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Write a note to your spouse every day

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Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#31

Post by Gigachad »

smegma2 wrote: post #16
ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

Did you consider that your comment sounds a little mean towards the author?

Hopefully the author is sensible enough to not be hurt by the most mild disagreement to the article point.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#32

Post by em-bee »

mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

this is probably related to the effect of different ways we perceive love. see the five love languages. we need to talk to our partners about that and try things to find out what makes them feel our love. and also tell them how we receive them.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#33

Post by haliskerbas »

ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

Completely agree. I’m convinced that the get married have kids, raise them well, they become good workers, if you time it right we are all corporate drones as a happy family - dream is pretty horrible.

I want to work to not have to work anymore. I can’t think about a partner because I’m too dead from work to give someone else the commitment they might deserve. Don’t want kids that sounds like work. Nothing is wrong with me just want to be able to relax without commitment.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#34

Post by barry-cotter »

the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

People who keep on having children are often the kind of people who like children. Under those circumstances I assure you that is not a hellish life.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#35

Post by hndamien »

philosopher1234 wrote: post #28
User23 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Since we're being party poopers, it's worth noting that if your relationship fails it is, by definition, because you are unattractive to your partner. If that's the case, then yes attention from an unattractive person is a major turn-off. That's hardly a great revelation, but even so that kind of common sense appears to be sorely lacking amongst many persons.

I think your use of the word attractive is wrongheaded, but if I set that aside your logic is also self contradictory. Lack of attention can cause lack of attraction, and thus attention from an “unattractive” person can cause attraction.

I think they are using the term "attraction" explicitly as a force to draw them together. If they fell apart, it was due to a lack of attraction.It isn't so much attention from an "unattractive" person can cause attraction - this appears to be very rare, but you are sure to not be attracted to anybody that you give no attention. Best bet is to first change your attractivity to your target (may or may not be possible) and then change the attention.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#36

Post by sneak »

em-bee wrote: post #32
mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

this is probably related to the effect of different ways we perceive love. see the five love languages. we need to talk to our partners about that and try things to find out what makes them feel our love. and also tell them how we receive them.

The love languages concept is pseudoscience, just like the MBTI.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#37

Post by insightcheck »

the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

The author is the founder, owner, and operator of a company, and from a quick view, is quite successful at his work. Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. And he has kids at the same time.

That sounds like a great life to me. Not a lot of people get the opportunity, and not very many people can pull it off. I'm sure life will be more relaxed when the kids leave the home after become adults, too.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#38

Post by lbrito »

I'm in a very similar demographic as the author so I empathise with how hard things can be, but this:

>there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day.

Oh boy. That sounds awful.

Rather than trying to work around that busyness, personally I would go out of my way to just not have that. Maybe I'm naive, but I want to be continuously moving towards being less busy and having more time for my family. Actual time, disposable time. Not time-compressed, high-information-density notes.

Of course, to each their own.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#39

Post by em-bee »

User23 wrote: post #26
mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

Since we're being party poopers, it's worth noting that if your relationship fails it is, by definition, because you are unattractive to your partner. If that's the case, then yes attention from an unattractive person is a major turn-off. That's hardly a great revelation, but even so that kind of common sense appears to be sorely lacking amongst many persons.

attraction is created through interaction. but what attracts is different for every person, and if i am attracted to someone, i need to find out what makes me attractive to them. it's not just looks or first impressions. those help to get the foot in the door, but even an initially unattractive person can become attractive as you get to know them.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#40

Post by lbrito »

ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

>marriage is not for everyone

For quite a long time this was a very obvious and common sense statement. That is literally the traditional view of the Catholic Church on marriage, for example.

Things changed only very recently.

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