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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#291

Post by chefandy »

chefandy wrote: post #221
apwell23 wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is really no tricks to do this, anyone who says otherwise is lying. We are not designed to "feel happy" we are designed to reproduce successfully . Don't strive to be happy all the time. I am sure even dalai lama has a nagging inner voice thats harshing his buzz all the time. All the stuff these folks preach is just entertainment. Inner voice has been conditioned by evolution, food, famine, floods, climate, cul…

That’s weirdly reductive. The point isn’t to feel persistently happy —happiness is fleeting— it's to not feel hopeless and inconsolably miserable. I’m chemically prone to depression— diagnoses and everything— and even at my most depressed I’ll still feel moments of happiness. It’s the pervasive lack of hope, vitality, and the ability to see what’s good in your life that’s dangerous. Feeling grateful might not be a si…

An addendum: not sure if you were speaking figuratively, but an inner voice constantly preoccupied with potential catastrophe (even at a small scale, like minor social embarrassment) is a pretty strong indicator of an anxiety problem, which is eminently treatable. Even for people that chafe at the prospect of medication and traditional talk therapy, CBT specialists can help you implement some practical mental tools in only a few visits without protracted emotional history explorations or anything resembling them. The technique has proven to get quick, meaningful results for everything from combat PTSD to ADHD to depression and beyond, and can be a fast path to achieving good mental hygiene. Anyone reading this who’s curious about their own anxiety level should find an online questionnaire by a reputable, specialized mental health organization (i.e. not buzzfeed, et al, a pharmaceutical company, or someone trying to sell you therapy) and be honest in your answers. You shouldn’t need to create a login or divulge any identifying information.

Re: Losing my son

#292

Post by dartharva »

77pt77 wrote: post #277
dartharva wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But.. what else can you even say? The alternative is remaining in misery for the rest of your life. And internalising your pain into a characteristic of your personality is among the worst ways to process it.

> But.. what else can you even say? The truth. That there is and never will be any solution.

That's still the same as "move on".

Re: Losing my son

#293

Post by kgool71 »

I lost my son three years ago last month and this resonates with me in ways I cannot imagine. I never expected to find this in this place today but I am both glad and sad that I did. "Unfathomable" is so painfully accurate.

Re: Losing my son

#294

Post by dartharva »

smeej wrote: post #249
dartharva wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But.. what else can you even say? The alternative is remaining in misery for the rest of your life. And internalising your pain into a characteristic of your personality is among the worst ways to process it.

No, the alternative is working through it, processing it, and integrating it into your story of yourself as something you've overcome. "Letting it go" lands the same as "excise it from your life," which isn't possible. Your body and your mind were shaped by it whether you wanted them to be or not. You have to find a way to integrate it or you'll just keep fighting a losing battle for the rest of your life.

Sorry, but "integrating it into your story" sounds a lot like forcing victimhood down yourself unnecessarily. It is unfair - both to the present and future you, and to everyone around you who had no hand in the tragedy. Wounds heal and leave behind negligible scars that don't hurt the same; they don't shape your body and mind unless you keep "processing" them and make them fester.

Re: Losing my son

#296

Post by xp84 »

smeej wrote: post #258
TheRealDunkirk wrote: post #203

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being grateful even for the losses that have brought the most sorrow, the two things at the very same time, has ripped me apart, but it's also been the only way through. Whether or not you express this sentiment as a Christian, this is a core tenet of the teachings. Despite being reminded of this by a close counselor in the beginning of my own tragedy, I have yet to fully come to terms with it. I know I need to, an…

I do express it as a Christian, and I don't believe I could any other way. After losing my sister and my nephew six years ago (today would have been her 36th birthday, actually), I tried mightily to come up with any other way through, and it just didn't, couldn't, happen. There's a line at the end of the book A Song for Nagasaki where he says, "For all that has been, thank you. To all that will be, yes." I think the…

That’s a beautiful line. Thank you for sharing it.

Re: Losing my son

#297

Post by Kronopath »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Chiming in to say that the Ballad of St. Halvor was one of the nicest poems I’ve read in a long while, and kind of inspirational. I think I really needed that.

Re: Losing my son

#298

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Where did you get that haunting image describing Elder Sophrony of Essex's quote? I love it. I love the tunnel of light juxtaposed with the abyss. And, of course, the simple table with tea.

Is the image copyrighted?

Re: Losing my son

#299

Post by dang »

exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

What you posted is not only a personal attack but a particularly shameful one. That violates the spirit of this site, especially the first comment guideline, which is first because it is the most important: "Be kind." (https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html).

To accost somebody experiencing devastating personal loss with a trolley argument, while the person is in shock and grief and barely beginning to process their experience, is about as unkind a thing to do on the internet as I can imagine.

All: please never post like this to Hacker News.

Re: Losing my son

#300

Post by pattesseriedude »

piuantiderp wrote: post #236
9991 wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Considering he is considering MDMA....

I am not considering to be precise. I don’t think there is any approved therapy or even a professional who will actually practice this safely. It’s an interesting study nonetheless.

If in the future psychedelics were approved as a treatment or if the studies with dosages suggested showed no harmful effects then it would be worth trying if the risks were extremely low and rewards high.

Remember SSRIs are approved and there was a thread on HN a long time ago that ssris side effects can permanently change brain chemistry (https://rxisk.org/post-ssri-sexual-dysfunction-pssd/)

The thing about trauma treatment is that the trauma is so overwhelming that the trade offs might be something that people some would be okay with.

I had also read a comment on HN once where the wife said her husband has lesser desire when on antidepressants but the quality of life is just better overall for him so he would rather keep taking them than go off them.

I am not running towards any quick fix. Some of the Reddit threads suggest marijuana as well. I don’t think it helps though I would be interested to know if it’s studied for trauma and if the results are promising.

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