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Saying No

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Re: Saying No

#31

Post by nicbou »

thor-rodrigues wrote: post #7

So at the beginning of the story you started with a rented space you and others practice yoga, and the end result is that you lost your practice room, without gaining anything else other then… slightly more confidence? Is there supposed to be a teaching in here?

That's how boundaries work. When you set them, you define your actions when they are crossed, and you accept the consequences of those actions.

It doesn't magically give you the upper hand in one-sided negotiations. It only ensures that your actions are in line with your principles.

Re: Saying No

#32

Post by jstummbillig »

serf wrote: post #26
collinmcnulty wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think he actually lost the practice room. The person speaking was not the owner.

At the very least it's a cliff hanger. If the authority figure has the balls to say 'fine, I'll get your contract terminated' I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if that was exactly the outcome.

You should probably be a bit more surprised. There is a class of people (specially) in business, who threaten a lot habitually and don't act on it, if you call the bluff.

The reason is that a lot of people do cave. "Free" wins. If it does not work, they just pretend nothing happened.

Re: Saying No

#33

Post by engineer_22 »

chromakode wrote: post #13

Saying no without attempting to negotiate first also comes off as childish, and affects the outcome of future negotiations because it demonstrates an unwillingness to compromise.

No is a perfectly reasonable starting point for a negotiation.

Re: Saying No

#34

Post by nicbou »

chromakode wrote: post #13

Saying no without attempting to negotiate first also comes off as childish, and affects the outcome of future negotiations because it demonstrates an unwillingness to compromise.

Sometimes "no" is a full answer. Compromise is not owed if the demands seem unreasonable. If you ask a question and can't accept no for an answer, you were not really asking.

Re: Saying No

#35

Post by pflenker »

It feels to me as if the author got it backwards - in turning the AC back on, they didn’t „say no“ - the person who put up the note has „said no“ in the first place (to the practice of turning the ACs off) and the author was ignoring this clearly visible outlined boundary that other person has drawn.

Don’t get me wrong, the note itself wasn’t great either, but ignoring it wasn’t some great sign of „saying no“ - it was needlessly escalating a conflict instead of trying to resolve it.

Re: Saying No

#36

Post by serf »

I felt zero sympathy after the author decided to ignore any possible valid reasoning under the cemented position of 'well I pay rent' -- that's not maturity.

Further more, my rule: the more someone tells you how mature their position is and how child like you're being the more the odds increase that the only problem is that your opponent doesn't have a mirror or an ounce of introspection.

Re: Saying No

#38

Post by xg15 »

> He listed some vague reasons, compressor this, compressor that, costs, etc... which I didn't care to understand.

wouldn't part of an "adult-to-adult conversation" also be to try and listen to the other, if nothing else than to understand their arguments?

> After some filler words, he said he will talk to the owner terminating the contract and giving a refund. I said great and hung up.

If that's what OP understands as "negotiating the difference" then ok, I guess...

Re: Saying No

#39

Post by j_maffe »

nkrisc wrote: post #12
thor-rodrigues wrote: post #7

So at the beginning of the story you started with a rented space you and others practice yoga, and the end result is that you lost your practice room, without gaining anything else other then… slightly more confidence? Is there supposed to be a teaching in here?

To not be a pushover. The alternative is also not getting what they want: a cold yoga space. So this is probably the better outcome.

But that seems to have little to do with the quote... I'm confused.

Re: Saying No

#40

Post by SoftTalker »

jstummbillig wrote: post #32
serf wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the very least it's a cliff hanger. If the authority figure has the balls to say 'fine, I'll get your contract terminated' I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if that was exactly the outcome.

You should probably be a bit more surprised. There is a class of people (specially) in business, who threaten a lot habitually and don't act on it, if you call the bluff. The reason is that a lot of people do cave. "Free" wins. If it does not work, they just pretend nothing happened.

They also threaten things that they have no real power or authority to actually do, because they are used to people just rolling over and letting them get their way.
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