Competition and Quarter-Life Crises • Hacker News Board

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#31

Post by bb611 » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:42 PM UTC

lowiqengineer wrote: post #8

arolihas wrote: post #3

As a fellow 23 year old Indian American who grew up in the tri-state area this hit way too close to home. I like to think I learned a lot of the lessons you’ve eschewed during my time in grad school right now but I caught myself sleuthing on your github and LinkedIn and feeling that familiar sense of envy. Some habits are hard to break I guess.

> but I caught myself sleuthing on your github and LinkedIn and feeling that familiar sense of envy He works at AWS? Is that considered particularly impressive to be envious over? Sure he went to Hopkins but that's not atypical in the Princeton area. I'd imagine for most of his peers from high school he's considered a disappointment for working at "only" AWS, they're probably all ML Engineers at FB or Google or Two S…

> I'd imagine for most of his peers from high school he's considered a disappointment for working at "only" AWS

I went to school at about the same time at the other high school in town (technically 2 towns, 1 combined school district), my family mostly still lives there. A job across the country in a well known tech company is reasonably top 25% of the class or so. Not standout, but nothing to be embarrassed about, and that's where plenty of us ended up.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#32

Post by TheMblabla » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:44 PM UTC

seibelj wrote: post #16

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

You are 24 and work at amazon (I assume in engineering) and you think others consider you a disappointment? I honestly think you need therapy, you have some major self esteem issues. Part of being an adult is not caring what others think, you need to be happy for yourself.

Looking at their comment history, and username, I think you're right.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#33

Post by arolihas » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:45 PM UTC

lowiqengineer wrote: post #28

arolihas wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you’re pathetic like me I guess. I only work at IBM on a bunch of Salesforce bullshit, so I find working on AI at AWS to be pretty impressive. Trust me I know there’s tiers to this stuff as someone who hasn’t passed interviews at Google and Citadel.

I see. I don't want to come off as harsh, I work at Amazon myself and know a lot of these people but didn't grow up in the peer group.

I know you look down on yourself pretty harshly but you don’t have to shit on the rest of us in the process. Go to therapy

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#34

Post by allenu » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:45 PM UTC

spidersouris wrote: post #29

I'm going a bit off-topic compared to other comments, but I had never heard about Seattle Freeze. Is it really harder to make friends and acquaintances in Seattle compared to other cities or States? Any Seattleite to confirm?

Seattleite here. It's a common thing that people who move to Seattle experience and can describe. I've experienced it as well and ended up mostly making friends with people I worked with, who themselves were from out of state.

I don't know if it's a phenomenon that has been really seriously studied, though, but it's well known to people who live here.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#35

Post by sci_prog » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:47 PM UTC

This story truly resonates with me as I am also first generation. I came to USA on my own, with $700 in my pocket and a partial athletic scholarship (played a D1 team sport). After I finished my undergrad and the sports were gone (in an organized form at least) I also struggled a bit. Unlike you, I made that step and got into grad school. That was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made (even though it didn't feel like at the moment). The main reason I've managed to accomplish everything in my life was primarily because of being involved in sports and being competitive in anything that I do, whether it is sports, academia, work or anything else. I believe that a healthy dose of competitive drive is what makes you a better self as you always strive for improvements. It certainly made me a better athlete and a better student.

Another thing that you mentioned is that you fell off the track a bit and you are never going to be in the shape you were in college. Trust me on this one, you'll hit your prime between 28 and 32 years old. That's when you could potentially be your strongest and fastest. And staying in shape is a lot easier than getting in shape. I was lucky that my grad school allowed me a lot of flexibility and I was still able to play my sport on a semi-professional level even after college. Try to find a group/community of like-minded people who share your passion for running. That will be your "hobby" and will fulfill multiple things that you are missing in life at the moment (e.g. staying in shape and competing).

Having said that, my "quarter life crisis" (or one third life crisis if you will) is kicking-in harder this this time around as I am in my mid 30s and my athleticism is slowly going away. Being in the middle of pandemic is not helping either. I used to be extremely agile, with a 40" vertical jump but this has been on a steady decline due to age and mileage and all the restrictions imposed on sports and gatherings. Still learning how to deal with it.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#36

Post by arolihas » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:47 PM UTC

blobbers wrote: post #2

There's not much here. He decided to compete against himself and made a list of self-improvement items? He complained about being directionless yet had some clear choices he could make. Cat? Grad School? Girlfriend? Sounds like this person needs a role-model and a mentor.

Not everyone just gets a mentor to tell them the right way to live life. We all aren’t as lucky as you.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#37

Post by heroHACK17 » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:52 PM UTC

rconti wrote: post #19

Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want. It's not an easy transition, from one of having your identity and goals shaped by others (family), and being released into a world where you define your own identity and goals. Maybe you'll be happy with your achievement graduating from a good college, and use that education to do satisfactory work and earn a satisfactory living, and pursue y…

I have been struggling with this lately. I notice that wanting to be "successful" gives me anxiety. Success is not well defined; it's a subjective term. Instead, I try to be "excellent" - be better at thing X today than I was yesterday.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#38

Post by simonkafan » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:56 PM UTC

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

Average employee tenure at Google is a little over 3 years so it doesn't seem to be the ultimate goal in life.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#39

Post by Swizec » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:57 PM UTC

rconti wrote: post #19

Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want. It's not an easy transition, from one of having your identity and goals shaped by others (family), and being released into a world where you define your own identity and goals. Maybe you'll be happy with your achievement graduating from a good college, and use that education to do satisfactory work and earn a satisfactory living, and pursue y…

> Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want.

I fear this isn't the case for lots of people these days. They go from being defined by school straight to being defined by their boss.

You need a period of independence. A time to discover who you are and what you want. A time where you aren't just chasing external validation. The earlier the better.

And as always, be like Tim, Tim doesn't give a shit. https://personalexcellence.co/files/tim-doesnt-give-a-shit.p...

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#40

Post by jkinudsjknds » Wed, Oct 07, 2020, 6:58 PM UTC

TheMblabla wrote: post #32

seibelj wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are 24 and work at amazon (I assume in engineering) and you think others consider you a disappointment? I honestly think you need therapy, you have some major self esteem issues. Part of being an adult is not caring what others think, you need to be happy for yourself.

Looking at their comment history, and username, I think you're right.

I took a stroll through the comment history as well. A large proportion of them are lamenting working at google instead of amazon and making less than 150k at 23. There was also this line

> All I see is constant disrespect from society and from places like HackerNews. Where's the sympathy for a state school grad like me struggling to get a top job, or struggling to be taken seriously?

Despite most people responding to your comments by saying its not so bad, you're not a failure, and that you're doing fine.

Really, you're fine (career wise). Get some professional help. This is entirely a matter of perspective. Many people would dream to have what you have.