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Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

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Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#31

Post by jaysonelliot »

groaner wrote: post #16
jaysonelliot wrote: post #12

Spend time helping others for a while. This is actually a very selfish thing to do, no matter how counter-intuitive that sounds. Studies on human happiness have shown repeatedly that we are actually made happier by giving to others than by receiving things. It doesn't really matter what you choose. Build houses with Habitat for Humanity, Try Volunteers for Peace and dig wells and build homes in the third world. http:…

Interesting take. I have volunteered before, at community events and the food bank. It felt uncomfortable because I did indeed feel selfish doing those things. It's reassuring to know that this is completely normal.

I hope you'll post a followup on HN once you make a decision, this is actually a very interesting post. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#32

Post by dkarl »

First, decide whether you're going to have a career change or a career interruption. If you decide on the latter, give it a few weeks. Just do whatever you want and don't feel guilty or wonder how it will extrapolate into the future. You are a smart and productive person; eventually you will find yourself doing something you enjoy and are proud of.

It's natural that you're scared of the vacuum. A good friend of mine, a very nice and moral person, told me that if he didn't believe in God there would be nothing stopping him from stealing, lying, killing, and raping as much as he could get away with. He was completely wrong, of course. Your worry that in the absence of obligations you will waste your time and not do anything worthwhile is wrong in the same way.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#33

Post by dstein »

The following video, narrated by Alan Watts, and animated by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, eloquently describes exactly what you have figured out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4&feature=playe...

You essentially have come to the realization that the things you have been lead to believe (career, wealth, social status, possessions) are not what will make you happy. This realization can go down a dark path of depression if you're not careful, so be careful and stay level headed. Definitely take time off, pursue interests you never had time for and completely stop worrying about the future. That's the important part, to stop thinking there's some sort of end goal that you're working toward.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#34

Post by jonsmock »

I'm 26, and if I were in your shoes, I guarantee I'd feel the same way (primarily, because I do already somewhat).

If I read this right, you're struggling to feel needed. I know this isn't exactly the same thing as the need to make a difference in the world, but it seems close enough to be actionable.

I say find some people who truly need you and do your best to help them. Is that teaching? Is that fixing their situation? Is that creating a new idea or product? This will take some exploration, but it has to be worth it, right?

And, none of us are perfect. I put the same pressure on myself (I've been programming since 7th grade, and I feel the exact same way about my questionable programming skills). But, we're all still learning, and I'm betting you're smart enough to make a difference in at least one person's life. Then you can extrapolate from there.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#35

Post by guylhem »

groaner wrote: post #6
klbarry wrote: post #4

Join a start-up and share in the founder's passion, you will have the good parts of the experience without the money stress.

Maybe I read too much Hacker News, but frankly I find a lot of startups uninspiring. Social this, web-based that, yadda yadda. Again, I might just need an attitude change, or I'm wearing the wrong glasses.

Doing is easy. Finding out what you want to do is not - at least not for me.

It also seems you are self-deprecating. You must have some value - you were not paid for doing nothing!

But maybe what was found valuable in you by corporate america differs from what you define as a value.

Have you tried reading philosophy? It helped me. If philosophy is not your thing you can try more accessible literature. My biased suggestion would be Atlas Shrugged.

I would also suggest trying to define your life values (what's important for you?) and following that, defining your life goals (where do you want to make a chance?) - then it's "just" a matter of implementation.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#36

Post by groaner »

dkarl wrote: post #32

First, decide whether you're going to have a career change or a career interruption. If you decide on the latter, give it a few weeks. Just do whatever you want and don't feel guilty or wonder how it will extrapolate into the future. You are a smart and productive person; eventually you will find yourself doing something you enjoy and are proud of. It's natural that you're scared of the vacuum. A good friend of mine,…

Thanks for your reassurance.

The problem is that I have evidence to the contrary. I have already started wasting time and not doing anything worthwhile.

In any case, I don't see myself doing anything other than programming for a career, though I ought to take some time to explore as well.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#37

Post by jholman »

groaner wrote: post #17
brk wrote: post #15

When you say you've never had a "house", does this mean you still live with your parents? I think you mostly have existed and not actually lived. You should probably start by just gaining some independence and some outside extracurricular activities. You should have a house/apartment, a car, a girlfriend, some hobbies. Lack of these things and the ability to live for 10 years on any amount you could have reasonably a…

I think you have described me well. I'm not bragging. You should be able to tell from what I've written that I'm not proud of what I've done in life so far. Is it wrong for me to prioritize getting some real stuff done over having a car, house, or girlfriend? It's not like a gas-guzzling vehicle will make me any happier, and I find gardening distinctly unenjoyable. No comment yet on this relationship stuff.

I thought it was clear that you were not bragging, simply describing as best you could the problem-space (and the resources currently available).

Regarding the prioritization of cars, houses, and relationships....

I would say that owning a car is just what it appears. If it doesn't seem appealing, don't do it. Owning real estate, pretty similar. Moving out, maybe a little more subtle (i.e. the costs/benefits are less obvious to someone who hasn't done it yet), but not enormously more subtle.

But I would argue that girlfriend/relationship is not like these things. (Obviously I speak here for my own experience, and I claim that it's somewhat generalizable.) Relationships are rewarding in weird and surprising ways, and difficult in weird and confusing ways. Also, they require practice to maximize your benefits, so if you figure you're going to want this at some point, getting some low-pressure practice in might be prudent.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#38

Post by groaner »

edw519 wrote: post #22

Here's what you need to do: 1. Find someone who needs help. 2. Help them. That's it. It's not about you and your skills and your intelligence and your blessings and your depression and your inner psychology etc. etc. etc. It's about others. They may need help in an area you're already familiar with, but maybe not. Either way, you'll learn something new, they'll get where they need to be, and your situation will profo…

You've struck a nerve here. I don't have a response yet... but thank you.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#39

Post by jholman »

maxdemarzi wrote: post #18

Go back to School. Get a Master's degree in Computer Science if you are doubting your programming skills. Take or Audit a bunch of weird classes (in and out of the CS branch) and see if anything there interests you. Drink up (now that you can afford quality beer) and get laid.

Argh. Going to get a Master's is NOT a solution to doubting your programming skills! Professors cannot teach you how to write code, because they don't know themselves.

(Going to school may or may not be a great move... but not for this reason!)

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#40

Post by skurland78704 »

groaner wrote: post #17
brk wrote: post #15

When you say you've never had a "house", does this mean you still live with your parents? I think you mostly have existed and not actually lived. You should probably start by just gaining some independence and some outside extracurricular activities. You should have a house/apartment, a car, a girlfriend, some hobbies. Lack of these things and the ability to live for 10 years on any amount you could have reasonably a…

I think you have described me well. I'm not bragging. You should be able to tell from what I've written that I'm not proud of what I've done in life so far. Is it wrong for me to prioritize getting some real stuff done over having a car, house, or girlfriend? It's not like a gas-guzzling vehicle will make me any happier, and I find gardening distinctly unenjoyable. No comment yet on this relationship stuff.

I disagree with your first assertion; a Hayabusa could make you very happy. ;-)
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