Earlier quoted context omitted.
Anybody know of any tools that would work with JS-rendered sites, and not have to "parse the JS"?
PhantomJS?
No, Phantom will only recreate the page as it would look like to a human user (i.e. after all javascript is parsed and executed). It will not help you parse or slice the page - you would have to do that part programatically with other dom-parsing tools.