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The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

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Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#291

Post by munificent »

fnord77 wrote: post #137
munificent wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> after a few trips without disaster 100%. Exposure therapy is the cure for anxiety. I have a personal hunch that part of the massive rise in anxiety in the world is explained by many of us no longer being regularly forced outside of our comfort zones. Before the Internet and smartphones, we were obligated to go into the unknown much more often. It was a constant mandatory exposure therapy. Today, I can't remember th…

> Exposure therapy is the cure for anxiety. Except when it is not. Exposure can make an autistic person's anxiety worse.

I didn't say "exposure", I said "exposure therapy". A good therapy is designed with the patient in mind.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#292

Post by hypeatei »

et-al wrote: post #143
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

> Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Some of the negativity is because many people out there were used to this slower way of living only for capitalist techbros to optimize every waking moment everything and hasten the rat race. So now the only people who can sit idly at a cafe would be those who've already have a few million in the bank. It'…

Sitting with your own thoughts is privileged now? Interesting. I'll keep this in mind until there is seven digits in my bank account.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#293

Post by skirmish »

moffkalast wrote: post #97

> There were a few moments I put my hand into my pocket to take out my phone to look up something I was curious about. My phone wasn’t there. > I smiled. Every. Single. Time. > On the second day, I randomly walked into a neighborhood café. I ordered an americano with a double shot of espresso. And then I paid for the coffee with my pho- oh fuck.

It happened to me several times for real. Credit cards not accepted for charges below $15; cash in my wallet $4.05. Next I spend 30 minutes trying to install my bank app with a horrible cell connection so that I can use Zelle to send that $6 payment for coffee. The barista thinks I am a bum.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#294

Post by dwaltrip »

bradlys wrote: post #247
Tagbert wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself. This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30 minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better and you feel better. Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consum…

People talk about this with exercise and I’ve never understood it. As someone who has exercised continuously for years - it has never gotten better. Which, to me, makes sense because you’re supposed to always be pushing yourself. You’re not supposed to ever feel comfortable or feel better from it. You should always feel shitty because if it doesn’t hurt then you’re probably not making optimal development. The only th…

You gotta give yourself a bit more slack. We all deserve to rest and go slow now and then. What's the point of living if you can't take a break?

We are chaotic and beautiful bundles of dozens of trillions of cells that evolved over 4 billion years. We breath. We feel. We are alive. We aren't math problems that need to be "solved" or "optimized".

> Which, to me, makes sense because you’re supposed to always be pushing yourself. You’re not supposed to ever feel comfortable or feel better from it. You should always feel shitty because if it doesn’t hurt then you’re probably not making optimal development.

You are way too demanding of yourself my friend :(

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#295

Post by safety1st »

unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

Stillness isn't only enjoyable (for some), it's incredibly valuable. Stoicism and Buddhism both talk a lot about it and they're not the only ones. I make a point of sitting comfortably and doing nothing with no stimuli for 5-10 minutes every morning.

Inevitably when you're still with no distractions, your subconscious starts surfacing various thoughts. There is a random element to what pops into your head, but there will also be patterns. Just sitting there and observing, and maybe asking yourself a few questions about what emerges, is an incredible way to become aware of your emotional state, stay grounded to your goals, and remember what truly matters to you. This exercise frequently reorders my plans for the rest of the day.

There's also value in stillness when you're in public or with other people. Just shutting up and taking in your surroundings for 30-60 seconds is kind of like a mini superpower, you start noticing little things that other people don't see. Many of the little decisions you make automatically throughout the day get better if you just, y'know, sit there and think about them quietly for 1 minute. You end up going to a better restaurant, or remembering to call a loved one, because you simply took a moment to just pause and reflect.

It's the best thing in the world really. All this mindfulness stuff has profound benefits.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#296

Post by hypeatei »

llmslave2 wrote: post #27

I'm realizing the only time I'm not stimulated is when I'm driving or when I go for my daily walk. My mom was right man, it's these damn phones...

Driving is the opposite of relaxing to me but I guess it is just you and your thoughts most of the time.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#297

Post by dwaltrip »

johnisgood wrote: post #242
Tagbert wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself. This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30 minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better and you feel better. Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consum…

I end up being consumed by depressive thoughts and lots of body scanning. I hate it.

Sounds like your body is telling you something?

Time to find support that you trust and face whatever is going on under the hood.

For me, the three major turning points were quitting my job, later starting somatic therapy with the right therapist, and then finally getting diagnosed with ADHD. Good luck to you :) wish you the best

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#299

Post by socalgal2 »

senbrow wrote: post #286
bradlys wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People talk about this with exercise and I’ve never understood it. As someone who has exercised continuously for years - it has never gotten better. Which, to me, makes sense because you’re supposed to always be pushing yourself. You’re not supposed to ever feel comfortable or feel better from it. You should always feel shitty because if it doesn’t hurt then you’re probably not making optimal development. The only th…

It seems very likely to me that the sensations experienced during exercise are highly variable among individuals. I say this because my experience is very different from yours: I get a very perceptible "high" once I get into the rhythm of a good workout. Think mild euphoria, mood lift, and general feeling of "rightness" in my body once it's been well wrung. This only happens if I'm in decent shape, though. If I've fa…

A friend told me he was addicted to running because he literally got high from it. I said, running hurt for me. He said it used to for him too. I asked how long until it stopped hurting. He said 2 YEARS!!!!

There's no way I'm going to run for 2 years on the hope that one day it will stop hurting and get enjoyable.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#300

Post by robocat »

exe34 wrote: post #177
Tagbert wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself. This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30 minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better and you feel better. Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consum…

> You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. I had to sit still a lot as a child, since I wasn't allowed to have friends or go anywhere. I read a lot, but a lot of the time I was to tired or bored to read, so I'd just defocus my eyes, and disappear into my imagination. It would look like I'm reading, so I wouldn't get punished. In hindsight I'm not sure it's terribly healthy, as I now…

> I now find it impossible to put up with boring people (which is basically everybody who has time to sit around chatting, almost by definition).

You're being judgemental to call them boring. Plus widening your opinions to be a "definition" sounds like an unhealthy worldview. You likely appear boring to others.

Then again I have a saying I use when anyone says they are bored - I say they are boring!

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