Getting Out of a Rut

First things first, do see a medical professional.

Secondly. I find I have to take quite a holistic approach to my life to keep on an even keel. Regular moderate exercise (whatever you enjoy and are likely to keep up, doesn't have to be much). Regular sleep schedule. Get outside lots, ideally in green spaces. The sun and elements on your face is really important. Clean up the diet too. Don't go crazy here but be sensible with sugar, reduce alcohol intake, reduce caffeine. Up the fruit and veg intake.

I also need a hobby or interest that really engages me. For me it's piano but finding something that recharges you and makes you feel switched on, really helps.

Other things that help me are relaxation exercises, doesn't have to be meditation, but something of that nature. Start to gently train your mind to unwind, bit by bit. Low intensity yoga is also excellent here.

Trying to foster self compassion, and compassion for those around you, can really dampen those low feelings for me too. Try to feel you are enough, you are suffering but doing your best, and we all share this nature. Suffering and compassion can connect you to others too.

Obviously, this is very personal advice. It depends on the specific underlying causes. As someone who has to deal with low energy, mood and some anxiety sometimes, but not acute mental illness, these have been life savers for me.

When I was at a similar point I decided to commit myself to a physical practice. I didn’t know what it would be, but I knew changing my body and my relation to it would somehow unlock things. It’s going to look different for everyone, but for me I started by conquering my fear of swimming (early childhood trauma from drowning). I then started going to a gym, didn’t love it, but took some strength classes and did a lot of cardio on the rowing machine. I then fell into an intense physical yoga practice of 5x week for three years, which was life changing. Then I found myself training Muay Thai. Just find something that works for you and where your body is at. As a music teacher of mine said to me, there’s nothing wrong with being where you’re at, just keep practicing.

In the midst of all that I spent two years in therapy, during which time I wrote in a journal every day (based off of morning pages from the artist’s way). It was super helpful to have an established physical practice while working with a therapist, as a lot of stuff comes up and often times the best thing to do is to move it physically out of your body (check out “The Body Keeps the Score” if you haven’t yet).

But, don’t think too much about the whole path. Just start with a single commitment to something and keep walking.

Have as much quality rest as you can and find the best therapist you can.

Those are obly advices i wish someone gave mme in your situation

When you get a flat tire you can catastrophically repeat over and over to yourself that "I've got a flat!" and point at it and run circles around the car and wonder what you're going to do and "omg I've got a flat this is terrible", or you can start telling yourself the story of the actions you're taking to fix the flat: 1) I'm finding the jack, 2) I'm loosening the lugs 3) I've got the spare ready, 4) you get the idea...

Reclaim your power and focus on the positive actions you are taking as minute as those seem in the moment. Meditate deeply on those, maybe even journal them daily so you force your brain to stare at the evidence that while you might feel like you're in a rut you are logically taking good steps through this rut experience.

Btw, don't underestimate the impact of the stresses of coming fatherhood, you've got a lot going on unconsciously that's less a "rut" and more like your entire biology reconfiguring itself for a new daily role. You do need to make some changes, ideally make a list of what your brain is telling you to change, but you'll be OK man.