SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting • Hacker News Board

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#31

Post by te_chris » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 1:00 AM UTC

orangecat wrote: post #27

mhd wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Basic social science articles always read like they're written by Captain Obvious. "1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself. 2. Don’t flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest." But on the other hand, there's really no easy way out (writing about it, I mean). I've yet to find a more "practical" approach that doesn't read like either semi-useless a…

or just oozes sleaze ("pickup artists", ESR etc.) They may be sleazy, but they're basically right.

[citation please] care to back that up?

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#32

Post by wallflower » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 1:11 AM UTC

danso wrote: post #12

This all may be eye-rolling advice but some of it is still worth jogging the subconscious about: > When asked about flirting, most people – particularly men – focus on the verbal element: the ‘chatting-up’, the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non- verbal element – body-language, tone of voice, etc. – is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation…

> their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language

My female friends tell me that if a guy comes up to talk to them - your body language gives away that you're interested whether you know it or not. You don't have to say it. In fact, it can be awkward if you do say it right away without justifying it (e.g. 'you are hot' v. 'i like your aloofness').

Even the nerdiest person has thousands of years of built-in intuition that trumps all conscious analysis.

The hardest step, for me, is just putting yourself out there.

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#33

Post by rcthompson » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 1:19 AM UTC

Well, at least this brings me from "I don't understand anything about flirting" to "Here's a list of everything I don't understand about flirting."

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#34

Post by toddmorey » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 1:40 AM UTC

seats wrote: post #9

"When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established at least an indication of mutual interest through eye contact, try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away, before moving any closer. At 4 ft (about two small steps away), you are on the borderline between what are known as the ‘social zone’ (4 to 12 ft) and the ‘personal zone’ (18in to 4ft). If you receive a positive response at 4ft, move in to…

That's genius. It's such a better read when you add the tone and gusto of that narrator.

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#35

Post by bobwaycott » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 2:05 AM UTC

mhd wrote: post #11

planetguy wrote: post #7

Hacker News: where we discuss advanced programming and elementary social skills. I wonder if there's somewhere out there where it's the reverse.

Advanced social skills and elementary programming? The "Countess Lovelace School of Young Ladies", where you learn proper ballroom etiquette and the language of the fan, plus a bit of SQL to work with your wardrobe database? (Solving the "I've got nothing to wear" problem with a few self joins)

This made me laugh aloud. Nicely done.

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#36

Post by navytank » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 2:06 AM UTC

saintdev wrote: post #28

elemeno wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No problems for me on 19.0.1084.56 on OS X

Hmm, maybe it's something to do with the font rendering. It's fine on my desktop, but not my laptop.

I've run into this multiple times on Ubuntu---have you installed the "msttcorefonts" package?

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#37

Post by capsule_toy » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 2:09 AM UTC

MichailP wrote: post #24

cdcarter wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And flirting is very much a like-dislike situation.

That was also my theory, but it results in a cruel zero or one binary world. Here is a more friendly one. Imagine a probability distribution (lets say a Gaussian :))over all possible partners. Now, there is a small number of people that really, really like you (they are at the right end of the Gaussian). Also there is a small number of people that you will never have, no matter how hard you try (left end). Now, for a…

You can also do things to increase your variance (e.g. tattoos).

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#38

Post by mustardhamsters » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 2:10 AM UTC

MichailP wrote: post #24

cdcarter wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And flirting is very much a like-dislike situation.

That was also my theory, but it results in a cruel zero or one binary world. Here is a more friendly one. Imagine a probability distribution (lets say a Gaussian :))over all possible partners. Now, there is a small number of people that really, really like you (they are at the right end of the Gaussian). Also there is a small number of people that you will never have, no matter how hard you try (left end). Now, for a…

:) right back at you, big boy. ;)

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#39

Post by [deleted] » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 2:14 AM UTC

olliesaunders wrote: post #25

planetguy wrote: post #7

Hacker News: where we discuss advanced programming and elementary social skills. I wonder if there's somewhere out there where it's the reverse.

Isn’t the main reason we are bad at these things because we don’t really care for them. I’m not suggesting we are asexual but that we don’t hold flirting etc. in very high regard.

[deleted]

Re: SIRC Guide to Flirting: what social science tells you about flirting

#40

Post by mhd » Sun, Jun 17, 2012, 2:29 AM UTC

orangecat wrote: post #27

mhd wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Basic social science articles always read like they're written by Captain Obvious. "1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself. 2. Don’t flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest." But on the other hand, there's really no easy way out (writing about it, I mean). I've yet to find a more "practical" approach that doesn't read like either semi-useless a…

or just oozes sleaze ("pickup artists", ESR etc.) They may be sleazy, but they're basically right.

Even if their statistical shenanigans would be scientifically "accurate" (which I still doubt), by no means would I, morally and ethically, consider them "right".

I'm the stereotypical reclusive, clinically shy geek, but I've gotten past puberty, and stopped considering penetration to be the "end game". Note that those douchebags seem to be exclusively care about that, there's no "relationship artist" trade that I'm aware of.