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Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

openheartproject.com

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Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#31

Post by ChrisMarshallNY »

2-718-281-828 wrote: post #28

> I will rise at 5. Meditate, 530-630. Journal 630-730. Breakfast 8-9, that is very ambitious if not pathologically ambitious. > Yesterday, I finally realized ... But I suggest ... s/he has been failing up until the previous day and is already giving public advice about how to do it better? that's not just questionable, it also shows a lack of self-reflection and unhealthy levels of impulsiveness. if that text wasn't…

> s/he

It's a "she": https://openheartproject.com/about/

> has been failing

Not so sure about that. Read the page at the link (It's the "About" page on the site).

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#32

Post by madaxe_again »

dorkwood wrote: post #2

> Yesterday, I finally realized that this method would never, ever work. I was shocked. But it never, ever has. I’ve been after myself on this score for, what, like ten years? Had it ever worked once in that time, I asked myself. No! I had a similar realisation a few years ago. I used to try to come up with side project ideas by sitting down with a piece of paper and writing down every idea I could think of. Then, I’…

I spent much of my life doggedly clinging to the idea that if I managed to beat myself hard enough, morale would improve.

It worked, insofar as it kept me going for years, and years, and took me places - but by the end I was a husk. This path leads to burnout.

Post-burnout, the floggings continued until I finally got it through my thick skull that I was inflicting harm on those around me, as watching someone you love castigate themselves incessantly is apparently not easy.

I’ve finally just about stopped, after a few years of therapy and a lot of time in nature. Turns out that the motivation I had as a small kid, before I was taught to be cruel to myself at age seven, was still there, but had been overlain with a system of brutality that was necessary for my survival in the boarding school environment.

I once again find myself doing things with passion and joy, rather than drudgingly hauling my sorry ass through the thorns.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#33

Post by wkjagt »

There's only one of these Good Things I regret never having succeeded at starting, and that's journaling. As I'm getting older, I realize there are more and more years during which I've been alive and it's getting harder to look back at them and make sense of them, or remember when a particular thing happened. I'm 45 now, which really isn't that old, but also not that young anymore. When I was younger, say 25, I had 5 years of (somewhat) adult life behind me, and they formed a relatively coherent and linear story. I now look back at 25 years of being an adult, and that story is now five times as long, way less coherent, and no longer linear, so remembering it all is becoming almost impossible. But the longer I live, the more often I find myself wanting to remember when a certain thing happened, or what my state of mind was at a certain point. I also have a wife and have three kids, so those add more stories to remember (or more characters in my own story).

I've been thinking of catching up. To start an Excel sheet, with years in the left column, and then start filling in events that I can remember or verify with certainty (marriage, births of kids, buying the house, jobs, projects, travels). Hopefully this would trigger more and more memories that I can then fit into that context, until I get to a somewhat complete and coherent story of what's been going on until now.

I think this might also make starting journaling easier because I would be continuing a story, instead of starting to write one at a random point in time.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#34

Post by bsenftner »

People need to read about Cognitive Distortions: that's the fancy pants term for "playing yourself", which is maintaining a negative or otherwise deceptive self conversation about what you are doing, thinking, and behaving. If you're self conversation is not honest, you're capable of literally anything, because your self deception is the vector you can be emotionally manipulated by irrational desires, the hypocritical values you may have been raised, or bad actors seeking to exploit others.

All this can be avoided by seeking to audit one's own self conversation. If this sounds reasonable to you, I suggest you do a web search or ask ChatGPT about Dr. David Burns, the School Of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the checklist of common Cognitive Distortions (common self lies). In little more than a half hour of research you can begin your own self honesty revolution. It is HUGE and it is PERSONAL REVOLUTION that will remake you entirely as a significantly more rational, adept and capable individual.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#36

Post by kirso »

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #20
jcadam wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to spend a lot of my spare time on side projects, thinking I'd hit on something successful eventually. Now, I'm in my 40s and I'm like "Done with work; I think I'll go for a walk and then take a nap."

>Now, I'm in my 40s and I'm like "Done with work; I think I'll go for a walk and then take a nap." I'm in my early thirties and never had any side projects. After busting my ass coding like hell for 6 years in university and after 8 hours of coding at work per day, I was always seeking to do non-coding activities in my free time: trying out new hobbies, going for a walk, having drinks with friends and going dancing,…

I think this is awesome. Side projects can be woodworking or selling fish after you caught it. Screw the current youtube side hustle conventions, do what feels right.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#37

Post by vb234 »

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #20
jcadam wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to spend a lot of my spare time on side projects, thinking I'd hit on something successful eventually. Now, I'm in my 40s and I'm like "Done with work; I think I'll go for a walk and then take a nap."

>Now, I'm in my 40s and I'm like "Done with work; I think I'll go for a walk and then take a nap." I'm in my early thirties and never had any side projects. After busting my ass coding like hell for 6 years in university and after 8 hours of coding at work per day, I was always seeking to do non-coding activities in my free time: trying out new hobbies, going for a walk, having drinks with friends and going dancing,…

Do you have a list of companies where employees code for a paycheck? Is it broadly, any company where technology is the main driver of revenue. I imagine coding for lifestyle values penetrate in these companies too.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#38

Post by Wronnay »

wkjagt wrote: post #33

There's only one of these Good Things I regret never having succeeded at starting, and that's journaling. As I'm getting older, I realize there are more and more years during which I've been alive and it's getting harder to look back at them and make sense of them, or remember when a particular thing happened. I'm 45 now, which really isn't that old, but also not that young anymore. When I was younger, say 25, I had…

That's one of the reasons why I started journaling back in 2018. I started trading with stocks in 2014, made some good gains but forgot how or why I initially invested in a specific stock.

I mostly started journaling to analyse my own thought process in a later stage. I am now 27, started my own company last year and hope that my desendends one day can use my journal to see what things worked and which didn't - that way they may have it easier in their own life as they will know what to avoid and what can lead to success.

I see it as a way to accelerate the trial-and-error process and this thought that it can be helpful for future generations of my family is something which motivates me more than anything else.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#39

Post by cseleborg »

2-718-281-828 wrote: post #28

> I will rise at 5. Meditate, 530-630. Journal 630-730. Breakfast 8-9, that is very ambitious if not pathologically ambitious. > Yesterday, I finally realized ... But I suggest ... s/he has been failing up until the previous day and is already giving public advice about how to do it better? that's not just questionable, it also shows a lack of self-reflection and unhealthy levels of impulsiveness. if that text wasn't…

> s/he has been failing up until the previous day and is already giving public advice about how to do it better?

This was my thought exactly. The internet is full of articles along those lines: I've been doing this new routine for 2 days, here are 8 pieces of advice for you.

I recognize the enthusiasm for sharing new discoveries, and it can be inspiring, I just wish those who did would be generally less prescriptive about it.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#40

Post by civilized »

I have taken what feels like a strange path to more consistent productivity. Over the years, I have slowly lost interest in all my once-favored distractions. Video games went first; reading the news took much longer. Now, I keep at my goals because I no longer have any distractions that can hold my interest.
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