It's amazing how a bit of bluntness automatically influences me and how much niceness projection makes me sick.
Oh, and your last sentence reminded me of something else. My Swiss company was bought by a large American Silicon Valley company. The first time the C-level staff came for an all-hands meeting was a strange experience.
The Americans were smiley and happy and joking around in the front of the large meeting room... I think I'm becoming more European because I felt like they looked like idiots (idiot in the literal sense). The Europeans (about 100) were quiet as they usually are in meetings - some polite chuckles when an American would tell a joke during his talk, but they were getting frustrated at how long the Americans were taking to get to the point.
I spoke with one of the C-level staff afterwards and I had to assure him that the Europeans weren't upset about the takeover - most of us were happy for it. The Europeans were just more serious and respectful than the Americans were used to.
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#35"We know that some of the most successful entrepreneurs in tech have been difficult individuals who did what they had to do to get ahead." , "We know that a lot of investors, VCs included, will do what is required to make a buck." , "It's conventional wisdom that being nice is a bad idea" , followed by a singular anecdotal data point arguing otherwise. I'd posit that it depends on the actual business domain. Some are…
I like to think the article means to say: be nice and fair, including to yourself.
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Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#36Almost everybody I have ever learned something truly valuable from was a nice person.
I have yet to meet an example of the single-minded-asshole-genius who is actually a success.
Most of the truly credible successes I have met are nice people and highly regarded.
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#37Sounds very American; like the server in a resteraunt being overly nice, making those of us who aren't used to the wallmart greeter style uncomfortable. Cut the bull; I would rather people be more honest than be more nice (and if they are trying too hard, it's easy to tell). It's amazing how a bit of bluntness automatically influences me and how much niceness projection makes me sick.
So you and I are in a meeting and you throw out an idea. Would you rather me a) call you a fucking idiot without even thinking through what you said and move on or b) explain why I don't agree with your idea and let you clarify? Even if the idea had zero merit, it is still in my long term interest to talk it through with you if I want you fully engaged on the team. The idea could be a teaching moment or even lead to…
Depends how efficient you want to be about it. Also, respectful is quite different from "nice," but people's definition of what being nice means is quite diverse.
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#38We also have one of those signs, from when a good friend lived next door to Dr. Bob's workshop (he being the purveyor of those signs). He's an incredible (and incredibly oddball) guy, and a visit to his workshop / junkyard is a great example of the part of New Orleans that most visitors never see.
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#39Here's the thing about being not nice: you can usually get away with it if you're really exceptional, but if you ever misstep, nobody will want to help you out, and some may gleefully put the screws to you. Just in the last couple of years, a couple of acquaintances that had a reputation for being not nice have stumbled career-wise, and unsurprisingly no one was there to lend a hand. Honestly, I was shocked how littl…
That's what I really hope when I think of an employee who screwed me completely over after I gave him a chance and spent a lot of time training him...
But from the last news I've heard being a snake has been very successful for him and he's landed a high position in the new company where he works (taking over the guy who hired him).
I hope one day it all catches to him but I'm not hopeful.. I just wish the world worked like this.
Re: Be Nice Or Leave
#40I work with a legitimately talented and hard-working Lead Architect who is not nice.
He's constantly petty, degrading, and passive-aggressive. He'll interpret whatever you say in whichever way allows him to insult you. His "arch reviews" are provided in a way that makes people feel shitty instead of making them smarter. He doesn't create sharable documents or written guidance. He is, in essence, a borderless micro-manager, who shits on the whole damned engineering team.
He's tolerated by the CEO because he shipped the first version of the product quickly, so the CEO thinks he's brilliant.
He's tolerated by the CTO because the CTO doesn't realize that his ego and passive-aggressiveness have both swelled as the company has grown.
He is the reason that many of our best engineers have left. Every single one of his direct reports has transferred or quit in less than 12 months.
He is undermining a great company.
At this point, he better hope that we have a great outcome despite his bullshit, because if he doesn't make enough money to retire, he's fucked. Zero of the engineers (and engineering management) would ever work with him, ever again. It's too lousy of an experience.
And the really sad thing is that if he was just nice about stuff, he'd be one of our best employees. But he has to be a dick about every single little thing. He has to be snarky. He has to be the smartest guy in the room. On all topics.