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Who Americans spend their time with, by age

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Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#291

Post by godshatter »

rootusrootus wrote: post #241
polka_haunts_us wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And then heaven forbid if you have different political views from them, especially in 2020. My mom treats me very weirdly, not because I actually voted for Trump, but because I don't spend my days ranting about how he's Satan incarnate like she does. My sister aligns politically with my mom and she moved to MONGOLIA to get away from her. I'm glad for people who truly like their families, but not all of us won that pa…

It is both fascinating and sad to watch. My family has split along political lines, with half despising Trump and half worshipping him. Each side hates the other sufficiently that we just avoid talking anymore, so it's like having two distinct families. I don't know the solution other than everyone agreeing not to talk politics, ever. And even better, actually deciding that politics is pretty insignificant and only s…

I don't know how to get there, but we need to somehow reacquire the notion that it's okay to like and interact with someone that you disagree with, politically or otherwise.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#292

Post by tyrust »

yboris wrote: post #235
GloriousKoji wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know this is highly subjective but what is a "good personal reason" for having kids?

On the moral side, there may be good reasons to be an anti-natalist ("Better Never to Have Been"). I think it depends on the quality of life ahead. If the earth was a utopia, I'd be more interested in having a child. A good personal reason to have a child, I think, is having an intense desire to have a child, and an intense desire to nurture and help your child grow into a good human being. I give at least 10% of my…

We've been going through this decision making process, as well. All of your points are good, there was just one I wanted to follow up on.

>I think that's a better use of my money than taking care of one human being.

I don't think this is necessarily true. Your child(ren) (and their child(ren) and their's, etc.) also have the potential to earn and donate money to effective causes. Those donations might end up greater than the ones you can accomplish in your own lifetime.

Of course, "net good to current and future humanity" is only one part of the equation.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#293

Post by an_opabinia »

frakt0x90 wrote: post #83
burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

I experienced this first hand when I visited my wife's family in Vietnam. All 10 or so of them live in homes side by side on the outskirts of Saigon. Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other. Every day was like a little party. It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. I have never experienced anything like that in the US. Of course having family literally at your doorstep has its…

> Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other

I am not passing judgement here. The women woke up in the morning and cooked for everyone else.

> It was so nice to have that much support around all the time.

People have written about this in books that are now almost four decades old. Everywhere women entered the workforce in a highly compensated way, this arrangement came to an end, the number of children went down, etc.

Of course on Hacker News, where maybe 9% or less of the commenters are women, there are people fondly writing about these pastorals where the women do all this crappy work. It's completely bonkers. Or it's the men who come from immigrant backgrounds, looking at photo albums of grandmas and grandpas in school, not admitting how rare it was for the average person, in the 50s, to go to college - that your family isn't average, it was rich in all the ways that mattered, even if in some superficial sense it was a destitute or hardscrabble life.

It's easy to explain the rise in time spent alone among the oldest Americans. You're really observing a trend in reduced dependence.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#294

Post by tubularhells »

an_opabinia wrote: post #293
frakt0x90 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I experienced this first hand when I visited my wife's family in Vietnam. All 10 or so of them live in homes side by side on the outskirts of Saigon. Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other. Every day was like a little party. It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. I have never experienced anything like that in the US. Of course having family literally at your doorstep has its…

> Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other I am not passing judgement here. The women woke up in the morning and cooked for everyone else. > It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. People have written about this in books that are now almost four decades old. Everywhere women entered the workforce in a highly compensated way, this arrangement came to an end, the number of childre…

This, all the way.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#296

Post by watwut »

mwfunk wrote: post #218
AlwaysRock wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The further I have moved from Family the more I have started to wish I was closer to them physically. Especially this year when our normal yearly gatherings were disrupted.

This is a well known phenomenon :) The best way to get closer to family is to move away, absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you want to have positive and constructive and long-lasting relationships with your family, move away from them, even if it's just an hour (whether that means an hour drive or a different time zone depends on the family).

Yeah. But it is not real relationship with them. You are not getting to know them nor getting to understand them.

It is just feeling good about people who don't show their strugglers and their real themselves to you.

Speaking from experience here.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#297

Post by bradlys »

intotheabyss wrote: post #178
hindsightbias wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The post-Covid remote utopia so many seem to be excited about is going to be hard for a lot of workers. Work, lunch, happy hour, bowling, league sports. Now they all have is Slack.

What's wrong with spending less time with co-workers? These are people you have to spend time with, regardless if you like them or not. I would personally much rather not spend time with people I didn't choose to spend time with.

> I would personally much rather not spend time with people I didn't choose to spend time with.

Most friends are made this way. School as an example.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#298

Post by tubularhells »

godshatter wrote: post #291
rootusrootus wrote: post #241

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is both fascinating and sad to watch. My family has split along political lines, with half despising Trump and half worshipping him. Each side hates the other sufficiently that we just avoid talking anymore, so it's like having two distinct families. I don't know the solution other than everyone agreeing not to talk politics, ever. And even better, actually deciding that politics is pretty insignificant and only s…

I don't know how to get there, but we need to somehow reacquire the notion that it's okay to like and interact with someone that you disagree with, politically or otherwise.

It's also fine to cut crap people from your life, family or otherwise.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#299

Post by tubularhells »

Fnoord wrote: post #285
natchy wrote: post #282

Earlier quoted context omitted.

politics is governing. most people don't govern. We have other jobs and roles. My influence on politics is insignificant vs my influence on other things that will impact my quality of life and those around me. In fact, politics and political news are a huge time suck for lots of people. Might as well be playing video games or watching sports.

> politics is governing. most people don't govern. We have other jobs and roles. That depends on the definition being used [1]. IMO, using this definition of governing [2], governing is taking responsibility, we do it all the time, and it is tough at times. An example of governing is deciding when to change your baby's diaper. You take responsibility to put in the time and effort (which boils down to money) to keep t…

This is really autistic. Stop arguing semantics, this is not a linguistics forum.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#300

Post by dredmorbius »

DamnYuppie wrote: post #202
astura wrote: post #182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What? This makes no sense. Capitalism isn't the problem, lack of boundaries is. My best friend lived upstairs from her parents for years. It was her own apartment but the arrangement was hell on earth. Multiple times a day every day her mom would come barging in (and I do mean barging) to insert herself into whatever was going on in my friend's apartment, make nasty comments, or borrow/take something. Her mom eventua…

That is almost a form of abuse to be honest. I hope your friend has learned to set boundaries and enforce them. People like her mom are very good at manipulating their children and seeing absolutely nothing wrong with it.

s/almost//
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