Earlier quoted context omitted.
>I buy hotel breakfasts now sometimes (the buffet ones), on normal work days, in my home town. Where do you find the time to clean all your monocles?
I usually ask the maid to do it.
You need to upgrade to a valet.
Combining finances
31–40 of 109 posts
Re: Combining finances
#32We've had separate finances for 12 years and it's seemed to work well for us. We combine the "I've got it" approach for little things and "Let's split it" for large shared purchases. It leads to healthy communication and negotiation on large purchases, plus personal responsibility of our own incomes, expenses and savings. Large purchases that are not shared can be subject to opinion, but never control. Of course, there's no substitute for financial compatibility.
Re: Combining finances
#33I think this skips the biggest source of tension in my household with regards to money. The only way I know to describe that is 'it's worth less to you than to me'. For instance, I would tomorrow gladly outsource the entirety of our laundry work to a service. It would be much cheaper than other monthly expenses we have that I value much less highly. But my wife has shot that down. She has all manner of reasons why it…
Different utility functions. However ability to compromise, organize, and communicate can smooth over differences.
Re: Combining finances
#34We pretty much do this, although it's a little subject to the same thing that "unlimited PTO" is - one person may feel guiltier about spending money than the other and it may crop up in various ways.
The only thing we haven't quite figured out how to account for yet is that we are occupying pretty 'conventional' roles by choice and by practicality. I can make a lot more money for many reasons, most of them have nothing to do with me, and they certainly don't have /anything/ to do with me working harder or being more valuable than my wife. It is what it is, and we mostly are okay with it.
However, because a ton of my wife's work is still unseen and undervalued (by society, and sometimes by me) and even though we have both agreed that she shouldn't work a low paying job she hates just for the sake of working, and even though we both see that much of her labor is in the traditionally feminine realm of home-making, emotional support, maintaining social connections, etc (which are all very valuable! They make my life immeasurably better! I couldn't afford to pay for them at market rates!)
So our arrangement works well for us if we stay married of course, yet if we don't, I am arguably in a much stronger position of being able to make money, still have an intact work history, etc etc. Yes historically this is where alimony comes in, but it is still hard to grapple with. You never want to think about your relationship ending, yet you also want to work together to make sure that the choices that you have both made that work best for you while you are together don't become something far worse in retrospect if you choose to part.
Re: Combining finances
#35This is exactly the system that we use. The downsides that we have encountered so far:
- Pooling our money in a shared account makes it seem like we have money than we actually do, leading to overspending
- We each have different ideas of what is a necessary expense
To fix this, we had to start communicating a lot more about finances than we used to. We wound up creating a spreadsheet to track recurring expenses and calculate our monthly budget. We decide ahead of time what we're going to spend money on, and talk about it when unexpected expenses occur.
The benefits of this system seem to outweigh the downsides, so we'll probably keep doing this for the foreseeable future.
Re: Combining finances
#36I think this skips the biggest source of tension in my household with regards to money. The only way I know to describe that is 'it's worth less to you than to me'. For instance, I would tomorrow gladly outsource the entirety of our laundry work to a service. It would be much cheaper than other monthly expenses we have that I value much less highly. But my wife has shot that down. She has all manner of reasons why it…
Have you considered something like asking for laundry service as a birthday gift?
My wife and I have similar spending patterns, but if we had different valuations on something, I would want to be able to talk about it (express my desire), show a willingness to compromise (in exchange of a birthday gift) but in a way that respected her valuation.
Re: Combining finances
#37Betting the OP doesn’t have kids. Until you have kids you are playing the game on easy mode
The biggest problem with the approach is large, optional purchases that effect quality of life. Things that are too big for “fun money”
Remodeling or Upgrading a house Private school for kids Vacations Vacation property Nice cars College savings Rainy day funds
One way to handle such is for both partners to agree on % saved out of the joint account and/or minimum balance
Re: Combining finances
#38[deleted]
Re: Combining finances
#39This was the least surprising result. I thought "combined finances, with an allowance" was basically the default for married couples who have been together a long time and/or since they were fairly young.
Currently my wife and I just contribute an equal amount to a joint account for the mortgage and car, and the rest is basically "I've got it" in a proportional sense. It basically works because we spend less than we make, so we have savings. I'm currently out a TON of money for an upcoming vacation, but I kind of have the sense that it all works out in the end, because I am not (yet) out of money, and if I have to dip into "my" savings to pay the bills from the trip, well, from a net perspective "we" still have the same amount of money as if I asked her to pony up some to pay my credit card this month.
But of course, this fails plenty of tests, and will have to be re-thought if one of us ends up out of work.
Re: Combining finances
#40Betting the OP doesn’t have kids. Until you have kids you are playing the game on easy mode The biggest problem with the approach is large, optional purchases that effect quality of life. Things that are too big for “fun money” Remodeling or Upgrading a house Private school for kids Vacations Vacation property Nice cars College savings Rainy day funds One way to handle such is for both partners to agree on % saved ou…
> Until you have kids you are playing the game on easy mode
Ha. That reminds me of "If you want to learn to get up early, have kids." (altough more accurately the school district sets your wake times).