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How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

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Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#31

Post by jacquesm »

palata wrote: post #24
Ensorceled wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the hardest part of dealing with a chronic complainer: they think they are the only one "noticing a fire" and "getting sidelined" for raising flags. Often there isn't actually a fire, they're complaining about trivialities. Everybody already knows about the fire because they've complaining about at every meeting for three months. Or the thing they are complaining about can't be changed. They're actually getti…

Sometimes I find that there is a question of preferences. Take 3 architects, they will come up with 3 different architectures. There is "style" in architecture. Some people will complain because the chosen architecture is not their preferred one, and they see everything that is not their preferred choice as "bad". I feel like establishing a hierarchy may make sense here: "This person is the architect, you are not. Yo…

I think it is really hard for certain people to admit that there are multiple ways that lead to the goal and that those other ways (not their preferred ones) are probably just as valid. And when the choice is made not to take their preferred way they turn into net negatives because now they are going to prove their way was better by sabotaging the alternative. This can wreck projects quite handily.

The best managers build consensus and try to avoid people digging in behind 'their' solutions. This is hard work.

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#32

Post by dakiol »

Am I the only one who doesn’t care if the team has one individual with such traits? Like, if it slows down execution, well, I’m not into squeezing the last drop of speed of everyone. Also, people like that always give you the chance to show how good you are (supposedly): you can support them with potential fixes, you can support the team by saying perhaps that the complaint is not a big deal because data says so, whatever.

It’s like those people who are racist: they always make me feel better with myself because I don’t hold such beliefs. If everyone would be a saint, I would feel a bit down (because I’m not one).

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#34

Post by ktallett »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #17

> Example: A team member repeatedly complains about timelines. Each time, the manager extends them. Soon, complaining becomes the default negotiation strategy. Well, are the timelines too short? Is the team member complaining , or are they pointing out actual problems with the proposed timeline? And if the complaining gets the timeline extended to something reasonable, is there a problem with it being a negotiation t…

It seems as if the leadership in this situation hasn't even considered that they may be in the wrong and the points brought up maybe valid. So many teams set unrealistic deadlines or expectations based on dates plucked from the air and then wonder why work can't be completed on time.

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#35

Post by varjag »

alphazard wrote: post #27

Most of the time, complainers are a exhibiting a personality trait (or learned behavior as the article says); let's call those "unserious complainers". Some of the time (maybe 10% IME), the person complaining knows how to fix a problem, and is confused why no one is taking them or their suggestion seriously. It could be that the problem has existed for so long that the team has a cognitive blindness, or the team is s…

As an obscure stand-up comedian once said, "initiative has to be punished with following it up".

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#36

Post by jamil7 »

alphazard wrote: post #27

Most of the time, complainers are a exhibiting a personality trait (or learned behavior as the article says); let's call those "unserious complainers". Some of the time (maybe 10% IME), the person complaining knows how to fix a problem, and is confused why no one is taking them or their suggestion seriously. It could be that the problem has existed for so long that the team has a cognitive blindness, or the team is s…

> A good way to partition the complainers into serious and unserious groups is to ask for a written plan

This can be good but I've seen it weaponized before by an incompetent cto to deflect and delay any change. He would ask for written proposals on the most minute details until people just gave up trying to fix anything.

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#37

Post by siva7 »

jacquesm wrote: post #29
alphazard wrote: post #27

Most of the time, complainers are a exhibiting a personality trait (or learned behavior as the article says); let's call those "unserious complainers". Some of the time (maybe 10% IME), the person complaining knows how to fix a problem, and is confused why no one is taking them or their suggestion seriously. It could be that the problem has existed for so long that the team has a cognitive blindness, or the team is s…

That's a great call but it should be paired with a promise: you present your great plan and then we'll put it to a vote. Otherwise you are just trying to get rid of them with busywork.

I think many long-time managers can recall some time were they really just put up busywork for them to not have to deal with that team member. It's not the best solution but sometimes it eases political conflicts.

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#38

Post by strangescript »

electric_muse wrote: post #8

[flagged]

There are plenty of people who complain because its baked into their personality. Those people can also work at a bad place and have a target rich environment so to speak.

The only sure fire way to avoid this label being applied unjustly is always bring solutions, not complaints. Document your solutions and let it rest if leadership doesn't agree.

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#39

Post by jacquesm »

siva7 wrote: post #37
jacquesm wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a great call but it should be paired with a promise: you present your great plan and then we'll put it to a vote. Otherwise you are just trying to get rid of them with busywork.

I think many long-time managers can recall some time were they really just put up busywork for them to not have to deal with that team member. It's not the best solution but sometimes it eases political conflicts.

I think that's unfair.

Re: How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

#40

Post by sam_lowry_ »

jacquesm wrote: post #29
alphazard wrote: post #27

Most of the time, complainers are a exhibiting a personality trait (or learned behavior as the article says); let's call those "unserious complainers". Some of the time (maybe 10% IME), the person complaining knows how to fix a problem, and is confused why no one is taking them or their suggestion seriously. It could be that the problem has existed for so long that the team has a cognitive blindness, or the team is s…

That's a great call but it should be paired with a promise: you present your great plan and then we'll put it to a vote. Otherwise you are just trying to get rid of them with busywork.

Vote? By the same people who created this mess in the first place?

It's a sure was to demotivate a serious complainer. He knows the vote will be turned against him.

The only was to give him confidence is to promise that the plan will be judged objectively, not democratically.

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