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Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

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Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#31

Post by bovermyer »

29athrowaway wrote: post #15
tfrutuoso wrote: post #6

I'm there now. The endless cycle of staring at the bedroom ceiling trying to muster the will to get out of bed, the anger at the existencial inertia, the tiny voice inside my head that says "jump" while staring at the abyss. Glad to see you made it out, guess there's still hope out there.

[flagged]

This comment comes off a little flippant, but it's also correct.

A therapist can really help get you to a place where you feel more in control of your destiny. From there, you can take real action to get out of a bad situation.

Source: personal experience.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#33

Post by cleandreams »

I had a horrible manager once. He actively sabotaged me. I won't go into details. I knew about him -- 3 people left because of him and they all confided in me!! But I somehow thought I was immune. I went through a year of depression and utter confusion. I was innocent in that I didn't "get it". I had good experiences prior to him and his level of sabotage was just not something I could comprehend. Eventually I worked for a good enough company that he was demoted to a non-managerial position. But it was too late for me. I just left (I was at principal level).

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#34

Post by MuffinFlavored »

cleandreams wrote: post #33

I had a horrible manager once. He actively sabotaged me. I won't go into details. I knew about him -- 3 people left because of him and they all confided in me!! But I somehow thought I was immune. I went through a year of depression and utter confusion. I was innocent in that I didn't "get it". I had good experiences prior to him and his level of sabotage was just not something I could comprehend. Eventually I worked…

I had what I thought was a bad manager once. Problem was, I thought he was bad, everybody else thought he was great. It's not easy to say who is right/wrong in these situations.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#35

Post by xboxnolifes »

rgifford wrote: post #21
hbn wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My days at work where I'm actively engaged in a task and feel like I got something done fly by, whereas the days where I have nothing to do and I'm refreshing HN all day are not only boring but draining. Ironic that doing nothing makes you feel like you have no energy at the end of the day.

I guess it's all relative. To be honest, I would be over the moon to never "work" again. Don't wanna be needed, don't wanna have to report to anyone, don't wanna be part of a pyramid scheme earning some CEO or founder 50% of company payroll. I could very happily set and achieve little goals for the rest of my life -- in video games, education, little creative pursuits, and hobbies -- and never once look back. Really…

I agree with you, but I also feel there is a huge difference between not working and doing nothing at work. The latter is way more draining to me.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#37

Post by kerblang »

Yes: It is that easy to end up frog-in-a-pot. I've seen it, and I've done it. I've seen it nearly kill people and cause them to give up on careers.

And this underlines what stress is all about: Not working hard, but spinning your wheels and going nowhere. It will make a mess out of you.

And yeah, for whatever reasons the tech startup world can be ultra-nasty compared to everywhere else. The level of vindictive, nasty, hateful behavior can get completely out of control, often happening right out in the open. Not sure why, but when startups go bad, they can go ultra-bad.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#38

Post by adamdusty »

sparrish wrote: post #12

The opposite is also sometimes true. Sometimes you don't realise how GOOD something is until you leave. Regret follows both.

This for sure. I've learned to love where I'm at, but if I knew what I know now I doubt I would ever left my first job. At least not as soon as I did.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#39

Post by strangattractor »

> "That and my age....."

I think this is a common problem. At some point you gain enough experience you are not really a candidate anymore for most jobs listed on Linked, Indeed etc. You also become expensive for your employer given that they could get someone much cheaper to do the same job by hiring remote or younger. You likely should have been your bosses boss which is a real problem.

I would be curious as to how you found your new job?

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#40

Post by sopooneo »

kyleblarson wrote: post #26
itsoktocry wrote: post #10

Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.

This makes me think of the Silicon Valley scene where the guys are just sitting on the roof "resting and vesting". "Lunch? Arby's on El Camino I'll drive. Nah let's walk it'll take longer."

My question for that situation is: why even show up? Is there some token importance to you coming through the front door every morning where failing to do so will get you fired thus eliminating your stock options?
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