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Matched and Deleted

dikshaupadhyay.com

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Re: Matched and Deleted

#31

Post by throwanem »

clan wrote: post #12
chilmers wrote: post #7

I think the accepted truth that dating apps like Hinge are terrible for finding long-term partners ignores the fact that most people are not really trying to use them to find a long-term partner. They might say they wanted to find a long-term partner, but that doesn't correspond to their use of the app. They aren't using them in any kind of dedicated or organized way. They just load them up when they're bored and was…

But I prefer my tools to come with proper instructions on the box. The reason the "tool" works for you is that you are willing to game the system. Everything can be a hammer. Those really looking for a casual hookup rarely are honest about it. The pond might shrink if they are (maliciously or not). This then requires a much more guarded and hard approach for those seriously looking for longterm relationships. There i…

Has it occurred to you that tools are created by people for reasons, which absolutely may be judged both for intentional malice and insufficiently forestalled harmful consequence?

Re: Matched and Deleted

#32

Post by mettamage »

thrwythrwythrwy wrote: post #24

Personally, I’ve only ever been on three dates my entire life — all of them with women I met on Hinge while I was active on it last year. None went past the first date. When my account was new, I got more matches than I could reasonably handle. But that slowly changed into a trickle, and eventually no matches for months on end. I had lots of motivation to meet someone in the beginning; now I begrudgingly feel resigne…

[flagged]

Re: Matched and Deleted

#33

Post by bossyTeacher »

mettamage wrote: post #19
Noumenon72 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you mean you have a surgically repaired cleft lip that gives you a slight sneer, or are you telling us you have an up-to-the-nostril cleft lip and covering it up with Photoshop worked for you?

Respectfully, I don’t want to talk about the topic of my cleft lip. It hurts to talk about it. It’s hard enough bringing it up. I bring it up to give evidence to the fact that I am not a stereotypical good looking guy. Because I am not.

I feel we are bad at assessing our own attractiveness (unless you are exceptionally top-model like attractive). Most people who find you attractive will never tell you. This is particularly true for men as women are socialised to not be that overt about their romantic interests.

Re: Matched and Deleted

#34

Post by bossyTeacher »

chilmers wrote: post #7

I think the accepted truth that dating apps like Hinge are terrible for finding long-term partners ignores the fact that most people are not really trying to use them to find a long-term partner. They might say they wanted to find a long-term partner, but that doesn't correspond to their use of the app. They aren't using them in any kind of dedicated or organized way. They just load them up when they're bored and was…

This is so true. For many people it is just a nice validation boost. You don't need to do anything apart from the initial set-up. Likes and matches will start trickling on their own and you don't have to compromise on anything. Any requests for meeting up or video chat or similar can be ignored or the person can be deleted. There is nothing like this in the real world.

Re: Matched and Deleted

#35

Post by hijp »

ozzyphantom wrote: post #18

After finding my partner on Hinge (following years of dating apps, setups, and in-person approaches), I've reflected on this journey. Despite the countless disappointing dates, the 3-year struggle ultimately proved worthwhile. However, I'm troubled by how profit motives distort online dating. The business model incentivizes engagement over meaningful connections, creating a system where genuine relationships feel lik…

I think it's a fantastic idea! Having met 90% of my girlfriends through dating apps, I've watched them all gradually morph into Tinder clones with dark patterns and steep monthly fees ($20-$50). It's terrifying to think you might never meet your future spouse because you accidentally swiped left on a touchscreen.

I used to really like OkCupid. Old school OkC reminded me of Bantr from Ted Lasso, it was more personality-driven. You'd answer hundreds of questions and see compatibility scores with people nearby. Even though that might be a questionable metric (I actually enjoy dating people different from me), it was interesting to sort by inverse and see who I was supposedly incompatible with.

What I love most about meeting through apps is how low-pressure it feels. There's no second-guessing about whether they're interested, if they're single, or worrying that you're bothering them. A dating app that actually tries to help people connect instead of sucking us dry through backtrack fees would be amazing.

I have no knowledge of the non-profit space, how would you initially fund something like that?

Re: Matched and Deleted

#36

Post by parsimo2010 »

ozzyphantom wrote: post #18

After finding my partner on Hinge (following years of dating apps, setups, and in-person approaches), I've reflected on this journey. Despite the countless disappointing dates, the 3-year struggle ultimately proved worthwhile. However, I'm troubled by how profit motives distort online dating. The business model incentivizes engagement over meaningful connections, creating a system where genuine relationships feel lik…

A non-profit dating platform probably means you don’t charge much- which initially seems good, but it probably also means you’ll attract a bunch of users who aren’t serious because they have nothing at risk. So the people who are seriously looking for a relationship will be lost in all the casual users. Sure, you could make people deposit a bunch of money to prove they’re serious but you’ll lose all your users.

If you can figure out how to select people seriously looking for a relationship without becoming a pay to play app then it would be popular. But so far nobody knows how to do that. Or maybe someone does know but they won’t do it because there’s no profit in it.

Re: Matched and Deleted

#37

Post by fwip »

bossyTeacher wrote: post #33
mettamage wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Respectfully, I don’t want to talk about the topic of my cleft lip. It hurts to talk about it. It’s hard enough bringing it up. I bring it up to give evidence to the fact that I am not a stereotypical good looking guy. Because I am not.

I feel we are bad at assessing our own attractiveness (unless you are exceptionally top-model like attractive). Most people who find you attractive will never tell you. This is particularly true for men as women are socialised to not be that overt about their romantic interests.

An additional truth is that straight women tend to be much less picky about physical appearance than straight men. Despite what many single men will tell you, their difficulty in finding a partner often has much more to do with their personality than their appearance.

Re: Matched and Deleted

#38

Post by enduser »

parsimo2010 wrote: post #36
ozzyphantom wrote: post #18

After finding my partner on Hinge (following years of dating apps, setups, and in-person approaches), I've reflected on this journey. Despite the countless disappointing dates, the 3-year struggle ultimately proved worthwhile. However, I'm troubled by how profit motives distort online dating. The business model incentivizes engagement over meaningful connections, creating a system where genuine relationships feel lik…

A non-profit dating platform probably means you don’t charge much- which initially seems good, but it probably also means you’ll attract a bunch of users who aren’t serious because they have nothing at risk. So the people who are seriously looking for a relationship will be lost in all the casual users. Sure, you could make people deposit a bunch of money to prove they’re serious but you’ll lose all your users. If yo…

Also likely is attracting a lot of bots and scammers and not having the resources to keep the platform focused on real people.

Re: Matched and Deleted

#39

Post by loriverkutya »

mettamage wrote: post #6

> The stats are bleak. Industry-wide, only about 10% of users find a long-term partner. Hinge? Roughly 5%. That’s worse than your odds at a Vegas table (a good 35%-50%). But still, people flock to it. Why? I know I fall into a unique-ish category, but let me tell why about 1% of men flock to it. Because they have the skill in dating but online is easiest. Before online dating my potential to match with an attractive…

Not sure from what time is your experience is from, if it’s pre Covid, I would say it’s outdated. Dating apps in the last few years turned into hyper optimised tunnels to get money out of their users while keeping them in the app with algorithms surgically portioning interactions aimed to keep their users swiping.

Re: Matched and Deleted

#40

Post by golly_ned »

parsimo2010 wrote: post #36
ozzyphantom wrote: post #18

After finding my partner on Hinge (following years of dating apps, setups, and in-person approaches), I've reflected on this journey. Despite the countless disappointing dates, the 3-year struggle ultimately proved worthwhile. However, I'm troubled by how profit motives distort online dating. The business model incentivizes engagement over meaningful connections, creating a system where genuine relationships feel lik…

A non-profit dating platform probably means you don’t charge much- which initially seems good, but it probably also means you’ll attract a bunch of users who aren’t serious because they have nothing at risk. So the people who are seriously looking for a relationship will be lost in all the casual users. Sure, you could make people deposit a bunch of money to prove they’re serious but you’ll lose all your users. If yo…

Isn’t it the usual case that dating app users do not pay?
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