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Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

nytimes.com

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Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#31

Post by telesilla »

watwut wrote: post #29
telesilla wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>but worrying about looks is not? Social pressure is so strong! I don't know if you are a woman or not but from my perspective (as a woman) I am truly grateful for each year I live, as I become less and less worried about my appearance in detail, and more about the expression on my face and my body language - how happy and welcoming I look when I greet people. This knowledge wasn't obvious as a young woman.

Lol, as I am getting old I care less and less whether I look happy and welcoming :). I am increasingly less and less concerned about projecting socially expected emotions when I don't have them. Through, I do care also less about how I look, through I am trying to force myself to care bit more.

Maybe it's a bell curve - when we do reach 70 we'll not care about either, much as we did as toddlers!

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#32

Post by cco »

agumonkey wrote: post #27

> There is an amazing calculus in old age. As much is taken away, we find more to love and appreciate. We experience bliss on a regular basis. As one friend said: “When I was young I needed sexual ecstasy or a hike to the top of a mountain to experience bliss. Now I can feel it when I look at a caterpillar on my garden path.” This makes me wonder how much teenage/adulthood is a layer of stress onto our brains. A very…

Gazing at caterpillars on a garden path does not generally lead to passing along your genes. Impatience and a craving for intensity does often lead to passing along your genes, I think the calculus is pretty straight forward.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#33

Post by fsfsdff56sdf »

"Most of us don’t miss the male gaze. It came with catcalls, harassment and unwanted attention. Instead, we feel free from the tyranny of worrying about our looks. For the first time since we were 10, we can feel relaxed about our appearance."

I call bullshit. People spend Billions to become more attractive, and rarely anything to become less attractive.

If these women would have suffered so much from the "male gaze", they could have taken steps to look as unattractive as possible way earlier than in their 70ies.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#34

Post by fsfsdff56sdf »

agumonkey wrote: post #27

> There is an amazing calculus in old age. As much is taken away, we find more to love and appreciate. We experience bliss on a regular basis. As one friend said: “When I was young I needed sexual ecstasy or a hike to the top of a mountain to experience bliss. Now I can feel it when I look at a caterpillar on my garden path.” This makes me wonder how much teenage/adulthood is a layer of stress onto our brains. A very…

Maybe they have just become a little senile, so they revel in caterpillar watching.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#35

Post by draw_down »

Not just women but almost anyone in America will protest against the idea that they are old (though our cultural ideas about old women are as bad as the author claims). I've noticed this in my parents who are now in their mid-60s. It's quite sad that people have the mentality that they need to stay "forever young"; ideally we'd be able to accept the stages of our lives as they come.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#36

Post by menacingly »

porpoisely wrote: post #24
marchenko wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems from survey data that happiness really does increase in one's later years, after a nadir around midlife. So aging can be a joy, and younger people - especially those reading this in their 40s - may find it reassuring.

That sounds like resignation or acceptance rather than joy. You see this with terminally ill patients or first time prisoners. They initially struggle with their fate, but eventually accept or are resigned to their fate. That is different from joy.

One of the things I thought about a lot this past year is that when you're presented with a choice of "is it a big fake scam or is it this other authentic thing", the answer is often that it's both and whichever one you focus on blurs out the other.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#37

Post by quickthrower2 »

devereaux wrote: post #14
dominotw wrote: post #2

> happiness is a skill and a choice. but worrying about looks is not? > we feel free from the tyranny of worrying about our looks. For the first time since we were 10, we can feel relaxed about our appearance.

I worry about the code I write, but for some reason some people comment about the piece of cloths I have on my skin while the choice is most often utilitarian.

At job interviews I also need to adorn a choker, so that they know I can code in low oxygen environments.

I guess that is appropriate for large open plan zoos.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#38

Post by fsfsdff56sdf »

SolaceQuantum wrote: post #16
dominotw wrote: post #2

> happiness is a skill and a choice. but worrying about looks is not? > we feel free from the tyranny of worrying about our looks. For the first time since we were 10, we can feel relaxed about our appearance.

Worrying about looks is not a choice if it has real consequences on your career, especially when young. Women are especially pressured to maintain their appearance along many axises that are difficult to manage. This pressure presumably fades as one gets older according to the writer.

Citation needed. I know many not so pretty women in successful careers.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#39

Post by kokokokoko »

sctb wrote: post #21
porpoisely wrote: post #19

Couldn't you write this stuff of anything? Ultimately, isn't it just empty rationalizations that we all have to go through as we grow old or what we do given any situation? What the fox in Aesop's story did when he could get at the grapes? Just rationalize and move on. People can write the "Joy of Being in Prison", the "Joy of Being Homeless", the "Joy of Impotence", the "Joy of Losing Your Limbs", etc. But is that r…

Couldn't you write this comment about anything? > Please don't post shallow dismissals, especially of other people's work. A good critical comment teaches us something. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

I personally found the above comment very insightful. There is significant difference between discovered joys and rationalized ones. Both are very valid, but I think this is an important part of the discussion.

The last part about being newsworthy was likely unneeded, though.

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