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Hunting Down My Son's Killer

matt.might.net

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Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#31

Post by maratd »

altrego99 wrote: post #20
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

Sorry, not worth it at all. Years 1-10 - you will loose all your time - cleaning diapers, making the child eat, making it study, teaching it values - waking up at night - and doing a lot of things for it. Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up and you're genetically conditioned to like it. But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting in…

You either don't have kids or you're a psychopath. I'm leaning toward the former. Don't presume in your arrogance that you know quite a bit about something you have zero experience with.

All your accomplishments are pointless without your child next to you.

> Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up

It? Nice.

> But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting interruptions.

Sophistry. You don't even understand why you do all of those things. You simply enjoy them and that's an end in itself.

No, you're not some amazing savant that has popped up out of the mass of mediocrity that is humanity.

You enjoy all of those things to gain the capacity to enrich the life of your child. No child? All the stuff you enjoy loses its meaning.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#32

Post by [deleted] »

edwinnathaniel wrote: post #17
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

This important lesson can only be detected by parents. People with no children won't ever understand this no matter how hard they try/re-read the articles many times. Once the infant is out of the womb, everything change instantly without any interference by anyone, anybody, or anything else. The child will change your brain, your mind, your heart, your lifestyle, and your future at that moment of birth. The child IS…

[deleted]

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#33

Post by alain94040 »

altrego99 wrote: post #20
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

Sorry, not worth it at all. Years 1-10 - you will loose all your time - cleaning diapers, making the child eat, making it study, teaching it values - waking up at night - and doing a lot of things for it. Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up and you're genetically conditioned to like it. But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting in…

Ha. Can't wait for your [future] kids to discover your post on HN, 15 years from now, and give you a hard time about it.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#34

Post by Dn_Ab »

hirenj wrote: post #19

First thoughts reading up on this pretty cool bit of detective work: Since this is a deficiency in production of Pngase F, I'm not sure a simple injection of Pngase F is going to work. I'd guess you'd need to target Pngase F into the ER to kick start the proper clean-up process, and the human form ( http://www.uniprot.org/uniprot/Q96IV0 ) is different to the recombinant form that you can get synthesised ( http://www.…

In what way is experimental analysis of such mutations a bottleneck?

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#35

Post by simonh »

tomjen3 wrote: post #21
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

It is only 'worth it' because your genes needs you to protect the next generation. Rationally there is no point in having children at all. And speaking statistically, research shows that parents are no more happy than are those who are not parents.

So what you're saying is you were a complete waste of time and your parents would have been better off without you?

Seriously - I'm not trolling or trying to be abusive. It seems to me that's literally what you're saying.

Life isn't rational. Pleasure isn't rational. In the grand scheme of things, no achievements are significant or meaningful. But that's no way to live a life, IMHO. I know I'm far happier with my children than at any other time in my life, and I only had them when I was in my mid 30s, so I have plenty of perspective on life with them and without.

Yes it was hard work, but so are most things worth doing in this world. I may not really believe that which does not kill you makes you stronger, but I some of the hardest things I've done in life (armed service, relationships, children) have enriched me the most as a person.

I can't say the same is true for everyone. We all have different hopes and needs, desires and goals. I'm happy with mine, and sincerely hope yours work out as well for you.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#36

Post by paulhauggis »

mcmatterson wrote: post #29
altrego99 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, not worth it at all. Years 1-10 - you will loose all your time - cleaning diapers, making the child eat, making it study, teaching it values - waking up at night - and doing a lot of things for it. Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up and you're genetically conditioned to like it. But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting in…

Balls to this. As your sibling commenter says, you simply don't get to pass judgement on this if you haven't had a child of your own. Sure, we're programmed to behave with an otherwise inexcusable amount of irrationality with our kids, but that's not by accident. If anything, it demonstrates the level of evolutionary importance in keeping our offspring healthy and ensuring their success: it's such an important direct…

"As your sibling commenter says, you simply don't get to pass judgement on this if you haven't had a child of your own."

You aren't gay, so you can't pass judgement on gay rights.

You don't smoke weed, so you have no say in the laws

The thing is. You can still have an opinion (and pass judgement)..even if you haven't experienced it yourself.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#37

Post by [deleted] »

mgoulart wrote: post #23
altrego99 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, not worth it at all. Years 1-10 - you will loose all your time - cleaning diapers, making the child eat, making it study, teaching it values - waking up at night - and doing a lot of things for it. Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up and you're genetically conditioned to like it. But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting in…

Is that what your parents told you ? :)

[deleted]

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#38

Post by waffle_ss »

Thanks so much for the fascinating and emotionally stirring article. I will definitely be passing this on to others I know.

The thing I kept thinking during the article is, "Is there something that I, as a programmer, can do to help people like Bertrand?"

Is there some way that we programmers could use our talent to augment or advance existing technology in this area? I realize that the science involved here is non-trivial, but it seems like a really fascinating subject area to get involved in. Perhaps I just need to bear down and brush up on my biology.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#39

Post by aidenn0 »

jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

As a father of 3, I think the question of "is it worth it" is not as cut-and-dry as you suggest.

As I am an extreme introvert, in the near-term, having kids definitely makes me less happy in many measurable ways.

That being said, taking care of children is something I have always been drawn to, and is the way I have chosen to leave my mark on the world, as it were.

We fostered our first two kids for 18 months before we were offered the opportunity to adopt them, so I was in the situation of being able to choose to go back to having no kids in a socially acceptable manner, which is not an opportunity most people get.

I'm going to make the obvious comparison here to starting a company (which I haven't done but am inferring from the numerous articles I've read on it). It's not for everyone, it's a lot of work, and at times you will think you were crazy for ever attempting it. However, for a certain type of person, it's extremely rewarding.

Just like not everyone would be happier if they quit their job and started a company, not everyone would be happier if they became a parent, but if it's something you are drawn to, then by all means, do it!

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#40

Post by cturner »

tomjen3 wrote: post #21
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

It is only 'worth it' because your genes needs you to protect the next generation. Rationally there is no point in having children at all. And speaking statistically, research shows that parents are no more happy than are those who are not parents.

Rationally there's no point in living at all.

I've found it's a good idea to avoid thinking too hard at the level you're taking.

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