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The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
31–40 of 53 posts
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#32> “I love talking about her, by the way, so if I cry, it’s only a beautiful thing,” Garfield explained. “This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, no matter if someone lives till 60, 15, or 99.”
“So I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her,” he added. “And I told her every day. We all told her every day. She was the best of us.”
- Andrew Garfield about loss of his mother
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#33I found The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor really helpful. It gave me a frame for why grief is a necessary part of our brain processing the loss. It made it much easier to move through the pain.
What's the key insight?
you have to actually remap your world to one where this person doesn't exist--that's a difficult neuro process and grief is part of it
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#34I’ve been lost to grief for the last several months - when I realised, finally, irrevocably, that my wife was never going to recover from the mental straitjacket she is now in. That the woman I married fifteen years ago no longer exists. Backstory: She went to hospital one day in March last year, she had hyponatremia (low sodium) and they gave her saline solution roughly twice as fast as recommended - they wanted to…
Maybe you can try alternative medicine like ayurveda. Recently I heard an amazing podcast [0] with Dr. Rakesh in which he talked about regenerating neurons etc with Ayurveda. His contact details are in the video description. 0: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c3UB-HlA7o
To add on, cerebrolysin and methylene blue are sometimes helpful with brain function (the former specifically after TBIs). Various nootropic forums (I'm aware of reddit's ones) may be able to offer more possible solutions. And of course speak with your doctor first before starting anything new.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#35I wonder if the reason why some people surround themselves with awful, selfish people is because it makes it easier to grieve them once they leave or pass away. They'll say all nice things at the funeral but actually it takes no effort to hold back tears. Many people will have the opposite problem; they want to show tears for virtue-signalling purposes but find that they can't.
I think it's the opposite. The thought of losing even a shitty relationship is difficult to contemplate. You get caught in a trap that's difficult to escape.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#36"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
I appreciate this quote, but after looking into it, I must offer some correction regarding attribution.
Félix Revello de Toro is a Spanish artist born in 1926. He specializes in portraits of women, including a 1965 one depicting a woman curled up on a chair with her head tilted down so as to permit her long black hair to hang down and obscure her face.
Jamie Anderson is the author of the blog "All My Loose Ends". The quote in question is an amalgamation of excerpts from a 2014 blog entry about loss:
https://web.archive.org/web/20200720034003/http://allmyloose...
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#37Earlier quoted context omitted.
"It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable." -- Nick Cave, https://www.theredhandfiles.com/communication-dream-feeling/
Never seen this before, as a person who has grieved considerably but won't/doesn't read grief literature. I came to the conclusion years ago that grief is just unexpressed, unshareable, uncommunicable, thwarted love. It's all the love I cannot give, all the words and touches and moments that fail to alight on the one I love but instead, missing its intended, affix me to the void. So not merely entwined, I think grief…
From experience I found the feeling of being in love without being loved back, is very close to the feeling of grief for a passed away loved one.
So in summary, both are an excess of love not finding its goal.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#38I’ve been lost to grief for the last several months - when I realised, finally, irrevocably, that my wife was never going to recover from the mental straitjacket she is now in. That the woman I married fifteen years ago no longer exists. Backstory: She went to hospital one day in March last year, she had hyponatremia (low sodium) and they gave her saline solution roughly twice as fast as recommended - they wanted to…
That's a tough situation. If you can make room in your life, get a dog. They are emotionally infectious animals, and generally seem to have an endorphin firehose soaking their brains most of the time. Taking care of a dog, walking it (exercise is really important) and generally interacting with it can help amelerioate your grief. Your son might respond well to it also. Kind of sounds stupid (I'm not a dog person) but…
Thank you - we do have a dog, a 5 year old bundle of pure happiness from Newfoundland. As I type, she's snoring away on my bed to the left of me. I find the time I take to walk her every day precious, because I don't have to wear any mask, it's just me. It's hard to describe the freedom that brings, even if temporary.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#39I’ve been lost to grief for the last several months - when I realised, finally, irrevocably, that my wife was never going to recover from the mental straitjacket she is now in. That the woman I married fifteen years ago no longer exists. Backstory: She went to hospital one day in March last year, she had hyponatremia (low sodium) and they gave her saline solution roughly twice as fast as recommended - they wanted to…
I am extremely sorry you’re dealing with this. I know you’re not after any advice and I don’t want to get your hopes up in any way. But I do hear about brain damage due to hyponatremia & subsequent improper sodium infusions somewhat frequently as I’m part of a diabetes insipidus medical group & this is a potential reality everybody taking Desmopressin faces. I have seen a decent amount of anecdotal reporting of peopl…
Thank you. At the moment I'm clutching at any straw I can find. I'll take some solace that it might turn out better, and I'll watch for it, but I'm not in any position to pin hopes as yet - that way would lie disaster, I think.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#40I’ve been lost to grief for the last several months - when I realised, finally, irrevocably, that my wife was never going to recover from the mental straitjacket she is now in. That the woman I married fifteen years ago no longer exists. Backstory: She went to hospital one day in March last year, she had hyponatremia (low sodium) and they gave her saline solution roughly twice as fast as recommended - they wanted to…
Maybe you can try alternative medicine like ayurveda. Recently I heard an amazing podcast [0] with Dr. Rakesh in which he talked about regenerating neurons etc with Ayurveda. His contact details are in the video description. 0: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c3UB-HlA7o
I can talk with her psychiatrist, but she is on a strict regimen of drugs in the facility - and in my experience doctors are reticent to accept medical info from laymen (reasonably so, under most circumstances).
Nonetheless, thank you, I will watch the video and maybe ask the doctor what she thinks.