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I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

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Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#291

Post by ectospheno »

slowroll wrote: post #277
otikik wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I could try to focus on my hobbies, but you realize very quickly that to get good at anything, you need hundreds/thousands of hours. The point of hobbies is not "getting good at them". It's enjoying them for their own sake. Otherwise they turn into ... work. > I'm just a blip in the universe and when I'm gone it will be unchanged, the same as if I had never existed. Yes. The Universe doesn't expect or have any spec…

It sounds like the idea of “the universe has no plan for you” really didn’t help considering you needed therapy

I’ve found that therapy is a bit like minecraft in that the people knocking it have almost certainly never tried it.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#292

Post by rubicon33 »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

I’m sure it doesn’t make you feel any better but I’m in the exact, same, boat.

I’ve decided to try to just chill out, and enjoy life as much as I can. Stop striving for crazy goals, and accept life for what it is - a lot of working, sleeping, spending time with family, occasionally traveling.

I do what I need to do to make that enjoyable, and stop worrying about making it better / more money / more prestige / etc. This is counter to the American ethos but I found that focussing on things mostly outside of my reach / luck sphere, was mostly just making me unhappy and rarely moving the needle in wealth or fulfillment. Focus on what you can, and forget the rest. Finding peace with this is easier said than done.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#293

Post by scrollbar »

slowroll wrote: post #277
otikik wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I could try to focus on my hobbies, but you realize very quickly that to get good at anything, you need hundreds/thousands of hours. The point of hobbies is not "getting good at them". It's enjoying them for their own sake. Otherwise they turn into ... work. > I'm just a blip in the universe and when I'm gone it will be unchanged, the same as if I had never existed. Yes. The Universe doesn't expect or have any spec…

It sounds like the idea of “the universe has no plan for you” really didn’t help considering you needed therapy

Looks like you're getting downvoted maybe because of the mean spirit of your comment, but your idea is probably held by many, to which I say:

Therapy can be such a powerful force for self-discovery and mental well-being. To think that believing a given philosophical statement can have the same effect as deep inner work is to completely write off the power of therapy. I would highly recommend it for anyone who has grown up in less-than-ideal social systems (pretty much all of us) and who wants to improve their life.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#294

Post by nonono1 »

otikik wrote: post #238
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

> I could try to focus on my hobbies, but you realize very quickly that to get good at anything, you need hundreds/thousands of hours. The point of hobbies is not "getting good at them". It's enjoying them for their own sake. Otherwise they turn into ... work. > I'm just a blip in the universe and when I'm gone it will be unchanged, the same as if I had never existed. Yes. The Universe doesn't expect or have any spec…

> The point of hobbies is not "getting good at them". It's enjoying them for their own sake. Otherwise they turn into ... work.

For some of us, the point of almost any endeavor in life is to be “good” at them. That isn’t even to say you can’t enjoy it, or you have to feel anxious about whether you’re good enough at it. The point is the go through the process of becoming good at the things you choose to do because we acknowledge that there is something beautiful and admirable about expertise.

Someone who feels dejected — because he can’t see the reason in doing something unless he’s already hit the requisite hours to be ‘good’ at it — probably needs to hear that he needs to unlearn whatever makes him feel bad about being ‘bad’ at the start, instead of hearing that it’s okay to suck at something as long as he enjoys it.

Otherwise, all you’re doing is trading one form of anxiety for another (I must be good at X vs. I must feel good about X), and he’s still going to notice that he sucks at the thing (playing guitar, golfing, whatever) and find difficulty enjoying it from there.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#295

Post by selimthegrim »

swat535 wrote: post #233
Draiken wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's noble, but for me it's once again... pointless. I don't have the money or power to enact any meaningful change. I can give my time or some money to others, but I'm not really fixing anything. I'm just drying ice. Maybe I'm not selfless enough? I've never tried anything like that, so that's at least something new. Might give it a try

Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta was once asked during an interview how did you manage to help so many people? Her reply was: "I just started with one person". You don't need to look far to find someone who is hungry; sure many people on this orange site may not be hungry of food but I bet there are many who starved of love. It really doesn't take much to offer an ear to someone in this lonely day and age. Perhaps it'…

I would be careful about mentioning Mother Teresa to anyone from Indian subcontinent.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#296

Post by selimthegrim »

randomsearch wrote: post #146
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

> What's the point of it? Live for others. You (and I) are incredibly fortunate. We have our basic needs taken care of. We have more than that. There are many, many, people in the world who have problems that you can help solve. That could be - spending time with a lonely elderly person, volunteering with the homeless, building a website for a charity that can't afford to pay for a great one, building a startup that…

“If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. If you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.“ - Lilla Watson

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#297

Post by selimthegrim »

screenbreakout wrote: post #278
mvdwoord wrote: post #251

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mother Teresa may not be the best example here.

Could you be more specific as to why? I'm sure you have a crunchy anecdote to share :-)

She basically did the bare minimum, and let people die in her places because suffering would make them see Jesus.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#298

Post by cl42 »

roci-ceres wrote: post #286
cl42 wrote: post #271

The young man, who does not know the future, sees life as a kind of epic adventure, an Odyssey through strange seas and unknown islands, where he will test and prove his powers, and thereby discover his immortality. The man of middle years, who has lived the future that he once dreamed, sees life as a tragedy; for he has learned that his power, however great, will not prevail against those forces of accident and natu…

how would one go about skipping directly to the thrid?

Unfortunately, I don't think you can. I think each phase builds on the prior one; the life experience informing the emotions you feel.

The tragic phase is a result of not living up to the unrealistic expectations one has, and the comedic phase is a result of dealing with those tragic emotions.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#299

Post by banannaise »

slowroll wrote: post #277
otikik wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I could try to focus on my hobbies, but you realize very quickly that to get good at anything, you need hundreds/thousands of hours. The point of hobbies is not "getting good at them". It's enjoying them for their own sake. Otherwise they turn into ... work. > I'm just a blip in the universe and when I'm gone it will be unchanged, the same as if I had never existed. Yes. The Universe doesn't expect or have any spec…

It sounds like the idea of “the universe has no plan for you” really didn’t help considering you needed therapy

Show me someone who doesn't need therapy and I'll show you someone who is delusional about the stability of their mental and emotional state.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#300

Post by agentwiggles »

code_runner wrote: post #253
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

A few hobbies are fun even before you’re good. Baking can be a lot of fun… start with super detailed recipes and pay attention to the details. Eventually you learn to improvise and pick up little bits and pieces of how the ingredients work together. Running/exercise is one with so many levels you can only truly compete with yourself to improve (and you’ll feel good). Music is one that is sooo difficult. You suck for…

Weightlifting has been one of the most satisfying pursuits I took up as an "adult". Progress is so quantifiable (the numbers go up). And the side benefits of greater fitness, physique, and general mental wellness are amazing.

The work itself isn't easy (it can be incredibly tough!), but it's also not complex. You just go to the gym and put in the work and you will make progress.

(I don't mean to say that it's simple exactly, there are plenty of places to make mistakes and get analysis paralysis, but progress can be made with extremely simple programming. Pick something battle tested and do the work and you almost can't go wrong.)

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