Live data from Hacker News

Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

advisory.com

31–40 of 344 posts

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#31

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

It does sound nice. Once you're an adult, does anyone have these sort of relationships/friendships, or is this a thing that only exists in Seinfeld?

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#32

What is the opposite of lonely though? Popular? Not to get all high school angsty, but I bet popular people, of the Instagram famous people variety, are much more popular than they would have been in previous eras given their expanded reach. Perhaps this is the dark side of Internet fame: Increasing real world obscurity for everyone else. In previous eras, simple proximity counted for something. Now, it doesn't matte…

Companionship or fellowship would be the primary opposites. Popular people don't necessarily have these, and they can still be lonely.

I was very popular in high school, and I have far, far fewer friends today, but I'm less lonely because of the level of my friendships - to use my self as an example.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#34

I'm curious if this is a direct result of the internet and smartphones. The two make us feel more connected, more global, but I think it makes us more isolated. I miss talking to my friends on the phone, and hanging out in the 90s. Everything, especially how humans interact, is so digital today.

> The two make us feel more connected, more global, but I think it makes us more isolated. My wife and I had this discussion the other day. Messaging or posting on FB or whatever is very flat. There's no depth to it at all. It doesn't replace hearing a loved one's voice or looking into their eyes or hugging them or even having a meal with them. When you go and you visit them and you see them, you realize how much you…

Maybe so, but when I'm done with work, I hang out with my bros and play games on Discord (before that it was Ventrilo/Mumble/TeamSpeak). It may not be face to face interaction, but we're super social and it's great for us. We're always meeting new people and having new voice interactions, which at least for me, is as good (or better) than hanging out IRL. It's still nice to meet up sometimes, but definitely not needed to avoid loneliness.

It's not like I touch my friends much when we're meeting up IRL anyway, and voice is more comfortable to me than being on video (or being visible irl), as I don't have to think about how I carry myself.

Tons of gamers do this and I don't think many of them are in the "lonely" camp. I'm not sure why voice channels haven't seen wider adoption outside of gaming.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#35
Are Americans outliers in loneliness? I know Pinker mentions this in Enlightenment Now, but I feel like it's glossed over a bit since it doesn't really align with his thesis.

I'm very interested in the reasons for this, though. Loss of community structures without replacements? (Wider spread families for work, not going to church...)

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#36

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I feel like these interactions go through phases of 1. Being ok and acceptable and even enjoyable at first; 2. People abuse it more and more; 3. Gradually turns into a negative experience in general; 4. The ordinary person will then avoid it and that becomes the norm.

Taking your example of meeting people online. I was on the internet in the late 90s as a teenager and it was incredibly easy and fun to meet people on IRC or ICQ and just chat. Some of those people I even eventually went on to meet in person. There was no motives, no romantic interests, whatever gender people were. Fast forward to now, these things seem unthinkable to do now both for adults and adolescents, safety concerns, predators, etc.

Take real life neighborhoods for example too. Growing up in the 80s and 90s in both Asia and America, when someone rings the door bell, you open the door and see who it is and talk to them. Nowadays this is almost not the norm anymore. In the past 2 years I have been assaulted and robbed as close as a block away from my house. I'm not opening the door to any stranger ringing my door bell, even if 99% of time they are harmless solicitors. There's far too many incidents of people abusing the trust and trying to cause harm when you let them in. I am not risking that.

I don't know what the answers might be to all of this. Is society actually getting more dangerous? Is it just that we're hearing more thanks to more news and internet? Is it overall income inequality in society that causes more crimes to occur? I have no answers to any of these.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#37

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

> There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them.

I have found meetup.com to be exactly this. Not everybody at a meetup will click personally, but they're much more likely to share interests. One meetup group has completely changed my life, and I have met people I consider some of the best people I have ever encountered anywhere. And they all live right near me.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#38

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

I use dating apps regularly when traveling for exactly that. You'd be surprised how willing people are to meetup without the pressure of dating/sex being involved. Fly into a city for work, meetup for fun, and make a new friend for next time.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#39
post #31

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

It does sound nice. Once you're an adult, does anyone have these sort of relationships/friendships, or is this a thing that only exists in Seinfeld?

I’ve known a handful of friends for all my life. I believe my relationship with them is of this sort.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#40

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I do think people tend to engage with strangers a lot less often than they had "back then," but I cannot agree modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction at all. You can see people interacting with strangers on college campuses, at music events, and at grocery stores all the time.

This still happens but it can be geography-specific.

Chicago is one of the few big cities that is still relatively open to these types of spontaneous interactions.

London on the other hand is not.

Post reply on HN