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Get Offended More (2020)

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Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#31

Post by trey-jones »

conductr wrote: post #30

I get what the author is trying to convey but for me, I find avoiding sources of offense leads to a happier life. Primarily, this means low social media consumption. I spend about 15 minutes a week catching up with the happenings of my family and a few actual friends. I try to ignore the rest, but even when I see something I disagree with or take offense to, I just don’t engage. I also try to mirror this in meatspace…

I feel like I could have written this exact comment. Most arguments just aren't worth it. You have to know that the other person has this same approach (willingness to see another point of view, plus manners) or else it's just not worth it. Pretty often I'll offer a "disagreement" and if I'm not satisfied that my debating partner is listening, that's it, I'm out.

For the article, I'm ok with the message, but the title is just clickbait. You don't need to get offended more, you just need to be aware of when you are and try to figure out why.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#32

Post by skrebbel »

stiiv wrote: post #20
skrebbel wrote: post #18

Am I misreading something or is this just a way to stay stuck in perpetual internet flamewars? If anything I feel that the stereotypical “terminally online” person might try to get offended a bit less . (That person used to be me, I’m not pointing at some outgroup)

I thought so at first, but no, that's not what the author is after. The article is about _recognizing the experience of being offended_. Near the end, the author says what to do with that recognition: > By getting offended more, you actually get to figure out who you are and what you care about. You react less, respond more. You develop real compassion. You practice alchemy upon yourself. I think that "reacting less"…

Right, thanks! In my native language “to react” and “to respond” are the same word so that part had gone way over my head.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#33

Post by yterdy »

harimau777 wrote: post #25

I agree with the premise of this article; that discussion would be improved if we were more explicit about when we disagree and when we are offended. However, it seems to me that conflating disagreement and offense, and in particular using that to shut down discussion, is a symptom not a root cause. I believe that the root cause is that one half of the current culture war has refused to recognize the validity of offe…

Wrt "other sides" and the mechanics of engaging therewith: I have to accept that the person on the other side of the conversation feels that I'm an animal of lower fundamental intelligence and agency, deserving not of dignity, but confinement, if not slaughter. The conversation can't continue unless I accept this on its face and try, still, to reach common ground. I'm sure you can understand that this is not a trivial ask. And while I don't think the same of him, a commensurate concession of ego would go a long way toward creating in him the mindset of mutual solution-making rather than final solution-imposing.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#34

Post by _fat_santa »

conductr wrote: post #30

I get what the author is trying to convey but for me, I find avoiding sources of offense leads to a happier life. Primarily, this means low social media consumption. I spend about 15 minutes a week catching up with the happenings of my family and a few actual friends. I try to ignore the rest, but even when I see something I disagree with or take offense to, I just don’t engage. I also try to mirror this in meatspace…

> I find avoiding sources of offense leads to a happier life.

I was talking politics with my girlfriend last night and I made pretty much the same point, though more pointed at politics. My argument is that really the most important things in one's life is family, friends and your local community, everything else (such as national politics) might as well be a game show called "news" that everyone tunes into every day.

If you decide to tune into that game show every day, make sure you keep it at "arms length", getting too close will make you go crazy.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#35

Post by civilized »

The substantial point here is good, but I think it's poorly articulated and needs an overhaul.

> To disagree is to provide an observation that counters a specific claim.

> To get offended is to have a strong aversion to something.

Neither of these are true. Someone may use these words this way, but it simply isn't how we collectively normally use these words.

If you want to express a concept as a contrast, don't do so by twisting the meanings of existing words. It won't stick because it doesn't integrate with the rest of our language.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#36

Post by titzer »

An unstated premise of this article is that most people are self-reflective and introspective. Most people aren't. Being offended is exactly the emotional response we need less of, no matter whether that is coupled with some supposedly helpful self-reflection that should follow.

I will posit we need less of any kind activity or thought that puts ourselves--thoughts, feelings, proclivities, reactions--at the center. You just aren't that important. Stop focusing on yourself and just follow facts. Listen to other people. Not "active listening" or trying to find a way in to insert your own thoughts, conclusions or bright ideas. Just bloody listen and follow facts and stop thinking your opinions amount to more than a hill of beans. You aren't that dang important and your ego is wily, desperately maneuvering to put it at the center of your thoughts. Offense is just one of its tactics.

Stop being offended that the sky is blue, stars burn hydrogen and termites eat your walls.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#37

Post by bmelton »

fefe23 wrote: post #23

The title is misleading. He really advocates for leaving your comfort zone. That said, I would really love it if everybody could calm down and stop getting offended so much. Realize that from the perspective of the other person, YOU are the one spewing obvious falsehoods and uttering offensive things. Everybody is the hero in their story. Yes, some trolls are out to cause offense. You know what empowers and enables t…

I feel like the only way to show how strenuously I object to this article within the context of this article is to say how much it offends me, but that would be ceding terms to the article, and wildly untrue

I believe that taking offense is a choice, and one that we make far too often, and one that makes it easier to continue making the more one makes it. Decisions made of emotion are not decisions made, and "being offended" seems to me to inject emotion into an issue. That may or may not be okay, but it imo doesn't benefit analysis or discussion in a rational context.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#38

Post by gardenhedge »

stonewhite wrote: post #15

My motto is "Follow the Dread". If I dread public speaking I should do it, if I dread setting up IPsec VPNs I should do more of it, if I dread working with money and run a business as opposed to working solely as a technical person I should do it, so on and so forth. "The Dread" is a good north star for discovering what to improve next, since most Dreads are somewhat common/shared among peers, communities and colleag…

That would/could lead to a poor life experience. Play to your strengths is my motto.

Re: Get Offended More (2020)

#39

Post by slfnflctd »

DiscourseFan wrote: post #4

I really don't get offended by anything anymore. I can get quite passionate in my discussions, but I don't take anything personally, and always welcome the opportunity for criticism. Though it is usually the ones who take offence who are the least able to criticize me.

One of the things I still have trouble not taking personally are insults. They're easier to take from kids, but from a grown adult who I consider a peer in at least some areas it's hard to brush off. [Funny enough, I have an easier time with it in person than with text.]

If you view someone insulting you as a child, it softens the impact. My main question here, though, is when do you stop doing that (if ever)?

If an adult is knowingly insulting me in front of peers/family and not fully joking, I can't imagine not taking that personally.

Whatever you do, including taking no action at all, is sending a message to your peers/family which they'll receive in varying ways. However much you care about them having an accurate perception of you, it's probably not zero for every last one-- so choosing a course of action and being able to explain it is not optional at that point. It is a personal problem that has been inflicted upon you.

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