How I Blew My Marriage

It think this should be extrapolated as follows: "If you have a particular personal hygiene habit that drives your SO crazy, then avoid it, for their sakes."

fwiw, my parents NEVER argued in front of me and my 3 siblings[1], but I'm confrontational to a fault. I suppose the only difference could be that I had 3 siblings, and my parents took a "let them workout their own fights" approach which, with 3 siblings (all within 7 years of each other), will teach you how to deal with confrontation real fast.

[1]the one time we ever saw them fight, it was about the dishes, and the 4 of us kids were all so distraught about it we went into a corner and cried together while they fought. I remember it vividly.

For people (like me) who hate pagination:

  1. Don't stop holding her hand
  2. Don't stop trying to be attractive
  3. Don't always point out her weaknesses
  4. Don't stop cooking for her
  5. Don't yell at your spouse
  6. Don't call names
  7. Don't be stingy with your money
  8. Don't argue in front of the kids
  9. Don't encourage each other to skip working out
  10. Don't poop with the bathroom door open
  11. Don't stop kissing her
  12. Don't stop having fun together
  13. Don't pressure each other
  14. Don't label each other with negative labels
  15. Don't skip out on things that are important to her
  16. Don't emotionally distance yourself after a fight

Having wrecked a good number of serious relationships in my time, I really feel those are just symptoms of underlying problems that can't be corrected by adhering to lists. There seem to be categories of things going wrong and a lot of these points are redundant in that context. Maybe the message should not be primarily that relationships require work, but that they often need to run better algorithms. People need to make more of an effort to see the world through their partners' eyes, but they also need to establish a clearer understanding about their own goals and feelings.

Holding hands (1), cooking for each other (4), kissing (11), having fun (12) - those are kind of obvious relationship indicators and they should not be items on a to do list. If they don't happen there are underlying causes such as lack of time, stress, apathy, or a general lack of affection.

Making an effort to be desirable (2), working out (9), not pooping publicly (10, WTF?!?) are general maintenance problems related to attractiveness, and they're kind of obvious.

The highly redundant items pertaining to not being a total dick (3, 5, 6, 13, 14) look like they might happen increasingly when the relationship has already entered failure mode.

Emotional distance (16) is what you're supposed to feel after a serious fight. Effort should go into addressing the issues leading to the fight, as well as the behavior of both people during the actual confrontation. If you feel distance after the "battle", that means the war is not over and you have a serious problem there that can't be addressed by simply forcing yourself to not feel distant anymore.

Finally, 15, skipping out on activities that are important to your partner. Well, I think it's important that both partners remain full individuals even during a relationship. Shared interests and activities are great, and it does make sense to attend stuff for the sake of your better half sometimes. However, if there are things one party doesn't like to do at all, there should always be a way to opt out peacefully. Attending stuff you don't like won't do anyone any favors in the long run, it's not healthy or sustainable.

It's anecdotal at best. Not only it can't be generalized, at different ages the outcome may be a lot different. Kids need a certain level of maturity to understand properly conflicts and learn conflict resolution otherwise they simply feel them as a crack in their world. There are not fast and hard rules here, every kid/situation may be quite different...