Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's the opposite for me personally. While I still wouldn't say I believe in a tangible god or higher power in any meaningful way, I have come to grow more of an interest and appreciation for religion, specifically christianity, as I've gotten older. I'll never be a bible freak but I would like to, one day, be able to say I honestly believe in (a) god. I'm not sure what that means exactly, and it could be wrong, but…
You can become a Christian right now. 1. Admit you are a sinner, because all have sinned and come short of the glory of God - Romans 3:23, Romans 3:10-12, 1 John 1:10, James 2:10 2. Realize the penalty for sin, which is death, hell, and eternal separation from God - Revelation 21:8, Romans 6:23, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Corinthians 6:9, James 1:15 3. Believe that Jesus died, was buried, and rose again to pay for your sin…
You say this like step 3 is something you can choose to do. I couldn't make myself believe in the resurrection even if I wanted to, in the same way I can't make myself believe in any sort of afterlife, or believe that the sun won't rise tomorrow, or believe that I'm more handsome than Brad Pitt was in his prime.
I'm not ragging on you for your faith, but I've seen a few religious people suggest that belief is a choice and I don't see how belief possibly could be. I at times genuinely and deeply wish I could believe in the resurrection and in a compassionate god... hell right now I have a close family member whose health is degrading and is suffering in a way I feel is undignified and that they don't deserve. I wish so acutely that there was some sort of heaven and that they will be restored and I will be with them again. Even if there wasn't really a heaven I'd feel better right now believing that there was.... that's the rub though. These things are so fundamentally disconnected from my understanding of the world, I quite literally am incapable of believing in them.