baby don't hurt me.
no more.
Baow baow baowbaow babaow baow baowbaow babaow baow baowbaow babaow baow baowbaow...
How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
31–40 of 222 posts
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#321. I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner. Although I do think it's reasonable to try to learn early on what you're looking for, this idea that we should all be dramatically expanding our dating pool to find the perfect person is abominable. Look at a city with a massive population of eligible young people, like say NYC..…
>> I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner.
Dating is no machine learning where you need a large sample to get it right. It is rather taking the looking glass focussing on what fits for you.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#33> But good old society frowns upon that, and people are often still timid to say they met their spouse on a dating site. The respectable way to meet a life partner is by dumb luck, by bumping into them randomly or being introduced to them from within your little pool. Well, yeah. This is how social networks work: similar people group together, people socialize within that group, and they match with people who they ar…
>: the author presents one view of how to pick your life partner, from one way of life
Yeah that's often a very genuine way of writting, from your own perspective. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Sure it might not fit your life but it might be interesting to or help a few.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#341. I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner. Although I do think it's reasonable to try to learn early on what you're looking for, this idea that we should all be dramatically expanding our dating pool to find the perfect person is abominable. Look at a city with a massive population of eligible young people, like say NYC..…
1. Is also because people want to have ego stroked and sex all the time. If you have tons of potential mates but you just only want to email with them for 2-3 months, and not sappy emails, but just emailing to get to know eachother, then you weed out most of that. All the 'fast ones' are completely gone by that time and you are left with something that could be 'real'. You never know, but this advice got a lot of people permanently together when we owned a dating site where we didn't want focus on one night stands. Which ofcourse happened a lot (and worse), but this seems to work effectively if both sides can withstand the usual 'ah, ok, well here's my number, see ya in 10' after a few texts. As that usually ends in not all that much; fine if that was what you were going for.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#351. I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner. Although I do think it's reasonable to try to learn early on what you're looking for, this idea that we should all be dramatically expanding our dating pool to find the perfect person is abominable. Look at a city with a massive population of eligible young people, like say NYC..…
Re: #2 - you are also far more malleabele in your 20s.
Perfect matches are perfect because people change, yield and adjust to each other's quirks. The older you are the less flex there is. It's really quite simple.
This also related to #1 - a prerequisite for making a good match is the willigness to change. However a large pool of choices entices one to search a bit more for a match that requires less change, making it hard/er to try and commit to what might be already in place.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#361. I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner. Although I do think it's reasonable to try to learn early on what you're looking for, this idea that we should all be dramatically expanding our dating pool to find the perfect person is abominable. Look at a city with a massive population of eligible young people, like say NYC..…
To put it in terms that might be more familiar around here, obsessing over finding the right partner is like believing that a successful startup is mostly about finding the right idea. (And from there, it will just work out on its own...) Sure, some ideas are more likely to work out a priori, but your success is going to be dramatically influenced by the amount of work you're willing to put into it, your willingness to learn, change, and grow along the way. I'm inclined to believe that there are tons of people with whom most of us could be compatible, and each would open onto a different future and a different version of you. If you want a long-term partner, choose someone who feels promising, bring all you've got--intellect, emotions, empathy, humility--to the relationship, and stick with it.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#371. I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner. Although I do think it's reasonable to try to learn early on what you're looking for, this idea that we should all be dramatically expanding our dating pool to find the perfect person is abominable. Look at a city with a massive population of eligible young people, like say NYC..…
What does getting married, have to do with sharing your early adulthood with a person?
Does this really have to be explained?
Persumably you want to get married because you want to share your life with somebody else. If you don't start sharing until you're 40, you've already missed the opportunity to share what are almost certainly the most transformative and significant years of your life. Of course this doesn't mean a later marriage can't be happy and successful too... but it does involve missing out on things that some people care a lot about.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#38This was a very insightful read for me, where I introspected and identified a lot of things I had done wrong myself in relationships. That said, it was also kind of depressing. It seems that one of the greatest unsolved challenges of life is efficient matchmaking, and despite all the technology poured into it we are nowhere close to having a good solution.
Swipe-apps (latest generation of matchmaking) are completely shallow and almost entirely based on appearance and no other factors which leads them to be used for either hookups or entertainment.
Profile-based apps lead to box-checking behaviors, incentivizing people to look for "scan-tron partners" as the article calls its.
Personalized matchmaking services are expensive, time-consuming, and are limited to the pool of people willing to invest that amount of time and spend that amount of money, which is not that many folks.
This is one problem area I'd love to see some new startups address in a serious manner.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#39Earlier quoted context omitted.
And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children... It actually really bugged me how having children was a forgone conclusion in this article.
Unfortunately most people are still stuck in the mindset that everyone who isn't broken inside wants children. I've never wanted children at any point in my life, but I'm wrong apparently.
I'm not saying that you'll end up the same, but I didn't want kids until I met my wife. Before I didn't, and suddenly I did.
Everyone's different, but the right person can cause quite a bit of change in your life.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#401. I have always hated the notion that having a happy marriage is about filtering through many candidates to find the one perfect partner. Although I do think it's reasonable to try to learn early on what you're looking for, this idea that we should all be dramatically expanding our dating pool to find the perfect person is abominable. Look at a city with a massive population of eligible young people, like say NYC..…
To put it in terms that might be more familiar around here, obsessing over finding the right partner is like believing that a successful startup is mostly about finding the right idea. (And from there, it will just work out on its own...) Sure, some ideas are more likely to work out a priori, but your success is going to be dramatically influenced by the amount of work you're willing to put into it, your willingness…
This is a great point. I would recommend this video by the school of life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltM5qYn25w. It basically delves a little into why our ideas or romance and love are perhaps not the best way to look at these things.