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The Hand Licking Incident

raisingfutureadults.blogspot.com

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Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#31

Post by DoreenMichele »

sdrothrock wrote: post #30
DoreenMichele wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gifted plus special needs. Often described as "gifted and learning disabled," but it's really a gifted child with any disability. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twice_exceptional

Thank you! It says that it came around in the mid 90s, which would have been when I was in elementary school, but I've never heard of the term despite fitting in the group. I wonder if it was related to a certain set of schools/philosophies.

I learned the term because I was homeschooling and active in the oldest online gifted community. I kind of was rubbing elbows with some of the luminaries in gifted education circles. So I was kind of in on the ground floor.

I believe public schools were much slower to adopt such concepts.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#32

Post by sdrothrock »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #31
sdrothrock wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you! It says that it came around in the mid 90s, which would have been when I was in elementary school, but I've never heard of the term despite fitting in the group. I wonder if it was related to a certain set of schools/philosophies.

I learned the term because I was homeschooling and active in the oldest online gifted community. I kind of was rubbing elbows with some of the luminaries in gifted education circles. So I was kind of in on the ground floor. I believe public schools were much slower to adopt such concepts.

That makes a lot of sense! Thank you. Do you know if it is (yet/still?) in use in public school systems in the US?

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#33

Post by DoreenMichele »

sdrothrock wrote: post #32
DoreenMichele wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I learned the term because I was homeschooling and active in the oldest online gifted community. I kind of was rubbing elbows with some of the luminaries in gifted education circles. So I was kind of in on the ground floor. I believe public schools were much slower to adopt such concepts.

That makes a lot of sense! Thank you. Do you know if it is (yet/still?) in use in public school systems in the US?

No clue. My youngest is 29 and I have no grandchildren, so I have no current involvement with the school system.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#34

Post by markdown »

toufiqbarhamov wrote: post #8
markdown wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It never ceases to amaze me how many authority figures think violence “fixes” a behaviour I think it's safe to assume that most humans currently alive were spanked as children and most parents alive today spank their children. If that assumption is true, than it's not amazing... it's just the norm.

Arguing from tradition on a tech forum? I’m not sure I see the logic here, unless you’re the type who thinks that we made a mistake trading flint for bronze. Extremes aside, your argument could be applied equally well to bleeding people for “medicine” without changing more than the word “spanked” to “bled”. That should probably give you pause.

> Arguing from tradition on a tech forum?

I've not yet argued a position here; only pointed out that spanking is the norm on planet earth.

For what it's worth, I was spanked (IMO responsibly, not abusively) as a child but I do not spank my own child.

Parenting is hard. People try their best. I'm grateful to my parents for raising me the best way they knew how.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#35

Post by delinka »

khazhou wrote: post #15
delinka wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But a good manager is a shit umbrella, keeping the shit off you. I'm supportive of providing solutions so that everyone's lives improve, but one must be careful not to give the impression that the way to make the underlings perform is to let the shit roll downhill.

True, but I'm not saying it's a going thing to roll shit down... I'm saying that it would behoove people to realize that when their manager is angry, it's probably because their manager is angry at them. One can do with that insight what they will. Personally, it helps me cope with stressful situations, to realize I'm not the odd man out, and that everyone struggles to get it right.

I'm afraid you've misunderstood. I'm saying that when you see shit happening and do these things to make improvements, you [unwittingly] train the management stack that this is how they get improvements: by sending the shit downhill.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#36

Post by waterhouse »

khazhou wrote: post #13

Eh, this article was a bit "Reader's Digest". Parent tries to solve problem, gives up and lets fate have its way, problem goes away when parent wasn't looking, parent-child have a moment of trust which reveals that the problem was something simple all along. Life lesson learned. How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but…

> A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but weird in middle school and socially+career-limiting in an adult.

Amusingly enough, I had such a thing in elementary and middle school: I couldn't pronounce "r" or "l", but was convinced I was pronouncing them fine. (No one showed me a recording of my speech.) I was sent to speech therapy and learned some alternate way of pronouncing "r", which I almost never carried out because it wasn't what I'd originally learned and seemed weird and wrong.

Eventually, I had a dental appliance (a "butterfly expander") removed from my mouth, and I resumed correct pronunciation of "r" and "l" sounds immediately (while still in the dentist's office, I think). The expander sat just below the roof of my mouth, blocking a certain range of my tongue's movement that is indeed involved in making "r" and "l" sounds.

I wonder if the speech therapists knew about such things.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#37

Post by chasing »

> Meanwhile, our relationship grew more acrimonious. He clearly no longer trusted me and this was beginning to poison all our interactions.

> Finally, I had this moment where I felt that my efforts to ramp up the pressure to force him to stop had crossed some line. I felt I was turning into an abusive parent.

#$@#%?!??!

What the hell is wrong with this person? It's hand-licking. The child isn't sticking forks in outlets or punching teachers. Laugh at it if you can't figure it out and get on with your lives.

> I was a young homemaker, financially dependent on my husband, and I was feeling enormously pressured by both of these people. I also felt they both had real careers and didn't genuinely respect me. They both felt it was my job and mine alone to somehow make my son stop licking his hands entirely.

This also sits really weirdly with me. Doesn't matter who's working and who isn't: The child has two parents. Parenting is a collaboration. (If you feel disrespected as the non-working parent, that's something to be worked out between you and your partner, not your child.)

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#38

Post by jachee »

chasing wrote: post #37

> Meanwhile, our relationship grew more acrimonious. He clearly no longer trusted me and this was beginning to poison all our interactions. > Finally, I had this moment where I felt that my efforts to ramp up the pressure to force him to stop had crossed some line. I felt I was turning into an abusive parent. #$@#%?!??! What the hell is wrong with this person? It's hand-licking. The child isn't sticking forks in outl…

People in Kansas are quite conservative, generally. She also mentions her husband being military. I'm sure the combination of those factors helped lead to her becoming de facto sole child rearer.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#39

Post by DoreenMichele »

jachee wrote: post #38
chasing wrote: post #37

> Meanwhile, our relationship grew more acrimonious. He clearly no longer trusted me and this was beginning to poison all our interactions. > Finally, I had this moment where I felt that my efforts to ramp up the pressure to force him to stop had crossed some line. I felt I was turning into an abusive parent. #$@#%?!??! What the hell is wrong with this person? It's hand-licking. The child isn't sticking forks in outl…

People in Kansas are quite conservative, generally. She also mentions her husband being military. I'm sure the combination of those factors helped lead to her becoming de facto sole child rearer.

In fact, he was gone six months out of the year the entire time we were in Kansas. It was the worst duty station in that regard in roughly two decades as a military family.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#40

Post by tbabb »

khazhou wrote: post #13

Eh, this article was a bit "Reader's Digest". Parent tries to solve problem, gives up and lets fate have its way, problem goes away when parent wasn't looking, parent-child have a moment of trust which reveals that the problem was something simple all along. Life lesson learned. How about when it's not a simple underlying problem ("hands get dry in cold climate")? A speech impediment which is cute in a small kid but…

> How about when it's not a simple underlying problem?

Then applying brute force instead of empathy is still not going to work?

I am not sure exactly what nit you are picking.

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