Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

americansurveycenter.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 111 posts

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#31

Post by pibechorro »

bitwize wrote: post #25
mshake2 wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you post on liberal sources "Disclaimer: this comes from a liberal source" too? If you're not doing it uniformly, regardless of bias, then yes, you are poisoning the well.

There is far, far more reason to be worried about sources on the right than there is sources on the left. Right-aligned sources are much more likely to deny science, to skew information in a way that benefits corporate benefactors, and to contain bias against marginalized groups such as LGBTQ and even women.

You are biased. You are poison to the well.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#32

Post by safety1st »

O__________O wrote: post #23

I have done dating startups few times, even went on 1+ dates a day for six months and on each actively tried to understand how people date; in my experience, people are highly random, rarely reach anywhere near a significant sample, and tend to focus of characteristics of an individual instead of characteristics related to relationships. If I was to do another social platform that supports dating, it would be one tha…

I'll take the hardest pass ever on a "dating startup" that tells me I shouldn't care about the attractiveness, age, or finances of a potential partner.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#33

Post by O__________O »

giantg2 wrote: post #27

"One 19-year-old women says that she’s looking for mutual respect in a relationship and someone who approaches issues with an open mind." And probably a dozen other things. Self reporting is very hard for this type of thing. Theynshould probably have surveyed ex-partners and prior dates to get both sides of the story. In my experience, most of the time when a woman says she wants you to have an open mind, it means sh…

As a counter point, having gone on 100s of dates and met 10s of thousands of people in real life, in my experience people that mention open mindedness as a desirable attribute tend to mean it, at least as it relates to those who do not mention it.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#34

Post by giantg2 »

O__________O wrote: post #24
spaniard89277 wrote: post #2

In my experience the only apps that I found helping people feel less lonely, finding partner and friends, have been couchsurfing (now paid) and Meetup. In my 2nd tier spanish city Id say it's a great success. In other cities I've heard every meetup group feels like a business, but here it's language exchange, going to eat something, museums, etc. Apparently it's a bit pricey for group hosts. In my particular case I w…

Neither Couch Surfer, nor Meetup are designed for dating — and in my experience anyone using them for dating has a negative impact on there intended use. In the case of Meetup, there are dating groups, but in my experience those are a waste of time.

You don't have to use them for dating to feel less lonely. You can use them to build up a network of friends and have relationships form more organically. Weren't you also the user posting about a friends first approach? This seems like the closest thing to that.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#35

Post by soco »

O__________O wrote: post #24
spaniard89277 wrote: post #2

In my experience the only apps that I found helping people feel less lonely, finding partner and friends, have been couchsurfing (now paid) and Meetup. In my 2nd tier spanish city Id say it's a great success. In other cities I've heard every meetup group feels like a business, but here it's language exchange, going to eat something, museums, etc. Apparently it's a bit pricey for group hosts. In my particular case I w…

Neither Couch Surfer, nor Meetup are designed for dating — and in my experience anyone using them for dating has a negative impact on there intended use. In the case of Meetup, there are dating groups, but in my experience those are a waste of time.

Anything that you do "for dating" usually goes south because it will be by definition forced. The above comment said instead going to meetups for museum visits, dining, basically sharing experiences, opening yourself to new.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#36

Post by O__________O »

safety1st wrote: post #32
O__________O wrote: post #23

I have done dating startups few times, even went on 1+ dates a day for six months and on each actively tried to understand how people date; in my experience, people are highly random, rarely reach anywhere near a significant sample, and tend to focus of characteristics of an individual instead of characteristics related to relationships. If I was to do another social platform that supports dating, it would be one tha…

I'll take the hardest pass ever on a "dating startup" that tells me I shouldn't care about the attractiveness, age, or finances of a potential partner.

It’s not that they don’t matter, but that they’re significantly less important than if a person is actually has strong relationship attributes — all of which are measurable via platonic relationships. Most dating platforms as is are extremely hostile to their customers actually finding real relationships, since as soon as they do, by definition, they’re no longer customers; for a friend’s first platform, they would not be the case.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#37

Post by soco »

O__________O wrote: post #33
giantg2 wrote: post #27

"One 19-year-old women says that she’s looking for mutual respect in a relationship and someone who approaches issues with an open mind." And probably a dozen other things. Self reporting is very hard for this type of thing. Theynshould probably have surveyed ex-partners and prior dates to get both sides of the story. In my experience, most of the time when a woman says she wants you to have an open mind, it means sh…

As a counter point, having gone on 100s of dates and met 10s of thousands of people in real life, in my experience people that mention open mindedness as a desirable attribute tend to mean it, at least as it relates to those who do not mention it.

Correct me if I'm wrong but pretty much everybody will list the very same desirable traits like open mindedness, humor... and you can go on.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#38

Post by giantg2 »

O__________O wrote: post #33
giantg2 wrote: post #27

"One 19-year-old women says that she’s looking for mutual respect in a relationship and someone who approaches issues with an open mind." And probably a dozen other things. Self reporting is very hard for this type of thing. Theynshould probably have surveyed ex-partners and prior dates to get both sides of the story. In my experience, most of the time when a woman says she wants you to have an open mind, it means sh…

As a counter point, having gone on 100s of dates and met 10s of thousands of people in real life, in my experience people that mention open mindedness as a desirable attribute tend to mean it, at least as it relates to those who do not mention it.

Sure, the subset of people mentioning any trait is more likely to want that trait than the subset who doesn't mention it. But that doesn't mean the individual is accurately self evaluating what they want, especially when it comes to intangible things like open-mindedness. I assume preferenced on physical/tangible traits are more consistent between stated preference and reality.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#39

Post by jdblair »

giantg2 wrote: post #27

"One 19-year-old women says that she’s looking for mutual respect in a relationship and someone who approaches issues with an open mind." And probably a dozen other things. Self reporting is very hard for this type of thing. Theynshould probably have surveyed ex-partners and prior dates to get both sides of the story. In my experience, most of the time when a woman says she wants you to have an open mind, it means sh…

You do understand that this reasoning cuts both ways. It is much more likely (and mainstream) for the man in the relationship to not tolerate views from their partner that could invalidate or compete with his position, to paraphrase your words.

As an example, respectful disagreement with the man in a relationship is explicitly discouraged by conservative Christianity. Women are encouraged to have "loving submission" to their husbands. Just Google "biblical meaning of submission in marriage" if you want a citation.

Re: From Swiping to Sexting: The Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

#40

Post by hungryforcodes »

Americans (younger ones anyways), simply don't seem to know how to date to put it bluntly. I've been on Tinder in the US and to a lesser extent Canada, and everyone is hyper demanding and -- particularly women lately -- demand that the other person "proves" this or that (how cool they are, or how worthy of being paid attention to, etc). For hookups Tinder isn't bad, but for relationships it should be avoided at all costs, especially if you are somewhat docile. :P

Badoo and OKCupid are somehwhat better.

In other countries (Europe and Asia say), people date more normally - or as you would expect. "You seem nice, want to meet for coffee?" / "Sure."

Post reply on HN