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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#291

Post by sanderjd »

mym1990 wrote: post #88
sanderjd wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nailed it. I was going to say that I think more of us should be figuring out how to make connections with the people in the communities we live in. But I do think moving might make sense for lots of people (maybe including me), in order to have a better local community. Instead of moving to be close to past or current friends, I might suggest we should be moving to places where people are like-minded about valuing a…

I don't really understand where Zillow even factors into your assessment here, but maybe that is part of the problem. If people are looking for close knit communities on Zillow, that is a massive mistake. Tight and close knit communities are not just going to let you join them. You have to basically commit to fostering those relationships for years and years, and generally speaking that kind of commitment is not gett…

"Zillow" was a metaphor for the point that you can't just find neighborhoods and communities like this by searching online. Which I think is pretty much your point as well!

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#292

Post by cultofmetatron »

dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

first time I went to latin america, I fell in love with the innate closeness everyone seems to have. ya'll so friendly I keep finding excuses to down to colombia.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#293

Post by wholinator2 »

dukeyukey wrote: post #270
dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

The ironic thing is that Latin Americans are largely descended from people who left one continent and set up a new life literally a continent away. Like, your ancestors were the kind of people to sail thousands of miles to create a new life.

I mean, can't we say that about basically everyone except the people in the African plains/the fertile crescent? The whole species is descended at some point from people who moved away from where they were born

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#294

Post by Apocryphon »

phil21 wrote: post #288
nox101 wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

what is your definition of "high trust society". I don't consider the USA a high trust society having lived in Japan and Singapore. In Japan and Singapore, I trust that others won't steal my stuff. I trust that I won't be mugged. I trust that my packages won't be stolen. I trust that my car will not be broken into. In the USA and Europe I trust none of that. I've had cars broken into 5 times, bikes stolen 5 times, ca…

The US is slowly (rapidly?) devolving into a low-trust society. What used to be pockets of low-trust are spreading rapidly by my estimation. It's been sad to watch it slowly get worse every year. It goes for all things, not just petty/street crime though. Everything from business owners not prioritizing doing good work and building local reputation, employees slacking off as much as possible, investors demanding extr…

The U.S. is an extremely litigious society. Even when Lincoln was a young professional, he had the frontier job of… attorney. So there’s something to that which bares examining when discussing how trust gets built and reinforced in American culture. (Probably something about settler culture and property rights and the only way to resolve disagreements about it via the law.)

One wonders how much of the high trust was a product of the immense prosperity unlocked by industrialization, some ameliorating reforms during the Progressive Era that mitigated the excesses of the Gilded Era, the New Deal, and postwar victory.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#295

Post by bluGill »

amanaplanacanal wrote: post #234
grumpy-de-sre wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's easy to blame the decline of organized religion, but it curiously coincides with the same time-frame in which the car was invented and modern suburbia sprung up. Having to move to allow for a family is definitely a new and worrying phenomenon. My gut feel is that having to maintain close family ties and living with parents until adulthood are an adaption to poverty, poor social mobility, and low trust society. P…

I suspect close family ties and living with parents was the default throughout human prehistory. Our Hunter-gatherer ancestors were probably not leaving their tribe behind and moving away. It's only since the industrial revolution that people have been leaving their birth family behind en mass.

From what I can tell (though this varied by culture!) free first born males stayed with the parents. Females were often traded to other tribes (both as war spoils and more peaceful ways). Free second and later sons often discovered the family land couldn't support them and their older brothers families and left looking for anyplace to live (often resulting in war which in turned eased population pressure, though sometimes a city job existed though they were worse than farming until the industrial revolution). Slaves of course had no control of where the children went. The sexism above was real, though how is manifested varied from culture to culture with some worse than others (sometimes it was the oldest female who stayed home).

Genetic diversity requires someone leave their family and join a different one. How that happened varied but nearly every culture recognized siblings having children together resulted in deformed kids and thus developed a culture to prevent that. Every culture includes other animals.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#296

Post by goodpoint »

bluGill wrote: post #289
jhardy54 wrote: post #259

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Atheism is not a religion – it’s simply the absence of belief in gods. Religions involve organized systems of practices, rituals, and doctrines, none of which apply to atheism. Not believing in something doesn’t make it a belief system, just like not collecting stamps isn’t a hobby.

Atheism has a large component of refute the existence of God, make practice of region hard for those who are religion and so on. There is the I don't believe in God and I'm not interested in anything more. However there are a lot of vocal Atheists who have turned it into a religion with practices, rituals and doctrines around proving there is no God and thus I elevate that to a religion. You can choose where you want…

> rituals and doctrines around proving there is no God

Please provide evidence to substantiate this claim.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#297

Post by wholinator2 »

brightball wrote: post #247
dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

Agree with this 100%. It’s so much easier to have kids if your parents live nearby to help too. Root cause is moving for work IMO.

Yes and since a majority of college goers now see it as a job mill (that's what it is for most) the move for college is also just a preemptive move for work

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#298

Post by bluGill »

lazide wrote: post #238
bluepizza wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We tend to be pushed towards immigration because of a lack of safety, of growth opportunities, and no hope that things will get any better. With that in mind, if Latin America had safety, I suspect at least half of the immigrants wouldn't leave, especially the ones who are able to hold a middle class job. Most of us would live in a lower standard of life if it allowed to stay close to friends and family. But not bein…

More $$$ is a strong motivator. Latin American tends to be unsafe (physically), but the money probably plays a bigger motivating factor. Remittances and ‘doing it for the family back home’ are common themes.

The children of that immigrants are growing up and seem to have less concern about the cousins back in the old country - their home is the US as are all their friends. The people back in the old country are interesting but not really relevant.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#299

Post by themacguffinman »

motorest wrote: post #241
grumpy-de-sre wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In Anglo cultures kids aren't usually moving away from home until they are at least ~18 years old. This is not a factor in teenagers feeling isolated. Suburbia and the decline of third places probably play a far greater role in this demographic. It's a common trope on here to lament on how the Anglo cultures don't value family ties strongly enough. I'd argue not overly valuing family ties has been a big competitive a…

> It's a common trope on here to lament on how the Anglo cultures don't value family ties strongly enough. I'd argue not overly valuing family ties has been a big competitive advantage of the Anglo cultures for centuries, eg. moving for opportunity (improved social mobility), ability to connect with outsiders, couple pairing across cultural/geographical boundaries, prerequisite to a high trust society, etc. That line…

"anglo cultures" already had quite a lead before WW2, hard to miss that the previous superpower was the British Empire. The outcome of WW2 elevated America, there's no relationship there to broader anglo culture.

Quite a stretch to jump to "everyone might be miserable". Immigration from Latin American and other non-anglo countries is on a scale where it shapes American and British domestic politics, difficult to conclude that those immigrants are searching for the misery of anglo cultures that they can't find at home.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#300

Post by goodpoint »

almostvindiesel wrote: post #65

100% this. Started out with two families buying houses near each other in a family centric LA neighborhood (Eagle Rock). Then it expanded to 3 --> 4 --> 5 all within walking distance. We all have similar aged children. It's magic. We watch each others kids, do frequent backyard/park/sleepover playdates, and help w dropoff/pickup. It makes parenting SO MUCH EASIER. I often joke that I'm not a real parent bc we have so…

Turns out that humans have been right for the last 100.000 years and it takes a village to raise a kid.
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