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China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

nytimes.com

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Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#31

Post by fhe »

rdslw wrote: post #10

Hard to believe this is something more than 'wannabe business PR' plus movie PR. China female/male ratio is heavily unbalanced. There is a LOT men on market for women to choose. Also almost no foreign woman marry chinese man, on the contrary to the chinese women marrying a lot of foreigners. 1+2 means china is a market where men are at bad position and women has plenty of fish to choose from. Opposite situation which…

while the skewed sex ratio is true, lumping all of China together is misleading. The sex ratio is quite balanced in cities, for example, meaning that women living in cities don't quite enjoy the advantage.

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#32

Post by branchless »

ripitrust wrote: post #20

I doubt that this will ever work in countries other than China because women (and marriage) in other countries are mostly protected by law, while in china, women are not so well protected. Also, culturally speaking, a divorced woman is very hard to get marriage in China. While a divorced man is easy. In society, People think that "divorce" somehow depreciated the value of a woman, while "divorce" means nothing (somet…

surely the one child policy will give women an upper hand in the coming 20 years?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_China#/media/F...

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#33

Post by ripitrust »

rdslw wrote: post #10

Hard to believe this is something more than 'wannabe business PR' plus movie PR. China female/male ratio is heavily unbalanced. There is a LOT men on market for women to choose. Also almost no foreign woman marry chinese man, on the contrary to the chinese women marrying a lot of foreigners. 1+2 means china is a market where men are at bad position and women has plenty of fish to choose from. Opposite situation which…

You are in fact very right, but there is one critical issue here. If we are talking about marriage. Culturally there is a "lifespan" of value to both genders. A Man's valuable lifespan can be well over 20 years, from age 20 all the way to age 40.While a woman's valuable lifespan maybe only less than 10 years, from 20 to 30.

This is because of the "stake" people are seeking when looking for a marriage between genders. Women are seeking wealth, social status, personality and whatever it may take to maintain a stable marriage ( family). While men, in most cases, are looking for prettiness, good-looking or whatever superficial. This kind of value lifespan and marriage purpose mismatch is the whole problem of marriage issues in China.

A divorced, less pretty (compare to those in 20s), mid-aged woman is very hard to find another marriage. Even if they did not even marry before, it is still hard for them. A lot of women in China who are well-educated, well-paid, in their 30s still have problems in finding partners (This is what Chinese society called sheng nu, or "women that left behind":https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheng_nu).

Statistically speaking, women are indeed more than men, but the mating process is not statistic.

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#34

Post by ctvo »

Illniyar wrote: post #4

What's the point though? Wouldn't the husband just end up with a different mistress? I mean they do not resolve the problems in the marriage that led to the situation. Do these women believe it's a one time thing? or that that specific mistress is special?

The distinction is probably lost, but a mistress is someone the husband has emotional feelings for (and what scares the wives is their ability to manipulate their husbands). It takes time to find someone like that and build up a new side relationship. It could happen again, but they're hoping not quickly.

This is different from sleeping with escorts and other transactional women, which a lot of wives are comfortable with and attribute it to the way business works (taking clients out drinking, etc.).

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#35

Post by ajmurmann »

chii wrote: post #5
sanxiyn wrote: post #3

The key paragraph, in my opinion: "One response to marital infidelity is divorce. But divorce can be costly, especially for women. Aside from the social stigma that falls more heavily on women, family property and finances in China tend to be registered in the husband's name. A divorced woman can find herself homeless, adding to the pressure of taking measures to save the marriage."

it's interesting that in the west, divorce usually means the women gets half the networth of the man, in which case, it's the man who normally don't want to divorce.

Unless the wife has higher income in which case the husband benefits. Or maybe they even earn similar incomes...

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#36

Post by ajmurmann »

ctvo wrote: post #34
Illniyar wrote: post #4

What's the point though? Wouldn't the husband just end up with a different mistress? I mean they do not resolve the problems in the marriage that led to the situation. Do these women believe it's a one time thing? or that that specific mistress is special?

The distinction is probably lost, but a mistress is someone the husband has emotional feelings for (and what scares the wives is their ability to manipulate their husbands). It takes time to find someone like that and build up a new side relationship. It could happen again, but they're hoping not quickly. This is different from sleeping with escorts and other transactional women, which a lot of wives are comfortable…

Escorts are considered part of how business is done in China?

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#37

Post by matt_wulfeck »

> Weiqing eventually ended the affair, she said, by persuading the other woman to take a higher-paying job in another city. “I don’t care how that woman is living now,’’ Ms. Wang said. “I just feel relieved that my husband is back.’’

This makes me sad because the issue is not "fixed", it's just lost one of its symptoms.

If you speak to enough people who have been married for a "long time" you realize they have been through some really hard stuff. It takes an extreme amount of work and forgiveness from both sides. I can't picture success with just one party being interested in staying together.

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#38

Post by chongli »

branchless wrote: post #32
ripitrust wrote: post #20

I doubt that this will ever work in countries other than China because women (and marriage) in other countries are mostly protected by law, while in china, women are not so well protected. Also, culturally speaking, a divorced woman is very hard to get marriage in China. While a divorced man is easy. In society, People think that "divorce" somehow depreciated the value of a woman, while "divorce" means nothing (somet…

surely the one child policy will give women an upper hand in the coming 20 years? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_China#/media/F...

No, because even though there may be fewer young, attractive women due to the policy there are still hardly any wealthy, single men, comparatively speaking.

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#39

Post by shubhamjain »

Another point that is missing here is, in many cultures, women are reluctant to consider any fault in their husbands. Cheating? Fault of the mistress. Domestic violence? Fault of herself. Coming from India, I have seen this happening countless times where women would never see anything wrong with their spouse even in worst cases.

This may seem horrifying but it is often a result when women are brought up to be good obeying wives, be great mothers and religiously do household duties.

Re: China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’

#40

Post by maguowei »

ripitrust wrote: post #20

I doubt that this will ever work in countries other than China because women (and marriage) in other countries are mostly protected by law, while in china, women are not so well protected. Also, culturally speaking, a divorced woman is very hard to get marriage in China. While a divorced man is easy. In society, People think that "divorce" somehow depreciated the value of a woman, while "divorce" means nothing (somet…

I am a Chinese. as far as I know, even the relatively backward rural areas currently divorce has become more common. I d'not know what is progress?
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