31–40 of 47 posts
You personally need to gather good relationships. Psyhc, church, sports, friends, ect. Whichever works. Having good people around you can help give you perspective from other mothers, fathers, people who have lost family and more so you can share the mental weight and focus on what really needs attention. The old saying it takes a village to raise a child, is true but it's also good to keep people around you for your…
if you're grieving, grieve. if you see them grieving, give them time, listen to them, and do chores for them. that is enough. if however you can support financially for the fam, that is a bonus, but dont think they cant function without your support. they should be able to as you are all adults, except your gran lol. your sis go support her but always be there for her even when her plans dont work out. if it works ou…
The advice is am looking for is more to do with how do I deal being the only male, financial advice is also welcome ofc.
1. This is a weird place to post this, Reddit has several subs with a user base much better equipped to handle this. 2. You're having weird feelings because you're grieving. 3. You have a strange perception of the women in your family, as if they are helpless and need looking after. 3.1 That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, they will be okay, you are not expected to be a white knight riding in to fix everythin…
Anyways my dad died abt 6 yrs ago. At the time of his death our financial situation was already dire. We had sold our house for roughly 70,000$. 20,000$ was used to pay off loans that had accrued a lot of interest as my dad had lost his job and my mother had no source of income. My mother decided to put the remaining 50,000$ into a shady sacco that promised significant monthly returns. I was obviously skeptical and vehemently opposed this as it was a good chunk of our net worth. The sacco's leader stole all the money (no surprise). His religious fascade is what made people trust him the most including mom. I was 17 at the time.
Everything just started to fall apart. We got evicted 2 yrs later and moved in to a small 2 bedroom apartment (which we reside in to this day). My dad died of a suspected heart condition (similar to yours) but inherited some lands from my grandfather.
We managed to sell them over the yrs (for sustenance, rent, 2 siblings school fees and my college tuition) but we've finally exhausted any wealth we had. I still sleep on the couch or mattress (both equally uncomfortable) as the place isn't big enough for all of us. It's taken a toll on my back and neck. Am always sore even though am just 25!
I just graduated. I'm about to start earning some good money and also bootstrap my start up. I'll afford to have my own place and honestly feels unreal. I finally have a chance to be on my own, buy food when I'm hungry e.t.c.
My mom is still unemployed. My sister has recently started having psychiatric issues and struggling to find work (stress and suspected bipolar). My brother (15M) is very obstinate with regards to his academics despite my constant effort to explain our current financial situation.
I'm going to leave the moment I get my salary. I feel like a portal to freedom just spawned. Definitely will support my mom but not to the point I end up dirt broke again. I don't want the burden of responsibility if I'm being frank but also don't want to abandon anyone.
Life is about to change but isn't it always. I just wrote this to let you know you're not alone. I won't sacrifice myself and happiness but then again I don't expect you to ape me as I am not giving advice. Seeing someone going through a similar situation is oddly comforting.
I wish you all the best my internet friend
Earlier quoted context omitted.
That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much. I do not think my family are freeloaders. And I do not want it to get to that that my sister becomes one. Sh…
> That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much. In the richer European countries (and increasingly in large cities in poorer European countries) it's impo…
You personally need to gather good relationships. Psyhc, church, sports, friends, ect. Whichever works. Having good people around you can help give you perspective from other mothers, fathers, people who have lost family and more so you can share the mental weight and focus on what really needs attention. The old saying it takes a village to raise a child, is true but it's also good to keep people around you for your…
What is psych?
Chatting to friends who have had/raised teenagers before sometimes have good perspective about what your 16yr old sister is going through and if you need to do anything about it, or let it run it's course.
It helps you keep it together when you can run some ideas past people who have met your family members and know a little bit of the context, because they can relate better to your specific situation, maybe see a fresh direction for you as an option/suggestion and reduce the impact of things that appear to be a greater problem then they are, whenever that happens.
I don't know if I should type out literal examples, feels odd because I don't know how to relate to you without having met you irl, so my examples will probably be inaccurate.
Anyway what I mean is, you've got a lot relationships to manage by your own reckoning, so I suggest sharing the workload with good friends, social workers and community members who are in a good position to help. A stronger social network could lift enough weight that you can get on with your own dreams again... potentially.
Good luck!
Very sorry for your loss, this is hard to digest, and I can understand all manner of thoughts go through your head during such a trying time. You are together with your mum, sister, and grandmother, caring for _eachother_. They care for you, you care for them. Not to sound too harsh, but we're not in the 50s or 60s anymore. We know today women are strong, capable and most of all caring. If you struggle with life curr…
While it's true women are capable and strong, the benefits of a 16 year old girl having a strong male influence in her life is very large. Don't fall back on platitudes about everyone being independent. Make no mistake, from what you said there is a huge hole left in your family from the passing of your father. Your instinct is right that you should step in as much as you can. There is nothing I can say to make it ea…
I mentioned in another comment that in two years she wants to go to Poland to study Operette. I told to my mother that this is on her. My sister doesn’t speak Polish even, she won’t have that financial support. I don’t know what to do. Do I continue like my father? He gave her some money(up to 100eur a month)for reading and good grades. I could do 50 easy. Do I try to have other hobbies and maybe something will peak her interest. I don’t know, I myself am hobbyless.
I know something about sacrifice (my father sacrificed a lot and in time i also did something similar) so i hope my suggestions are helpful to you. 1) First off, it is your duty to help and look after your Mother/Grandmother/Sister as long as possible. You are all in it together and each have to be clear about their responsibilities and contributions so that your family as a whole is stable. Best case is relatives/fr…
I worry the most about my sister. My mum said today she wanted to study abroad Operrete. My mother is handling this poorly also. With father this was doable now it seems like childish dreams to me. I do not want to have a serious talk about growing up as I am afraid she will go crazy because life is now unfair. It will be a week in a couple of hours since we found out. Dad was well meaning. She collected the money fr…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I worry the most about my sister. My mum said today she wanted to study abroad Operrete. My mother is handling this poorly also. With father this was doable now it seems like childish dreams to me. I do not want to have a serious talk about growing up as I am afraid she will go crazy because life is now unfair. It will be a week in a couple of hours since we found out. Dad was well meaning. She collected the money fr…
Sorry to sound harsh, but 6eur for ice cream (or 3euro at a discount) is indulgence, not good food. I live in one of the richest Eurozone countries, with around €2000 full time minimum wage, and locals here would consider that an expensive treat, or something to sell to foolish tourists.
I’m sorry for your loss. The fact that you are the only “male” in you family seems totally irrelevant to me. You seem to have incredibly stereotypical traditional views on man and women and their roles. Frankly speaking, that is unhealthy for them and you. The fact that you even mention that the dogs are female only shows to me an unhealthy preoccupation with people’s gender. This is 2023 and women are their own pers…
They raised me, of course they are stronger than me. They supported me, so now I have to support them back. The thing about the dogs was a joke, or not, I don’t know. I was just making it more absurd.
Regardless of jokes, the whole gender thing is irrelevant, yet you seem so preoccupied with it. I hope you can shake it off.