Being Shy Is Just a Bad Habit, and You Can Break It With Regular Practice

Saying "shyness is ultimately a symptom of you being uncomfortable with who you are" in the first sentence of the article does not sound like "it's OK; no one wants you to change :)" to me. That is the problem with the article, it presumes that there is something wrong with shy people. It could instead presume that there is something wrong with outgoing people, or that they are simply two equally reasonable ways of being, but it doesn't.

It's too bad that it bugs you - your way of being makes sense to me, you open up with those who have put in the time to deserve your openness and don't with those who haven't. Contrary to popular American male belief, pretty much everything in life is more important than being able to go to a bar and talk to a woman you don't know.

Response to Kodess's comment on the site, being approved:

Agreed, being scared of a situation isn't necessarily habit, but it's definitely not good, and as you mentioned, can even cause you to become suicidal. Put into that perspective, it seems it would definitely be beneficial to not be shy if you had the choice - and that's what the author here is trying to get at. I was suicidal and shy all throughout school, until sophomore year of high school. That's when I became so fed up with my piece of shit life that I gave myself an ultimatum to change it. Started throwing myself into social situations (for me, it was primarily my utter inability to be attractive to girls that was making me suicidal - I couldn't even start to speak to a girl - any girl), and bit by bit, sophomore year entirely changed the trajectory of my life.

In retrospect, I was enormously awkward in all my first attempts to break my shyness, and it was entirely fueled by feelings of inadequacy and coming to identify with my current state - seeing it as an inherent part of me. I was born shy, this is the way I'm am, I can't change it, it's impossible, this is just who I am and it sucks shit and I'll kill myself eventually. Utterly defeatist talk. If you think that way, if you never even make the concerted attempt (do it for 3 months, at least, concerted full force and then you can say you've made the attempt and it failed miserably), then of course you're never going to change and it might as well not be a choice, even though it truly is.It's tough as shit, but you can get over it. And over time, what the author means is that it becomes more than habit - it becomes so deeply ingrained into your own perception of yourself that you can't escape it. At some point, you don't even try, and you condemn yourself to a pointless life of suffering and missed potential. Don't let it happen.

Anyway, to finish up my personal story - I've fairly completely lost all my shyness, though there are still times where I can't think of anything to say and am entirely out of my element at a social gathering. I'm just now realizing that I'm almost certainly a massive introvert, but as has been said already here, introversion isn't the same thing as shyness. Those who are shy will very likely tend towards introversion and those who are introverted may quite likely become shy as a lack of exposure to social situations, but learning how to cope with social situations and not be afraid is simply a result of experience, practice, and exposure. Do it enough and you'll realize there's nothing to be afraid of.

As a result of my first forays with girls in sophomore year, I realized I could change almost anything about myself that up to that point I had assumed were inherent failings in my being - I started taking the hardest classes in school, joined cross country (had never been athletic before), hell, even joined Speech and Debate Team and started my own microfinance organization...went on to fairly unequivocally become the highest achiever in my school, first person in its history to attend Harvard, now on leave to build a startup, traveled to all 7 continents last year largely on my own, etc. etc. No longer suicidal at all. Needless to say, my life was entirely transformed by that one simple decision I made in the summer before sophomore year of high school - to be fed up with the subpar person I was being, to refuse to accept my shyness, and to do something about it. Small changes can take you a far way.

Tangential, but pertinent in attitude: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=q...

Best of luck!

I think I finally realized why Internet flamewars are as a rule comprised of insults and poor spelling and grammar:

Passive aggressive, thinly polite, well written (In a grammatical and syntactic sense.) posts on the same flame-inducing subjects are actually more painful to read.

I think the important distinction should be between "traits that have nothing to do with the job". and those that do. Race, gender, sexual orientation, spiritual creed etc almost always have nothing to do with your job (examples such as a priest naturally exist).

Shyness or introversion pretty much also fall into this category, though with a bigger grey area. So no, I don't think shyness should be a protected trait by itself, but the category it mostly falls into should be.

How did you overcome it?