So many people not getting the joke here. This article is a send-off of the idea that PHP is "just easy" anymore, but frankly, misses its shot.
Of course it's complex when you introduce complexity. So is anything by definition. If you don't want to do complex things, you're fine. But if you want to have a database, have a framework abstract away the truly dangerous and boring shit, use a modern, type-safe version of Javascript, write CSS in something approaching a maintainable fashion, and deliver a responsive, reactive site, you'll have to do something like this, regardless of language.
Also, the author neglected to set up database migrations, to say nothing of a Dockerfile.