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The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

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Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#31
post #29

I think ( or at least for me, this is the case ) that there is a threshold. A certain amount of casual usage doesn't make me feel bad, and in fact can be gratifying-- sharing nice photos with family & friends. But very regular or constant use is bad.

I'd pay $5/month for a private network that is just this. My data is mine, no ads, no tracking. Simple, close friends, no addiction triggers.

I think if a social network could get their initial start & critical mass, that might work. I wonder how things would have turned out if Facebook had gone for a freemium model instead of ad-supported model.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#32
post #27
post #9

I have been working in this problem space for the past year or so developing a new kind of social media that I think has some merits. Take away the advertisement model, the public nature of discourse, and replace it with meaningful context-driven one-on-one conversation and I think we might have something. My platform can take any topic and disseminate a discussion to as many one-on-one conversations as people who ar…

no fault of yours, but if this is really successful it will be bought by facebook and drowned like a pillow case full of kittens.

Well if it's bought it would be my fault because I would have sold it.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#33
post #5

I dunno. After moving to the valley and leaving all my friends behind, social media is my one connection to anyone besides my wife. I don't compare myself to people on SM and feel bad. I see my friends and family and generally feel good.

It also depends on how you use Facebook.

I've noticed that people who use it to share political posts, rants, etc. tend to be some of the most emotionally negative people I've met. (reposting stuff entails low thinking effort)

Whereas people who write little David-Sedaris-like stories about their lives, sometimes with pictures, tend to receive positive emotional benefits. It's like the practice of writing Christmas letters but instead of doing it once a year, you get to do continuously. Sure there is the occasional flexing and humblebragging, but even the most humble among us can't help but share our little life victories on occasion (e.g. Ph.D. graduation, vacations taken, etc.). In my circles, people tend to share stories about their foibles and flaws too, often in a funny way, so it kind of balances things out.

Facebook is an especially great place for introverts to be vulnerable through the medium of the written word. In real life social settings, introverts tend to be crowded out by others and can sometimes struggle to tell their story. When we're in a face-to-face situation, there isn't always the occasion to truly share in detail because the politer ones among us want to avoid hogging all the attention. And even when the spotlight is on us, we don't always remember all the interesting stories to tell.

That's why the written form is so powerful as a tool for self-revelation and vulnerability. It helps deepens relationships. I've had friends who've read my posts come up to me in person to tell me, "I never knew that about you", which actually made it possible to have deeper in-person connection.

I do have a few rules about posting: if I didn't write/create it, I won't post it; and before I post, I ask: "is it kind? is it true?" These rules seem to keep me out of trouble.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#34
post #10
post #5

I dunno. After moving to the valley and leaving all my friends behind, social media is my one connection to anyone besides my wife. I don't compare myself to people on SM and feel bad. I see my friends and family and generally feel good.

I wonder if being on Facebook reduces your motivation to build new friendships (it does take some work) since it allows you (with little effort) to maintain some form of very limited remote relationship? Maybe without Facebook, we (remote people) would be more motivated to build new local, face to face, and fulfilling friendships?

> I wonder if being on Facebook reduces your motivation to build new friendships

It didn't for me. I still made friends in real life, and FB helped me deepen some of those friendships by helping me reveal more about myself (I'm an introvert who's much better at writing than talking).

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#35
Well this is how capitalism is supposed to work - the creation of disvalues to motivate consumption. You degrade environments so people have to buy posh housing to insulate themselves from physical reality. Etc. Ultimately (social media) you degrade human attention to reduce people's freedom to evade trivial commercial blandishments.

Happy populations would be a catastrophe for capitalism.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#36
post #29

I think ( or at least for me, this is the case ) that there is a threshold. A certain amount of casual usage doesn't make me feel bad, and in fact can be gratifying-- sharing nice photos with family & friends. But very regular or constant use is bad.

I'd pay $5/month for a private network that is just this. My data is mine, no ads, no tracking. Simple, close friends, no addiction triggers.

I have high hopes that Textile Photos[1] could be this.

[1] https://www.textile.photos/

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#37
I stopped using any kind of social media five or so years ago, and I've never looked back. I have a bare bones profile with no personally identifiable information on one particular social network so I can keep in touch with a few people who are interstate, but I never browse the public site. My fears that I would lose touch with people close to me were unfounded. It may be a platitude to say that the people who don't make the extra effort to contact you aren't your real friends, but it is true. I lost touch with many people, but not with anyone who mattered to me. My real friendships all endured. The impetus for my exodus from social media was the realisation that my online activities weren't a reflection of my real life persona, but was directly affecting it. I realised that by using these mediums in the manner that was intended I ( and so many others ) was beginning to engage in what I would call dysfunctional, histrionic behaviour. I came to the realisation that the person that I want to be does not do this kind of thing, and I was completely right.

Not only do I disavow Facebook on moral grounds for the political implications of their overreach, but I think that it is a product engineered to prey on human insecurity and profit by perpetuating dysfunctional, harmful behaviour.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#38
post #29

I think ( or at least for me, this is the case ) that there is a threshold. A certain amount of casual usage doesn't make me feel bad, and in fact can be gratifying-- sharing nice photos with family & friends. But very regular or constant use is bad.

I'd pay $5/month for a private network that is just this. My data is mine, no ads, no tracking. Simple, close friends, no addiction triggers.

I'm building that! After a decade in the adtech business, PhotoStructure is an act of penance to let your richest metadata source, your photos and videos, stay yours and yours alone. I'd love to have you try it out and hear your feedback.

https://blog.photostructure.com/introducing-photostructure/

Disclaimer: I'm the founder.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#39
post #5

I dunno. After moving to the valley and leaving all my friends behind, social media is my one connection to anyone besides my wife. I don't compare myself to people on SM and feel bad. I see my friends and family and generally feel good.

A similar thing happened to me.

But social media ≠ Facebook. I never really used Facebook, and all my friends are (also) on other, smaller, even tiny networks, and some are just in email and video calls.

Through these tiny networks, I actually found new friends.

Re: The more you use Facebook, the worse you feel (2017)

#40

Does this still hold up? 95% of my facebook feed is now shared posts that aren’t related to things my friends are doing, and are often posts about products. There is almost nothing I see on facebook that invites social comparison with my facebook friends any more.

If your feed is like mine, 90% of those shared posts, political memes, and other garbage are coming from 10% of your friends. I mostly ignore or just snooze those people and end up with a feed of pretty positive life stories.
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