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Married to someone with anxiety

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Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#31

Post by rublev »

alexashka wrote: post #23
rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

Everyone adjusts to somebody else - it's not gross at all :) That's just every human relationship I've ever heard of. It sounds like you're inside your head a lot - I'd suggest finding extremely simple activities you enjoy - like going for a walk 2x/day. When you don't walk around outside and get some sun - you won't feel so good. I've relatively recently moved from a busy downtown corner to a quiet place by a huge p…

Yeah man thanks.

>People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you.

That's difficult to believe because it doesn't match up to my reality. I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something like making music or exercising or whatever, which is impossible in my current state.

I agree about the sun and walks absolutely, I also need to move. Used to live in a condo with concrete walling where I couldn't hear a single neighbour ever, combined with living 30 floors above street level, it was basically heaven. Moved into a first floor place where the walls are paper thin. I hear everything. The business below me 9 hours a day, my friend, the 6 lane street about 15 meters to my left, and especially the sirens, oh god the sirens.

I think the girl, combined with moving back into a condo in a less busy area will do me heaps actually.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#32

Post by ZeroFries »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

Those days you feel good and in control are the days your cortex is strong. You want to increase the strength of the inhibitory cortex and reduce the loudness of your screaming amygdala. I think you can do this over time, it just takes a lot of work, like you say.

Edit: Reading your other posts, your lifestyle sucks for health, no offense. You need to be eating to keep up blood sugar to your brain to keep your cortex going strong.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#33

Post by robinson7d »

dominotw wrote: post #27

>We also made big and brave decisions like my wife quitting her exhausting job up in London and her retraining to work with young people in a college environment — stressful, but local. Looks like now that guy is mainly responsible for all the stress and anxiety of mortgage and family finances. Brave decision indeed, at least form his side, hope he doesn't catch that horrible illness too. There is some evidence that…

I think you may have meant de-stress, rather than "They will instantly distress you with their chill vibe.", as amusing as the idea of recommending cats to instantly send people into distress is!

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#34

Post by dominotw »

robinson7d wrote: post #33
dominotw wrote: post #27

>We also made big and brave decisions like my wife quitting her exhausting job up in London and her retraining to work with young people in a college environment — stressful, but local. Looks like now that guy is mainly responsible for all the stress and anxiety of mortgage and family finances. Brave decision indeed, at least form his side, hope he doesn't catch that horrible illness too. There is some evidence that…

I think you may have meant de-stress, rather than "They will instantly distress you with their chill vibe.", as amusing as the idea of recommending cats to instantly send people into distress is!

oops. you are right. thank you.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#35

Post by dominotw »

thro32 wrote: post #4

I was married to such person for 8 years. I physically aged 40 years, and I got gray hair. My best advice is to get out NOW if you can. Maybe things are working out now, but you are barely floating. Add normal family life into picture: children, job loss, some injury, any sort of accident... and you will sink to bottom faster than a stone.

Not sure why you are being downvoted. Curious, was you wife working during these 8 years?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#36

Post by benibela »

I have holes in a few of my clothes.

Today I went to a shop selling needles/yarn/wool/.., so I could fix them. I arrived at the shop, was too anxious to enter and left again.

Guess the holes will have to stay.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#37

Post by Broken_Hippo »

physcab wrote: post #5

Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…

"One piece of advice I have for you is to not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship"

So much this. My first husband was schizo-affective. I often felt I was in the role of caregiver and part-time mental health professional, all while trying to work to supoprt us both. And this was while he had medications to help him and very regular psychiatrist appointments.

Looking back, I should have insisted that I was ill-prepared to do all the stuff. I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well, and asked for more help from the mental health services, possibly wellness checks and other such things. It is so much easier to say this stuff now in my late 30's than it was in my early to mid 20's, however.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#38

Post by Frondo »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

Man, shitty situation. I hope you can find some help, either from books or professionals or the internet or a spiritual practice or whatever, because that's no way to live and you deserve a better life and inner world.

One thing here did jump out at me: "... I can either lie to make him feel better or tell him what's actually up and potentially lower his quality of life and instill in him a similar amount of anxiety ..."

Talk to him. Assume he has good emotional boundaries, and can hear what you have to say without taking on your suffering. Your emotional state isn't his, and he may have quite a different reaction than you would in his shoes.

Good luck man.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#39

Post by Broken_Hippo »

rublev wrote: post #31
alexashka wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everyone adjusts to somebody else - it's not gross at all :) That's just every human relationship I've ever heard of. It sounds like you're inside your head a lot - I'd suggest finding extremely simple activities you enjoy - like going for a walk 2x/day. When you don't walk around outside and get some sun - you won't feel so good. I've relatively recently moved from a busy downtown corner to a quiet place by a huge p…

Yeah man thanks. >People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you. That's difficult to believe because it doesn't match up to my reality. I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something like making music or exercising or whatever, which is impossible in my current state. I agree about the sun…

"I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something..."

I very much understand this statement. I think that's why I don't have more social contact - nothing to say, really. I mean, I think a lot, but it doesn't seem to match up with the sorts of things people talk about. And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting.

My spouse, though, I can talk to him for hours. About the world, about sillyness, about art. It works out, and he encourages me to do different things. He fills the place of your girl for me, I think, and reflecting on that:

I'm very happy you found at least one person to connect with. Much luck to you in your future, with all the hopes that it improves over the stuff you've had to deal with.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#40

Post by GavinMcG »

Ended wrote: post #8

> More evenings with no sleep, coupled with a 4 hour commute (both ways) means she is exhausted. This stood out to me - I cannot imagine the detrimental effect that 8 hours commuting per day has on one's mental health. I'm glad she was able to change jobs.

I think it would say "each way" if it totaled to 8. "Both ways" suggests to me that it's cumulative.
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