I think I might have ADD, but since I'm a straight A student, socially well adjusted and not hyperactive I can not get any healthcare professional to take my problems seriously.
I cannot do things in time. Not even things that should be rewarding and fun. I cannot start tasks until it's too late, or in the rare event I start I cannot focus long enough on them to make a difference. I cannot really explain why. I know I should just do them, but there's some mental block that I cannot overcome. It has always been this way. None of the strategies I've tried ever made a difference. I always have a to-do list of a hundred small and big things I should have done two weeks ago that stresses me out. I also always lose things.
It's not unusual that I end up crying alone due to stress over all the things I should have done and feeling stupid for putting myself in the same spot again.
I manage to get good grades simply due to the expected workload being much less than my capability and being a good test-taker. At the final weeks before an exam the urgency of the situation allows me to absorb whole courses in a single week and get an A on the exam. But had I just worked 2 hours a day during the whole semester instead I could have saved myself all the stress and the depression and been a lot happier. And even though I know this, I will invariably do the same thing next semester.
I've tried getting help and a diagnosis, but the doctors will dismiss me after a single look at my grades. All they see is a student with great grades (and therefore not in need of help) looking to scam them out of some study drugs.
I get by, and manage to never get in any huge trouble despite my shortcomings. The big problem, except my mental health, is how it negatively impacts my relationships. I have a heard time prioritizing my girlfriend when I'm always stressed and always have a hundred things I should do, which is a reoccurring problem in our relationship. And making time for my friends is even harder.
I have cut out most nonessential responsibilities from by life just to reduce the stress a little. But I have no idea how I will manage big responsibilities like having children in the future without burning out.
I have given up any hope of getting a diagnosis. But I'm worried about the future, and I don't know what to do.
There's probably no help to get here, of course. I just wanted to get if off my chest.