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Write a note to your spouse every day

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Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#291

Post by the_gipsy »

krageon wrote: post #181
the_gipsy wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. The fact that he needs a servant-wife to be able to support his career is a red flag. Having so many children and spending so much time working also means he can't have meaningful relationships with all of them.

When one half of a relationship of two people does work you don't respect, that doesn't make them a servant. These are two human beings that have divided the work they have to do to live their life in this way. There's nothing wrong with that.

The majority of stay-at-home partners happen to be women. There is something wrong with that.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#292

Post by 3pt14159 »

em-bee wrote: post #271
3pt14159 wrote: post #262

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's kinda a long story, but there is a semi-well known poet in Toronto that writes poetry for hire and she works near a park that we both walk by with some frequency. I described how I felt about the person I was about to go on a date with, but told the poet not to write directly about my date, but to use it as inspiration for a story of some kind. I can't really describe how I knew it would go over well, but I knew…

i thought that poem was by a previous friend about you, but instead it was commissioned by you specifically for this date. that makes a lot more sense and is a rather lovely idea.

Aw, thank you :)

And I see the confusion about my previous response.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#293

Post by Shocka1 »

otikik wrote: post #163
the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

Children require a lot of time. I only have a single one, and I am already struggling with no time to do anything. I admit I am not the best at time management. With 4 children ... I can't even conceive how that would be. I would probably love them to death but would consider escaping into the wildness every night.

I feel ya. It took me a couple years to get used to having kids, but there is a point where I realized (as a very selfish person) my life was no longer about me. The little amount of time I get to myself anymore I cherish, just as much as the time I cherish with my children.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#294

Post by NetOpWibby »

wizofaus wrote: post #284
NetOpWibby wrote: post #281

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not that I didn't have one, it's that my mom lied to me about having one and was instead writing bad checks to the college. They didn't like checks bouncing so I had a few days to get off campus or else.

Believe it or not there was an outcry here when fees were introduced for tertiary education. But you pay them using a government-backed interest-free loan - I think it took me 6 or 7 years to pay off two degrees? Still, as I said, even if for whatever reason you attended lectures etc. without having paid for enrolment, nobody would care.

That’s amazing. I was attending an out-of-state university with no friends or family in the area so that wouldn’t have been an option.

I don’t regret what led me to the life I have now, I just wish it didn’t take as long to get here.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#295

Post by jason_slack »

prmoustache wrote: post #159
NotTameAntelope wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Eh, it doesn’t feel like work for me. I really enjoy my partner, she enjoys me, and I don’t think we have to do very much “work” to maintain that. If I started writing literal daily notes to my wife, she’d be very concerned something was wrong. Then she’d ask why I’m wasting my time writing a note when I could have done… literally annoying else more productive lol

> Eh, it doesn’t feel like work for me. I really enjoy my partner, she enjoys me, and I don’t think we have to do very much “work” to maintain that. For some people it isn't until it is. There are many things that can break a great relationship. Routine, lack of common projects, financial difficulties, personal struggle of one or both.

+1 here because my marriage is amazing but we do get stuck in routines, we have no common interests really except very small things, both have struggled with personal loss/grief and are currently experiencing financial difficulty.

It has been 16 years and somehow head to pillow every night still brings a smile to my face for this amazing woman being the love of my life.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#296

Post by Ntrails »

jrh206 wrote: post #242
Ntrails wrote: post #182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> No healthy relationship is going to include 400 daily poems. A bold and absolutist claim. The GPs relationship was clearly not healthy, but the idea that no healthy relationship could exist where there is a daily poem is kinda ridiculous?

It's a pretty good first order approximation. If you've written 400 daily poems and it doesn't seem to be having a positive effect, then it's certainly time to stop. If it's going well, then fair enough, you do you.

> If you've written 400 daily poems and it doesn't seem to be having a positive effect, then it's certainly time to stop.

I'd probably say stop at around 7 if not positive, because then it is just a weird week long gimmick...

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#297

Post by watwut »

ryanmercer wrote: post #165
watwut wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is impossible. Kids this small require childcare and minimum vage job does not pay for one. With such small salaries, one of them has to be home.

Yet there are single parents all over the United States working multiple jobs to get by. Childcare exists without paying some boutique daycare tens of thousands of dollars a year.

They dont have 4 kids under 6. Which is significant difference. Childcare for 1 or even 2 kids is much cheaper and easier to find then for 4 of various ages.

The single parents of toddlers working multiple jobs either pay for childcare or have whole network of familly members to help them. There is no way around the fact that toddler needs supervision incompatible with most of work.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#298

Post by watwut »

windowsrookie wrote: post #190
watwut wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is impossible. Kids this small require childcare and minimum vage job does not pay for one. With such small salaries, one of them has to be home.

I work in the restaurant industry and I can assure you it is not impossible because millions of Americans are doing it. Most of the time the child ends up with the grandparents while the parents work. That is if the grandparents are not working...

The grandparents are caring for 4 kids under 6 daily in millions of American families?

Also, most grandparents in fact are in working age when the grandkids are small. Some are sick, some never returned to work after kids grew, but quote a few always worked or returned to work. And even with those who are at home, asking them for daily babysitting of 4 kids is quite a lot.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#299

Post by duckydude20 »

i am so obsessed with writing notes. like, i literally document everything. like everything. it's not like writing diary at end of the day. it's like taking notes you are going through. i am so obsessed, i try to reach out for my mobiles as fast as possible something happen. it's like, i am writing what i am thinking... and it's only for one reason for my future partner, that's all. i want to share everything with her. no matter what... i know it's so much she can't even read everything. also, one i meet her, these notes will be redirected towards her, so kind of no notes, what better that direct convo with her even with messages.... :)

i am waiting so much........

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#300

Post by ajma »

astura wrote: post #203
the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

Women almost never willingly birth 4 kids in the span of 6 years without very strong outside influence. My guess here would be religion based on age (first kid at ~24). Either that or there's multiple multiple births. If their religion demands they have so many kids so quickly it's unlikely he helps out with the childrearing activities and leaves it to his wife, I'm which case his life is probably not very different…

Having kids close together is also a legitimate strategy for having closeness among siblings. Not a guarantee, but having them in a similar stage of development can help them play better together (older kids aren't always interesting in what younger kids are, also there are physical differences that can make sports no fun for older kids). There's a practical aspect here. Not for everyone and it also varies a lot based on the temperament of the children. The strong outside influence on my family to half multiple was that we were able to see a good number of examples of large (>=4 kids) families that were an example of what we wanted too.
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