31–40 of 125 posts
There is "wrong person for you" and "wrong person for anyone ". The latter, you must avoid at all costs.
What's the difference? If he/she is wrong for you, who cares if he/she isn't right for someone else? Very little consolation (if any) if he/she turns out to be the right person for someone else.
The wrong person for anyone will destroy your life.
Three notes I would add: 1) In response to the "know yourself" bullet: I met my now wife at 15 - we learned a lot about ourselves between then and when we married at age 22. But we were pretty much committed to marrying by age 18, even though we learned a lot after. You can learn with another person. 2) Life pro tip on understanding other people (this is a quick reinforcement of a bunch of points in the article): if…
Here's an uncomfortable thought: an effective 1-to-1 mapping between men and women probably doesn't exist. The fact of the matter is that women are primarily interested in a top smaller percentage of high value men (this is called hypergamy). This smaller group of desirable men would most like to have multiple mates (this is called polygamy). Marriage, and the accompanying culture and customs, 'corrects' this by tryi…
Therefore it shouldn't be unexpected that women who didn't get to marry the alpha male, are unhappy and eventually want out.
I searched the article and found only one mention of "money". My hypothesis is that libido mismatch and inability to reach consensus on household budgeting are the two strongest root causes for failed marriages.
There was distinct libido mismatch which ultimately deteriorated into an effective 'weapon', if you will (if you do this, you won't get that, kind of thing). Money was never a problem. I suspect money is Often used as convenient excuse hiding something more sinister (or prosaic like in my case, we just never loved one another )
If you're broke and sexually unfulfilled, that's not going to last.
There is "wrong person for you" and "wrong person for anyone ". The latter, you must avoid at all costs.
I don't think it matters much if someone is the wrong person for anyone. They are just as dangerous as the wrong person for yourself. If you are allergic to cats or peanuts who cares that other people enjoy them?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
>but at the end of the day they think they ought to have a better mate, and are fed up with their current one I don't know if this is true across the board. I don't feel that way entirely, more along the lines of "I'm stuck in this situation; kids, a marriage where I get no real benefit, I just want to be free and do what I want and not have to bow to their whims." I know several people, right now, that have been div…
Maybe an age thing, hormones do die down I hear! But I doubt these people you're talking about (yourself included) are all celibate though. > "I'm stuck in this situation; kids, a marriage where I get no real benefit, I just want to be free and do what I want and not have to bow to their whims." Unless you're celibate, then this is equivalent to wanting to be with another mate, as that is what will happen. Not to dis…
this was a lot of rambling nonsense
Earlier quoted context omitted.
"The fact of the matter is that people become unhappy in a relationship of any kind when they think they are getting the short end of the stick, and could be doing better." This is such a pithy statement, used with such simple compelling force, that I applaud it even while disagreeing. Some points that counter this message: 1) What percentage of partners that end up leaving the marriage do so with another partner lin…
Thanks, I've been working on my over-the-top writing style as it sparks discussion and draws attention. > 1) What percentage of partners that end up leaving the marriage do so with another partner lined up? According to [1], surveys show that 55% of people say infidelity is a contributing factor in the divorce. And that's probably just the ones that know (as it is often kept a secret), so we can take this number as a…
Ah, but I think this concedes too much! The thrust of your argument is basically that we can boil down this very complex web of variables that make up the decision tree to seek a divorce to a cold calculation of, "Can I do better?" Were you to model this behavior in some simulation you would see people exiting and entering relationships very quickly based upon the speed of calculation.
But the actual calculation of whether to seek a divorce is not so simple. It is a complex web of interacting considerations and "rationalizations" that do battle with the impulse you would boil it all down to.
Does this impulse exist? Absolutely. Does it win out in many circumstances? Absolutely. Is every divorce ultimately a simple case of this impulse winning out over other considerations? I think that goes too far. And what about all those cases where the impulse does not win out? Would you reduce all of those to the calculation returning, "No, I don't think I could do better!?"
Regardless, the story of why people divorce is much more complicated and rich than this simple impulse to look around and see greener grass.
Three notes I would add: 1) In response to the "know yourself" bullet: I met my now wife at 15 - we learned a lot about ourselves between then and when we married at age 22. But we were pretty much committed to marrying by age 18, even though we learned a lot after. You can learn with another person. 2) Life pro tip on understanding other people (this is a quick reinforcement of a bunch of points in the article): if…
Yes, same goes for my brother, but I don't know how much of it relies on premise, that they can't live without each other anymore, because their life's are so entangled. I mean he is 31 and they came together when he was 16 and she was 15. They experienced their whole adult life together. They split for about 4 months but came together again, probably because of this. On the other hand, I'm the complete opposite, so…
Edit: I am also santaclause33, I had a different account logged in on mobile when I made the first post.